This Time
by Clara Barton
Summary: A modern fairy tale about finding true love.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: No, this is not an update for any of my WIPs. This is, in fact, a new story. I apologize for not updating my current projects. To be honest, every time I start to update any of them I find myself just staring at the screen: I feel so disconnected from the characters and stories. I'm not abandoning them, but I'm taking some very solid advice to write what I am inspired to write at the moment. I will return to those fics, sooner rather than later, but I just need to get back into the flow of writing again.

A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).

A/N #3: Chapel Hill=Carolina=University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill

Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...

Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.

_This Time_

Prologue

_Summer 2001_

"You don't want to go?"

Trowa knew there was no way to get out of this without Catharine growing suspicious. Her tone of voice already indicated that she thought he was being an idiot. Maybe he could run with that.

"No. I'd rather stay here."

"Trowa you're saying that you would pass up the chance to spend the summer backpacking through Europe - all expenses paid - and would rather spend the summer with me in the Hamptons, a place that you have hated for the last six years?"

He tried to think of a plausible excuse for why he wanted to go the Hamptons instead. The truth would never do - if Catharine knew the real reason why Trowa had decided to turn down their aunt and uncle's generous high school graduation present to him, Catharine would ship him off to Europe whether he wanted to go or not.

"It's really nice of Aunt Jim and Sarah to do this, but I just think I would get more out of it if I went in a few years, when my French is better. Not to mention that you got me the job at the country club - it would be irresponsible to just turn my back on that. Plus if I earn enough this summer I might be able to spend _next_ summer doing an internship."

Catharine's cool gaze regarded him warily. She clearly wasn't buying it.

"I don't want to go by myself," he said in a last ditch effort, his voice as miserable as he could make it. It wasn't even much of a lie - Trowa had always been independent, yes, and the thought of spending the summer in Europe didn't intimidate him at all. But the thought of spending it _alone_ when he had the chance to spend it instead with the boy of his dreams filled him with depression.

"Oh, Trowa," Catharine folded him into her arms and Trowa heaved a sigh of relief and even hugged her back. "Okay, I understand. I'll talk to Jim and Sarah - I'm sure they will understand. Maybe you can go in a year or two with some of your future college friends?" She pulled back and smiled at him and he nodded.

She released him and ruffled his hair.

"Okay then. We're going to drive out tomorrow to open up the house, but the Winners won't arrive for another two weeks. You've got some packing to do."

Trowa waited until she left his room before lunging for the computer. He waited through the interminable AOL dial-up process before finally gaining access to his email.

_Quatre,_

_ I'm sorry I didn't email you back sooner. Finals were crazy and I still didn't know what my summer plans were until this morning. I'll be staying at the house - I've got a job at the country club so I'll be working a lot but I'll be there with you._

_ And yes, of course I still think about you kissing me under the mistletoe at Christmas. I will never forget it._

_ See you in two weeks,_

_ Trowa_

He knew it was sappy and he knew that he was being an idiot to think that Quatre could ever feel the same way about him as Trowa felt, but he couldn't help it. Quatre Winner was _the_ golden boy: the heir to the Winner fortune, handsome, smart and funny with a sense of loyalty and kindness that was daunting. Quatre was perfect and it still amazed Trowa that he had any interest in someone like him - Trowa didn't have money or a bright future mapped out. He wasn't outgoing and he had almost nothing in common with Quatre.

They had first met six years ago when Trowa moved in with his sister. Catharine was the live-in private chef for the Winner family. She spent most of her time at their massive Upper West Side apartment, but when the Winner family relocated to the Hamptons during the summer she traveled there as well. It had been the summer Trowa turned thirteen that he first met Quatre, home from his Swiss boarding school for the summer vacation, and Trowa had fallen hard. Quatre had smiled at him and focused his golden attention on Trowa at a time when Trowa thought the world had abandoned him. Over the years their friendship had grown and deepened. The summer Trowa turned sixteen Quatre had flirted with him, daring Trowa to hope that his feelings might be returned, and this past Christmas Quatre had actually kissed him.

It defied logic - there was no way Quatre should be interested in him, but if Quatre wanted to spend the summer with him, Trowa felt absolutely no desire to point out his hundreds of flaws. If by some strange twist of fate Quatre Winner wanted to be with Trowa Barton, Trowa wasn't going to question it.

-o-

His job at the country club was both worse and better than he had feared it would be. He was supposed to work as a busboy, but the golf course superintendent saw him walk into the restaurant and "promoted" him to a caddy. Lugging around the bags of clubs was hard work, and offering praise and support to the rich golfers who rarely earned it was tiresome, but the pay was significantly better and the tips were amazing.

As a result, Trowa came home exhausted every day, tanned and sweaty, his pockets full of twenty, fifty and hundred dollar bills.

Trowa had never liked the Hamptons - the only good thing about the huge estate was Quatre, and he hardly ever spent the entire summer at the house. The rest of his family - father, stepmother and twelve sisters - made Trowa feel like an outsider and a peasant. His sister also had to work harder in the summers, overseeing parties almost every weekend and forced to deal with the combined appetites of all of the Winners - every one of whom were picky eaters.

But at least Trowa's room, situated at the far end of the servant's wing of the estate, had a good view of the water and, unlike in New York, he had a private bathroom.

When Trowa got home from work in the evenings he stripped out of his clothes as soon as he got to his room and spent at least twenty minutes in the shower, luxuriating in the water pressure.

The second Saturday in the Hamptons Trowa was home by eight and eager to get out of his sweaty clothes and into the shower.

He had taken off his shirt and had his shorts halfway down his legs before he realized there was someone in his bedroom.

"Quatre?"

The blond boy reclined on Trowa's bed, Trowa's copy of _The Federalist Papers_ in his hands, eyes wide and mouth open.

He quickly recovered and sat up with a smile.

"I'm home early. I'm assuming you're happy to see me?" There was a warm, teasing quality to his voice that simultaneously embarrassed Trowa and made him smile.

Trowa awkwardly pulled his shorts back up and fastened them.

"Of course I'm happy to see you."

Quatre's smile grew broader and he rose from the bed, crossing the room to stand achingly close to Trowa.

"You're so tan," he remarked, eyes traveling over Trowa's bare torso.

He knew it was vain, but the tan lines he had developed after the first two days on his job - courtesy of the short sleeved polo shirts he had to wear had made him spend most of his free time during the days on the beach, shirtless and reading, praying that Quatre still found him attractive. He was thrilled to see the way Quatre looked at him now.

"I've missed you," Trowa had to confess.

Quatre's eyes met his.

"Me too," he said. "All through final exams I kept thinking about you. Thinking about our kiss. Thinking about seeing you again."

"Don't tell me that thinking about me distracted you from acing your tests."

"No, but it sure did keep me up at night!"

Quatre closed the space between them and kissed him.

It was just like before - Quatre's lips were so soft and almost tentative, it was as though at any moment he might vanish and Trowa wanted to wrap his arms around the shorter boy and pull him closer.

The smell of Quatre's aftershave and the feel of his fine blonde hair between Trowa's fingers made him suddenly and acutely aware of the fact that he smelled like sweat and his own hair was plastered to his scalp from wearing a hat all day.

He pulled away.

"I should shower - I'm disgusting."

Quatre's nose wrinkled as he sniffed the air.

"You _do_ stink," he agreed with a smile. "But I don't really mind."

He kissed Trowa again and ran his cool, pale hands over Trowa's torso.

Quatre started to guide them back towards the bed and Trowa pulled away.

"I need to shower," he repeated. "I don't want to be with you when I'm like this."

Quatre pouted but allowed Trowa to step away.

"Meet me by the beach later?" Trowa suggested.

Quatre smiled.

"I'll bring the marshmallows." He looked over Trowa's body one last time, winked, and then left.

As soon as the door closed behind him Trowa fell back on his bed.

_What the hell had that been?_

Quatre, he knew from experience, was impulsive and liked to get his way, but he was also shy, almost painfully so. Just now he had practically jumped Trowa, and that kind of behavior was almost the opposite of Quatre's normal mannerisms.

Trowa was flattered, and it wasn't as if he hadn't dreamed of exactly that scenario for months now - but it unsettled him all the same. Something was clearly wrong.

-o-

It was midnight before Quatre joined Trowa on the beach.

Trowa already had a decent sized fire going and had stolen a few bamboo skewers from the kitchen supplies for their late night rendezvous.

Quatre presented the bag of marshmallows with a triumphant grin and Trowa accepted them with a smirk.

He thought it was adorable that Quatre believed he was able to take take them, undetected by Catharine. She had known about this ritual from the beginning and had even switched over to gluten-free marshmallows when Quatre decided to be a vegetarian the summer he turned sixteen, a phase that had thankfully passed because Trowa hated the gluten-free marshmallows with a passion.

Trowa skewered two marshmallows and passed one to Quatre.

The blonde boy accepted it and sat down in the sand beside Trowa, close enough that their shoulders bumped together.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

His question startled Quatre.

"What do you mean? Nothing's wrong."

"Quatre, I've known you for six years. What just happened in my room... that's not you."

Quatre turned towards him.

"What do you mean that wasn't me? Are you... are you trying to end this?"

There was a strange quality to Quatre's voice and Trowa actually felt his heart seize up for a moment.

_Did Quatre want to end this? Was he trying to push Trowa to be the one to say it?_

"End what?" Trowa asked, trying to sound nonchalant. "This isn't even anything, is it? Just one kiss and a few emails."

"And years of flirting," Quatre protested.

"Well, that too," he conceded. "But that doesn't mean -"

"I like you, Trowa. I like you a lot. Maybe this isn't something yet, but I want it to be."

"Then tell me what's wrong. We're still friends, right?"

Quatre nodded and glumly picked at his now charred marshmallow.

"During exam week my roommate... he was fooling around with the gardener and... and he was _caught_ I guess and the school told his father. He disowned him - for being gay. He completely cut him off and his entire life - I mean, what is he going to do now? How is he going to go to college? What is he -"

"Quatre."

He turned and Trowa could actually see tears in his eyes. Now he understood what was wrong.

"Your father loves you and he wants you to be happy. He wouldn't do that to you."

Quatre opened his mouth, ready to protest.

"But," Trowa cut him off, "he doesn't have to know. About you or this or anything. Whatever you want - I just want to be with you."

Quatre swallowed hard and nodded.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I was nervous and scared and -"

"And turned on by how hot I am, I know. It's okay."

Quatre laughed and they sat in contented silence, feasting on the marshmallows.

"I do want you, though," Quatre said an hour later when they put out the fire and started back towards the house. "I just... well, maybe I got a bit ahead of myself."

Trowa nodded and ducked forward to kiss Quatre before they got too close to the house.

"Good. Because I want you too."

-o-

The end of summer was almost in sight, and Trowa started to dread each new day, knowing that August would arrive all too soon.

June had passed in a golden haze of sun, work and Quatre. Trowa spent every free moment with Quatre and fell more in love with him every day.

They walked the beach together almost every night. They spent Trowa's days off of work sailing or holed up in Trowa's room when it rained.

Their physical relationship progressed slowly, and Trowa waited for Quatre to take the next step in everything they did.

He waited for Quatre to shift their kissing from vertical to horizontal. He waited for Quatre's hands to wander down below his waist before he did the same. He waited for Quatre to pounce on him one afternoon while they were sailing, both still fully clothed, and let Quatre set the pace as they moved against each other, the friction of their clothing and their bodies bringing both boys to the first shared orgasm. He waited for Quatre to join him in the outdoor shower one afternoon after they had been swimming and let Quatre strip him naked before he did the same. He waited until Quatre snuck into his room one night with a bottle of lotion and a nervous, determined expression on his face before he allowed himself to touch Quatre, to bring him to the moment when his entire face froze and a look of wonder passed through his eyes.

Trowa spent his entire summer waiting. Waiting to get off work so he could see Quatre. Waiting for Quatre to grow bold enough to move their relationship forward. Waiting for the summer to end, waiting for Quatre to leave him.

By the time the July 4th weekend rolled around Trowa decided that he had to do something.

-o-

"Come with me," Quatre insisted. "It will be fun."

Trowa doubted that spending the weekend with Quatre's trust-fund childhood friends would be anything close to fun and he didn't bother to hide his opinion of them or the prospects for a weekend spent with that crowd.

"I have nothing in common with any of them."

"You have _me_ in common," Quatre pointed out. "I like you - they will too."

"Quatre, you want to jump my bones. Unless you're telling me that all of your friends are gay and this is some kind of Upper West Side orgy, they aren't going to like me."

"If it was an Upper West Side orgy we would not be going," Quatre assured him. "I'm not sharing you with anyone."

The note of possessiveness in Quatre's voice simultaneously thrilled and irritated Trowa, and he immediately berated himself for being an idiot. He should be happy that Quatre was possessive and he should be happy that Quatre considered him to be _his._

"Come on," Quatre wheedled. "A weekend without parents - or sisters... a weekend in the city, away from the Hamptons. I know how much you hate it here..."

That much was the truth, but however much Trowa hated the Hamptons he was positive he would hate a weekend in the city, with Quatre's friends, even more.

"I can't. I have to work."

Quatre rolled his eyes in irritation.

"Call in sick."

Trowa had to laugh.

"I can't call in sick on July 4th! They'll know I'm lying."

"So? It's one weekend and -"

"And I promised I would work. I'm covering for two other guys who have families."

"Trowa, this might be one of our only chances to spend time together. Alone."

"Quatre, we won't be alone - we'll be with fifty of your friends."

"Trowa -"

"Quatre, why not just stay here with me? We can take the boat out and watch the fireworks together... we can spend the night on the boat, at the marina even. Just the two of us."

Quatre looked on the verge of capitulating.

"I don't belong with them," Trowa had to add. "I'm not like them."

"But I am," Quatre pointed out, and Trowa realized he had said the wrong thing. "I do belong with them and I'm one of them - so what does that say about us?"

"I -"

"I'm serious, Trowa. If you don't think you belong with them - do you really think we belong together? Is that why you always hesitate? Is that why I'm always the one pushing us forward?"

"No. That's not it at all."

"Then what is it? Why does it feel like I'm in this and just dragging you along with me?"

Trowa suddenly realized that he had been a moron this entire time.

"I'm in this too," he protested. He struggled to find the words to explain how he felt.

"Really?"

"Yes -Quatre, I want you. I want this!"

Quatre sighed and Trowa could see just how hurt the blonde boy was.

"Trowa, you've liked me for years, haven't you?"

He nodded, unsure where this was going.

"Then why didn't you ever kiss me? Why did you wait for me to kiss you last Christmas?"

Trowa felt dread settle into his stomach.

"Why?" Quatre repeated when Trowa remained silent.

"Because I was afraid," Trowa finally admitted. "I was afraid of what would happen if I was wrong - if you didn't really like me or if you didn't want me to kiss you. I had to wait for you."

It was Quatre's turn to be silent.

"What did you think would happen, Trowa? If you kissed me and I didn't kiss back? What did you have to be afraid of?"

"I didn't want Catharine to lose her job."

Quatre stared at him, his eyes wide and hurt.

It was the truth, and Trowa knew that Quatre had wanted to hear the truth - but Quatre hadn't wanted _that_ to be the truth.

Quatre left him and the next day Trowa found out that he had gone to the city to spend time with his friends.

It was a miserable weekend for Trowa. The rich assholes at the golf course were inevitably rich drunk assholes that weekend who were too drunk to play well and took it out on the course, their clubs and Trowa. His tips were poor and the weather was intolerable - stale, humid heat that settled over everything without even a breeze.

He spent the evening of July 4th in his room, reading, until Catharine found him and made him come watch the fireworks with the rest of the Winner staff.

They had built a fire and were roasting carnivore s'mores - one of Catharine's childhood inventions, it involved filling a mushroom cap with cream cheese and then wrapping it with bacon.

Trowa reluctantly joined the crowd and petulantly accepted a freshly roasted s'more and ate it, wishing it wasn't so damned delicious.

"What's up, little bro?" Catharine sat down beside him.

"Nothing. I hate the Hamptons. I hate this weather."

Catharine arched an eyebrow at him.

"Really? Because you've seemed so happy this summer. I mean - I only get to see you at a distance and even then for about five seconds, but the few times I have seen you, you were smiling."

Trowa felt guilty for not spending time with Catharine. He hung his head.

"I'm sorry, Cathy."

"Cathy? Ohh... this _is_ serious. You only call me Cathy when you really need my help."

"I don't need your help - I'm just sorry. I haven't spent any time with you this summer and I'm a bad brother."

Catharine ruffled his hair.

"Sure, but you're _my_ bad brother. How are you doing with your summer reading?"

Trowa made a face, feeling even more guilty.

"Not good. I've read a few books for my fall classes but..." he trailed off. He couldn't say he had been too busy, because he could have made the time. Just like he could have made the time to spend with Catharine.

She nodded.

"So you've ditched your sister, you're falling behind on your summer reading, you're spending July 4th alone and miserable... are you sure secretly dating Quatre Winner is worth it?"

Trowa glared at her.

"How long have you known?"

"Please, Trowa! I knew something was up when you didn't want to go to Europe, but I hoped I was wrong. Then Marie saw you two fooling around in the outdoor shower a few weeks ago and couldn't resist telling me."

Trowa felt his face flush.

"She told everyone, didn't she. Everyone's known, this whole time."

"Everyone except his family. _Your_ family has known this whole time, yes."

"Cathy - I really like him."

"Trowa, you've been in love with him since - I'm guessing - the day you first saw him. I know you really like him. But does he really like you?"

Trowa nodded. Hadn't their fight shown Trowa just how much Quatre cared for him?

"Does he want what's best for you?"

Trowa frowned at that question.

"Yes - why wouldn't he?"

Catharine sighed.

"Oh, I don't know, because he's keeping this a secret and making you miserable."

"He isn't making me miserable. I made myself miserable."

"Really? And how did you manage that?"

"He wanted me to go to the city with him and I didn't want to go. I don't... I don't fit in with those people."

"Trowa -"

"I'm not saying that they're better than me. They aren't. But they're different. I already don't have much in common with anyone else my age - I've got _nothing_ in common with those people."

"I should give you some speech and judging people before you know them... but seeing as how I _do_ know the crowd he spends his time with I have to agree with you. You would have been miserable. Not to mention grounded since you would have had to sneak out - I never would have let you go to that party."

"I could have lied," Trowa protested. "I could have told you there was some exhibit at the Natural History Museum and you would have let me go - don't try to deny it. Besides, I'm eighteen. You can't ground me anymore."

"Oh, can't I?" The tone of her voice dared Trowa to tempt her.

Trowa sighed.

"When I'm with him, nothing else matters. It just feels so right."

"But Trowa, everything else _does_ matter. There is more to life than being in love. This summer is going to end - you are going to go off to Chapel Hill and he's going off to wherever -"

"Princeton," Trowa supplied.

"Princeton," Catharine repeated. "North Carolina and New Jersey are not that close. Especially not if you're in a secret relationship. Trowa - what happens when his father finds out? And he will - you know he will. Do you think he will ever see you as anything more than Quatre's secret boyfriend?"

Trowa felt his chest constrict at Catharine's words. She was right.

"So you just want me to break up with him? Walk away from someone who lo - who I love?"

"Honestly, yes. I think that in the end that would be for the best. But since you're my stubborn little brother there's no way you will do that. So instead I'm asking you to really think about what you want. Think about the future. Think about what you and Quatre _could_ have and think about what you want to have. Because I'm willing to bet it isn't this."

-o-

It was the middle of the week before Quatre came back from the city. Trowa saw the car drop him off at the house one night just at sunset. Quatre looked awful - pale and wrinkled with dark circles under his eyes that Trowa could see even at a distance.

He waited for Quatre on the beach that night until dawn, but he never came.

Work that day was a special trial for Trowa. Michael Andrews requested him as a caddy for the fifth time that summer and Trowa was forced to endure hours of poor golf and lecherous comments from the middle-aged hedge fund manager. Trowa remained polite, but it was an effort - especially when Andrews gave him only five dollars at the end of a four hour session. Andrews assured Trowa that he would get his full "reward" if he met him later.

Trowa took the five dollar bill and went straight to his supervisor to request that he never be placed with Andrews again. His request was denied - Andrews was a long-standing club member and if he wanted Trowa as a caddy, that's exactly who would caddy for him.

He spent the rest of the day in an angry, exhausted haze. It wasn't the first time a golfer had made advances to him that summer - but Andrews treated Trowa as though he could simply buy him and that went beyond annoying. It was exactly the attitude that Trowa hated about these people - they could buy anything they wanted and they somehow believed that everyone around them _wanted_ to be purchased.

By the time he got home that night Trowa was contemplating getting into the shower and just sleeping there.

Quatre was sitting on his bed again.

He looked just as awful as he had the day before, and up close Trowa could see that even his eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed.

Trowa had no idea what to say to him - he wanted to ask where he had been, if he was okay - he wanted to apologize, he wanted to argue.

But in the end he just kissed him. He tried to channel his anger and his love into the kiss. He wanted Quatre to understand because Trowa didn't think he could put everything into words.

Quatre kissed him back, tentatively at first, and then with passion.

Soon they were naked and moving against each other, straining for release and forgiveness. Trowa swallowed Quatre's moans of pleasure and his final gasp when he reached orgasm and then he let himself follow Quatre.

They lay together in the bed for some time after that, silent, lost in all the words they needed to say.

"I love you," Trowa finally said. "I always have. And I've been afraid. I'm not like you - I'm not part of your world and I don't want to drag you out of it. You have a great life ahead of you. You have family and a future and friends -"

"Friends?" Quatre snorted derisively. "I had a friend - one friend. My roommate at school. And just look at what I - look at what happened to him. He was my only friend, aside from you. Those people - they aren't my friends. You were right not to come to the city. You aren't like them." Quatre turned over so that he was looking directly at Trowa. "That's why I love you. That's why I want to be with you."

"Tell me what happened this weekend."

Quatre smiled sadly.

"I wish I could. I don't remember much - I've never had so much to drink in my life. I don't think the LSD helped my memory much either," he added ruefully.

Trowa felt a stab of guilt.

"I should have gone with you. I should -"

Quatre kissed him and then shook his head.

"No. Those bad choices were all mine." He sighed. "We used to drink in school, and last semester my roommate and I smoked pot for the first time - neither of us liked it and he never wanted to try anything else. But I... I don't know. I just needed something - I needed to see how shitty life was without you."

"Don't do it again," Trowa pleaded.

"Don't let me?"

Trowa nodded.

Quatre sighed again and curled up against Trowa's chest.

"It's almost August. What are we going to do?"

Trowa ran his fingers over Quatre's arm.

"I can take the train up to see you," Trowa suggested. "We can still email - we can talk on the phone. We can make this work."

"You really think so?"

Trowa nodded and kissed Quatre's shoulder.

"You could always transfer."

Quatre shook his head.

"My father would kill me. He's wanted me to go to Princeton since I turned two. _You_ could transfer."

Trowa laughed.

"Yeah - I can cover that tuition no problem."

"You're already paying out of state at Carolina."

"No, I'm on a full scholarship," Trowa corrected.

"I always forget how smart you are."

Quatre rolled over and smiled.

"It's just that you're so ridiculously good looking - it doesn't seem fair that you get to be both."

"Life's not fair," Trowa told him.

-o-

July passed even quicker than June.

Trowa started taking his books with him to work, reading between holes and whenever he had a break. He also started waking up early enough to have breakfast with Catharine and he realized that he was going to miss seeing her smile at him everyday.

But his nights and days off were still spent with Quatre. Trowa tried to enjoy every minute of their time together. He desperately wanted to believe that they could make a long distance relationship work, but his fear that Quatre would start college and forget about him made him desperate.

He didn't want Quatre to ever look like he had after the 4th again. He even thought about trying to track down Quatre's old school roommate - maybe if Quatre knew he was okay he would feel more confident about the future.

But it seemed as though every day Quatre grew just a little more distant - he still smiled at Trowa and still responded to his every touch with enthusiasm and vocal delight, but there was a look in his blue eyes that made Trowa wonder just what he was thinking.

He wasn't used to Quatre being pensive or sad - and he was both now.

It was the first night of August when Trowa finally decided to confront him about it.

They were sitting on the beach, both wearing sweaters against the late night chill, and Quatre was between Trowa's legs, resting his head and against Trowa's chest.

"I'm your friend first, Quatre," Trowa said into the still night. He had spent the last two days trying to figure out what to say, and he felt that he finally had the right words.

"I love you and I want you to be happy - and you're not. I don't know what's wrong and I don't even know how to ask."

Quatre sighed. Trowa had heard too many of his sighs lately.

"I'm just thinking about the future," Quatre finally said, his voice so low Trowa had to strain to hear him.

"I'm thinking about college and grad school and working for the company and my whole life. I'm thinking about this future that stretches out forever and I'm never going to be happy."

Trowa could hear the raw emotion in Quatre's voice and it unsettled him.

"What can I do?"

"Nothing," Quatre said bitterly. "You're perfect, Trowa. You're amazing and - perfect. If I was anyone else I could spend the rest of my life with you and be happy, but I'm not anyone else. I'm me. And -"

"Quatre, I mean it. I'm your friend first. If being with me isn't what you want, we don't -"

"No, Trowa. That's not what I'm saying. I _want_ to be with you. _You_ make me happy."

Trowa allowed himself to feel relief at those words.

Quatre sighed again.

"I don't know how to explain it. Don't you ever feel like you don't belong in your own skin? Don't you ever wish you could just wake up one morning and leave - leave everything behind?"

"No," Trowa said honestly.

"I couldn't do that to you or Catharine or -"

"Trowa. How are you possibly this good?"

"I'm not," Trowa protested. "I just -"

Quatre turned around and kissed him.

"I love you, but it's cold and I'm hungry. Let's go back to the house."

Trowa rose from the sand and helped Quatre stand up. He walked beside him, more unsure now than he had been before.

"Catharine just bought papaya today," Trowa volunteered. He knew it was Quatre's favorite fruit, but the blonde man only shrugged.

"Sure."

Trowa led them towards the kitchen and rooted around in the walk-in ice box until he found one of the papaya.

He washed it and started to slice it, trying to figure out what Quatre needed.

Trowa felt Quatre's hands slide up the inside of his shirt and he turned around.

"I thought you were hungry?"

Quatre smirked up at him.

"Oh, I'm definitely hungry. And I know _exactly_ what I want to put in my mouth."

The blond man pulled Trowa's shirt up and over his head before running his hands over Trowa's chest.

He looked down and marveled at the contrast in their skin tones - Quatre was so pale, his hands appeared delicate against the darkness of Trowa's tan.

Quatre's hands drifted towards the fly on Trowa's shorts and he stopped him.

"We can't do this here, in the kitchen."

"I've got condoms in my room," Quatre said.

Trowa swallowed hard as a sudden and vivid mental image of he and Quatre together like that filled his mind.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" He managed to ask.

"Are you?" Quatre taunted and Trowa kissed him.

He hoped he managed to convey to Quatre just how much that was what he wanted.

When the blonde man pulled away there was a dazed expression on his face and Trowa couldn't help but smirk at that. Yes, Quatre knew how much he wanted it.

"Come on."

Quatre grabbed his hand and Trowa abandoned the fruit on the kitchen counter before allowing himself to be dragged from the room.

He rarely visited this side of the house - when they were younger Quatre had had a video game system in his room that they played. But his father had thrown that out years ago when he suspected Quatre of being too "soft" and instead sent him to a sports summer academy for the rest of the vacation.

Trowa followed Quatre up the stairs, both as silent as possible, and into the dark room at the end of the hallway.

As soon as the door closed behind them Quatre pounced, shoving Trowa's shorts down his narrow hips without bothering to open the fly. Then Quatre knelt in front of him and slowly pulled down his boxers.

"Quatre "

"Shh. You don't want to wake up my sisters."

And then Quatre was doing things that made Trowa clench his fists and close his eyes. He had to lean back on the door for support.

"Oh God - Quatre, stop. Stop!" He finally pushed Quatre away and had to shudder as the chill night air hit his exposed flesh.

"What?" Quatre asked with a devilish grin.

Trowa knelt down and kissed him again.

"I love you," he said. "Even though you torture me."

Quatre kissed him back.

"I think you love me _because_ I torture you."

Trowa nodded and started to remove Quatre's clothes, taking his time and caressing the other man's skin.

Once he had the other man naked he repaid Quatre's attentions with torture of his own and soon had Quatre gasping and moaning under him.

"Shh," Trowa said when he pulled away for air. "You don't want to wake your sisters."

Quatre started to laugh but the laugh almost immediately turned into a deep, guttural groan as Trowa brought him to orgasm.

The blonde boy glared at him once he had recovered.

"I didn't want it to be like that. I wanted you inside me when I came."

Trowa brushed his bangs out of his eyes.

"Who says you won't?" He leaned down and kissed Quatre. "You're eighteen. You get hard every five seconds."

To demonstrate his point he started to caress Quatre again, and sure enough Quatre was soon thrusting against him.

"And you think _I_ like to torture _you_," the blonde muttered before shoving Trowa away. "On the bed - I'm not getting carpet burn, even for you."

Trowa grinned and followed him up onto the bed.

Quatre fished around inside one of the nightstands beside the bed before depositing a small tube of lubricant and a condom in Trowa's hand.

"You're sure about this?" Trowa had to ask again.

To answer him Quatre took the condom back and ripped open the package. He held Trowa's gaze as he slowly rolled the condom onto Trowa's erection.

"Okay," Trowa agreed. He used the lubricant to prepare Quatre, drawing on the information he had gleaned from the internet and years of watching porn. He hoped he was doing this right. The sounds Quatre was making didn't seem to be protests, and that was encouraging.

Trowa slowly entered the other man and had to hold his breath. It was one of the most incredible things he had ever felt. He was so tight and hot and -

"Start moving," Quatre begged.

"I'm sorry," Trowa leaned forward to kiss him again. "It just feels so good. I don't think I'm going to last very long."

"Good, I'm not either."

Trowa tried moving and both boys groaned at the sensation.

"We're doing this every night for the rest of the summer," Quatre gasped.

Trowa watched the blonde reach down and start to touch himself.

"Why just at night?" Trowa asked. "What about the mornings? The afternoons? We could - oh Jesus Christ, Quatre, I'm so close. I can't -"

Quatre lifted his hips to meet Trowa and the action made both groan loudly. Trowa came with what felt like explosive force and he felt the hot spill of Quatre's orgasm between them.

It took a moment for Trowa to recover enough to pull out. He gingerly pulled off the condom and then realized he had no idea what to do with it.

"Flush it," Quatre tiredly instructed him.

When Trowa came back to the bed Quatre had stretched out, his eyes closed and a smile on his face.

"I should go," Trowa said and started to hunt for his clothes.

"No," Quatre sat up. "Stay."

Trowa gave him a look.

"I can't. You know I can't."

"You're the one who said you wanted to have sex in the morning. We can't do that if -"

A knock sounded at the door.

"Quatre?"

It was unmistakably Quatre's father.

"Yes?" Quatre looked nervous and his voice was barely steady.

"Are you alright? We heard something. It sounded -"

"I'm fine! Just ran into the nightstand and -"

"Quatre, were you drinking again? We talked about this and -"

The door started to open and Trowa looked around the room, desperate to find somewhere he could hide.

But light spilled into the room and illuminated him, naked, standing in front of Quatre's bed.

There was silence for a full minute.

"What did you do to my son?" Zaid Winner had always scared Trowa, but in that moment he was terrified of the taller, larger man.

"Nothing," Quatre answered for him. "He didn't -"

"You bastard!" Zaid advanced into the room. He punched Trowa in the stomach, a hard, solid hit that doubled him over in pain.

Trowa hadn't been punched in years - not since elementary school - and the pain was intense.

"I will kill you! You defiled my son! You filthy -"

Trowa rolled away when Zaid tried to kick him and got back up to his feet. He fled the room, but Zaid chased him down the hall.

"Come back here you disgusting coward!"

Trowa turned to see Zaid's face twisted with rage. Quatre was running down the hallway after him, still naked, a look of fear on his pale face.

Trowa took another step backwards but there was nothing under his feet - he had reached the staircase.

He tried to grab the railing but missed and fell backwards, head first, down the staircase.

-o-

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: No, this is not an update for any of my WIPs. This is, in fact, a new story. I apologize for not updating my current projects. To be honest, every time I start to update any of them I find myself just staring at the screen: I feel so disconnected from the characters and stories. I'm not abandoning them, but I'm taking some very solid advice to write what I am inspired to write at the moment. I will return to those fics, sooner rather than later, but I just need to get back into the flow of writing again.

A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).

A/N #3: Chapel Hill=Carolina=University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill

Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...

Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.

_This Time_

Part 1: Chapter 1

_Fall 2001_

"That's everything? Do you have enough towels? What about toothpaste - did you pack -"

"Yes. I have towels. I have toothpaste. I have deodorant. I have the coffee maker. I have the computer and the power cable and the cell phone and _that_ charger. I have everything I need."

Catharine looked around the dormitory with a frown.

"Are you sure? Because Target is just down the road and we could -"

"_If_ I need something I'll go and get it. There's a bus I can take."

Trowa was exasperated with Catharine's overprotective nature. He appreciated it, just a little, but at the moment he was exhausted and all he wanted to do was unpack and then sleep.

"Are you tired? Do you feel dizzy or -"

"No. I'm tired because we drove eleven hours. I don't feel dizzy."

Catharine regarded him warily.

"It's only been a two weeks since you got out of the hospital. Maybe it's too soon for you to -"

"Cathy, it was a concussion. I didn't have surgery. My life was never in danger. It was just -"

"You were unconscious for two days! Your life _was_ in danger and it wasn't _just_ anything." Her eyes started to tear up and Trowa sighed.

"I'm sorry, Cathy. I didn't -"

"Oh shut up." She hugged him tightly. "I love you."

"Am I interrupting anything?"

Trowa pulled away from his sister.

A long haired boy was standing in the doorway. He was dressed in well-worn shorts and an even more well worn t-shirt. His messy bangs, the long braid of hair and the old-fashioned sunglasses perched on his forehead all seemed to indicate that he was a total burnout.

The boy's eyes landed on Catharine and he smiled, a charming expression that transformed his entire face from casually good-looking to irresistible.

"I knew this was a co-ed floor but I didn't realize the rooms were co-ed. How did I get lucky enough to have you as a roommate Ms...?"

Catharine rolled her eyes but one corner of her mouth tipped upwards.

"My little brother is your roommate." She pointed to Trowa.

The boy dropped two duffel bags on the floor carelessly and settled a backpack on top of them.

"Well, in that case, pleased to meet ya! I'm David Maxwell - but I only answer to Duo. You must be," he turned to look at their names on the door, " Trowa Barton?"

Trowa reluctantly shook hands with him.

"So, do you plan on visiting Trowa often? Because if you do maybe you could give me your number? Just so we can coordinate our schedules?"

Duo winked and Catharine snorted a laugh.

"I don't date minors, Duo."

"That's okay - we don't have to date. Just a few evenings spent enjoying my talented hands and your -"

Trowa cleared his throat.

"Sorry, you might want to cover your ears for this next part." Duo winked at him.

Trowa hated him.

"Anyway," Catharine said before Duo could continue.

She looked over at Trowa.

"You've got everything?"

He nodded.

She kissed his forehead and then turned to Duo again, a look of amusement on her face.

"I'm trusting you with my brother's life. If you let anything bad happen to him I'll come after you?"

Duo smirked.

"Is that a promise? Will there be spanking involved?"

Catharine rolled her eyes.

"Don't forget to call me," she gave Trowa one last instruction before leaving.

Duo was silent for all of ten seconds.

"Dude, your sister is _smoking_ hot."

Trowa glared at him.

"I'm not insinuating that _you_ think she's hot - I'm just admiring from a distance." In fact, Duo had craned his neck and was clearly watching Catharine walk down the hall out of their dorm.

"Where do I go to request a room change?"

Duo's jaw dropped and he turned to look at Trowa. He stared at him for a minute before starting to laugh.

"Oh man, _this _is going to be fun!"

Trowa disagreed but decided to unpack. He half-expected, half-wanted Duo to argue about getting stuck on the right side of the room, but the long haired boy seemed perfectly content. He even started humming as he unpacked his own gear.

"So, where ya from?"

Trowa contemplated remaining silent but decided that if he answered Duo he might get bored and leave him alone.

"New York."

"What brings you down south?"

"School."

"Funny - that's what brought _me _here too. What are the odds?"

Trowa turned to glare at him, but Duo just smiled back and even chuckled.

"You know, you didn't pay for a single - which means you've got to have a roommate. You might think you got the short end of the stick with me - but buddy, you are dead wrong. I'm an awesome roommate."

Trowa arched an eyebrow at that.

"It's true - and I've got all year to prove it."

All year. Trowa didn't think he would make it all _day._

"But I do have a few rules, to help ensure roommate togetherness or whatever."

"Really?" Trowa found it hard to believe this boy followed _any_ rules.

Duo smiled at him and held up one finger, ready to tick off points.

"Pick up your shit or at least shove it under your bed."

"Okay," Trowa said when it was clear Duo was waiting for a response from him.

"Masturbate in the showers - trust me, it's more hygienic and neither one of us wants to wake up to the other one rustling his jimmies, right?"

Trowa glared, refusing to give Duo the pleasure of getting to him.

Duo held up a third finger.

"Sock on the door means keep out, okay? There was some confusion on that with my last roommate and I want to make sure we're clear."

Trowa continued to glare.

"Drugs - I'm not judging, you do what you do, but don't get high in the room. Also please, _please_ tell me that you don't like country music."

Trowa shook his head in the negative but at Duo's look of relief he decided to start listening to it.

"Thank _God._ Oh - and I'm gay. I promise not to molest you in your sleep or anything, but I'm telling you now so that you don't freak out and go all Deliverance on me later, okay?"

"You just spent five minutes flirting with my sister!" Trowa protested.

Duo shrugged one shoulder.

"So maybe I'm more bisexual."

Trowa could only continue to glare at him.

"Anyway," Duo said after looking at his watch. "I hear there's a badass keg party starting up in about an hour - want to join?"

Trowa shook his head.

"No. Of course not."

Duo smiled and shrugged.

"Suit yourself. Catch ya later, Tro!"

Duo was out of the door before Trowa could tell me not to call him that.

-o-

Classes didn't begin until three days after they moved into the dorms, and Trowa spent every one of those days dodging his roommate. He buried himself in the library on campus - easily finishing reading the textbooks for all of his classes that fall. He spent so much time in the library those first few days that other students assumed he worked there and started to ask for help. This quickly came to the attention of the actual librarians who offered him a work-study position in the library.

Trowa took it eagerly - he suspected that even when classes started his roommate would continue to be a menace.

He was quickly proved right.

Trowa didn't know if Duo ever studied - but he was convinced he never slept. Every night after classes Duo came back to their room, invited Trowa to go hang out with him, and after Trowa's inevitable refusal went out and didn't come back until almost dawn. Every night.

He didn't even look tired - he somehow managed to be chipper and handsome at all times.

At least, Trowa was relieved to discover after a week of classes, they didn't take anything together.

Trowa was quickly absorbed with his course work and had been invited to join study groups in his history and French classes. He often used both as an excuse to dodge Duo.

Less than a month into the semester and Trowa was already counting down the days until the end of the year - he didn't care if he had to work three jobs this summer, he was going to save up enough money and pay for a single next year.

One Tuesday morning Trowa was still in bed, savoring the fact that his Tuesday and Thursday classes didn't start until right before lunch, when Duo came barrelling into the room.

Trowa had never seen him like this.

Duo looked frantic and had a cell phone in one hand, mashing the buttons angrily and swearing under his breath.

Trowa didn't know if Duo even knew he was awake, and he tried to lay still as Duo turned his back and started to pace.

"Yeah... yeah, Carol it's Duo. I need to speak to him. No, I know that, Carol. This is important. Carol - Carol I can't get in touch with Solo."

There was a moment of silence.

"Thank you. Yeah, I'll wait. Don't let him blow me off, Carol."

Duo continued to pace and Trowa wondered what the hell was going on.

Suddenly Duo's entire posture changed - his straightened up and stopped pacing. It looked as though he was facing a firing squad.

"No, sir. I understood exactly what you said the last time we spoke. No, I'm not trying to - No. Look, I don't care about any of that! I just want to know if Solo is okay. What do you mean? Haven't you turned on - you don't know. Just turn on the news."

More silence and Trowa wondered what the hell was going on.

"Yes, I tried calling him. I called his office and his cell phone. The office is... the office is gone but I can't get through to his cell phone either. Will you... will you let me know if he's okay?"

Trowa had never heard anyone sound that desperate before and he suddenly felt sick with himself for listening in on this conversation.

"Thank you."

Duo hung up the phone and was still for a moment before turning and fixing Trowa with his blue gaze.

"Sorry about that."

And then Duo was gone from the room.

Trowa was instantly out of bed and stumbled into a pair of jeans and pulled on a t-shirt before leaving their room and heading down to the common area.

He could hear voices and people crying before he was even halfway there.

The huge television was on CNN, as usual, but most of the floor was gathered around, sitting on the floor and the couches. People were holding each other and several were on cell-phones. Everyone was staring at the television.

Trowa stared open mouthed at the footage of two planes crashing into the World Trade Center.

-o-

Trowa's composition class was cancelled fifteen minutes into class when one of the students answered her phone and ran out of the room crying. Afternoon classes were cancelled across campus, and it was surreal to see everyone milling about, so many people holding each other and everyone looking as if the world had suddenly been turned upside down on them.

Catharine called him early in the afternoon.

"I'm fine," he assured her. "I'm in North Carolina - nothing happened here."

"I know, I know. I just saw it on the news and... I don't know, I guess I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," he repeated. He paused and drew in a breath. "Do you know if -"

"Trowa."

"I'm allowed to ask at least if anyone died, aren't I?"

Catharine was silent.

"I don't know. I called Hugo to ask. He said that Mr. Winner was out of the country. I don't know if Sophia and Clara were with him or at the office."

Trowa closed his eyes. He could only imagine how worried Quatre must be, wondering if his sisters were alive or dead.

"Trowa."

"I can't just stop caring!"

She sighed over the phone.

"He did, Trowa. You can too."

He clenched his jaw against the angry words he wanted to shout back at her.

"I think my roommate has a friend or family or something who might be missing," Trowa said, trying to change the subject.

"Oh that poor boy. Tell him my thoughts are with him."

Trowa frowned at that. He couldn't imagine having any conversation with Duo that would lead to him conveying that sentiment.

"I've got to go - dinner prep. I love you."

"Love you too," he told her before hanging up.

Dinner at the caf was like a mass funeral brunch. It was echoingly quiet and Trowa ate as quickly as he could before escaping back to his dorm room.

He pulled out his laptop and sat on his bed. He tried to start working on an essay due next week but instead found himself staring at the screen.

He put the computer aside and pulled out his phone.

Trowa scrolled down through his contacts to Quatre's name. His finger hovered over the call button.

The door opened and Duo walked in.

He looked even worse than this morning. His customary swagger was gone and his braid was messy, as though he had been pulling strands out. His mouth was curved downward and his eyes, red rimmed, had a glassy look to them.

"Hey," Trowa found himself saying.

Duo looked up, startled.

"Hey," he managed, his voice gravelly. "Did you know anyone?"

Trowa shook his head in the negative. It wasn't worth explaining.

"Any word about - any word?"

Duo shook his head and threw himself onto his bed, burying his head in the pillow.

"No. I've tried calling everyone. Either I can't get through or they don't know."

"It's only been a few hours," Trowa offered. "And there's a lot of chaos right now."

Duo remained still.

"I don't understand. Why would anyone even do that?"

Trowa had no answer to give.

"It's not just Solo - it's everyone. People had families and lives and dreams. Why would anyone kill them? How can someone have that much hate?"

Duo's voice was muffled by the pillow, but Trowa could hear the emotion clearly.

"I don't know."

-o-

It was two days later when Duo got the phone call, late at night, that Solo was alive.

They were in their dorm room. Trowa was trying to study for his French test and Duo was staring blankly at the wall, just as he had the night before, when Duo's phone rang.

The braided boy almost fell out of his chair in his effort to reach for the phone.

"Hello? Gemma? He - he's okay? You're sure? Oh thank God."

Duo buried his head in his hands and Trowa heard him sniff loudly.

"Thanks Gemma. No, no I'm fine. No, I am. It's okay. I just needed to know. Yeah, yeah. I'll see you in October, okay? I love you too."

Duo hung up the phone and Trowa decided he should give him some privacy.

He started to pack away his books.

Then he heard Duo actually cry - a kind of muffled sob that stopped Trowa in place.

Duo drew in a deep breath and scrubbed at his face before turning around. He smiled weakly.

"Okay, well - good news. Solo's alive and... more than a thousand people are dead but one guy... one guy I care about made it out. So that's... that's something I guess."

Even as he did it Trowa didn't believe himself, but he reached out and hugged Duo.

The other boy stood awkwardly in his embrace for a moment, but then he patted Trowa on the back.

"Hey, buddy, don't use my emotionally vulnerable state to start feeling me up."

Trowa instantly stepped away from him and glared.

"I mean, unless you want to, I guess...?" Duo leered and Trowa turned away in disgust. He threw his French books into his backpack and slammed out of the room.

He didn't understand how or why he ever could have felt sympathy for Duo. He was the single most annoying person on the planet and even now - even at a time like this he couldn't pass up an opportunity to irritate Trowa.

Over the next few days it only got worse - Duo redoubled his efforts to get Trowa to spend time with him, and Trowa's refusals only seemed to egg him on.

"You know," Duo said one night before midterms, "I could help you with your French. I'm practically fluent and -"

"I don't want your help," Trowa said patiently. "I have a study group if I need help. I _want_ to translate this passage and go to bed. I can't do that if you don't leave me alone."

Duo arched an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder.

"I guess you _could_ translate it like that. But don't you think -"

"Duo!" Trowa jumped up from his desk, forcing the other man to take a step back. "Leave me alone. Go off and get drunk or get laid or something - I don't care, but back _off."_

Duo held up his hands in a placating manner.

"Hey, man, I'm just trying to help. You never relax or hang out - you're going to give yourself an aneurysm if you keep it up. Why don't -"

"No. I'm not interested. I'm _never_ interested and I'm never _going_ to be interested. I came to this college because I want to learn. I don't want to waste my time with you. You - you're just some selfish moron who doesn't understand that there's more to this that just having a good time! I can't believe I actually started to _like_ you after September 11th!"

Duo stared at him for a solid minute before shrugging.

"Okay. You stay here and screw up that Abelard passage and I'm going to go hang out on the fifth floor. If you change your mind and want to have fun... well, that's never going to happen so peace."

Duo left and Trowa was left in blissful silence.

He glared at his homework and then started reading over what he had written.

_Damnit._ Duo was right - he had translated it wrong.

Trowa tore the page out of his notebook and crumpled it up. He started on a fresh page, cursing his roommate all the while.

-o-

The afternoon that Trowa finished his last midterm he returned to his dorm, intent on sleeping for a solid day. He had pulled two all-nighters just to finish his work and he felt confident that he had done well on the tests and papers that had seemed to literally suck his soul dry. But now he just needed to sleep.

As he approached the door, however, he noticed a sock on the doorknob.

The sock looked clean - pristinely white even - but its presence infuriated Trowa.

He pulled it off and opened the door, ready to launch into a tirade.

Duo was naked, which Trowa had more or less expected. What he hadn't expected was the naked _girl_ riding him.

"What the fuck - dude! The sock!" Duo shouted just as the girl shrieked.

Duo reached up to cover her breasts with his hands.

The tirade vanished from Trowa's brain. He dropped the sock and retreated, closing the door behind him.

He heard voices on the other side of the door, cursing and laughing, and then a moment later the girl opened the door.

She was fully clothed now, and she brushed her short, dark hair back and regarded Trowa with a glare.

"I'm sorry," he felt the need to say.

"I'm Hilde," she responded with a smirk. "Duo was right about you." She winked. "Let me know if you're ever interested in more than just watching."

With that she walked away, turning to wave at him before leaving the hall.

After she was gone he managed to pull himself together enough and entered the dorm room again.

Duo was dressed now, and he looked up at Trowa's entrance to glare.

"I thought you understood the system. Sock on the door means go the fuck away."

"It's my room. If you want to use it for co-ed activities then you're going to have to give me a heads up."

"The sock _is_ the heads up."

"Not when I haven't slept in three days it isn't," Trowa argued. "And I thought you were gay!"

Duo arched an eyebrow at him.

"And I thought we had established that I'm bisexual. I didn't realize labels were so important to you."

Trowa could only glare.

Duo grinned and checked his watch.

"Which reminds me - you should take a shower and change."

Trowa scowled.

"Why?"

"Because we're going out in an hour."

"I am _not_ going anywhere with you. _Ever._"

"I know, I know. But my grandmother's in town and she wants to take me and my roommate out to dinner. You know that place over on State - Harvey's? With the steak and the lobster thing and the sweet potato whatever?"

Trowa could only nod. Of course he knew about Harvey's. He couldn't be his sister's brother without knowing about the best restaurant in town.

"Yeah, well, that's where we're going. Free food and all that - so go shower. Want me to pick out your clothes?"

Trowa glared at him and Duo grinned.

"You're right - you're a pretty sharp dresser."

So it was that an hour later, defying all logic and every instinct he had, Trowa went with Duo to Harvey's for dinner. He more than half expected the whole thing to be a setup - Duo's grandmother had probably been dead for years and this was just some elaborate plot to get him out of the dorm room.

But when they walked in Duo headed straight for an elegant white haired woman.

"Gemma." He kissed her cheek and smiled widely. "This is my roommate, Trowa."

The woman regarded him levelly.

"Hi," Trowa said, feeling inexplicably nervous.

"Please, join me."

Duo sat down beside her and Trowa took the seat across.

"How are your studies going?" She directed the question towards Trowa.

"They seem to be going well," Trowa told her, suddenly thinking that this woman could be part of the trap. Maybe this was his punishment for blowing off Duo all those times - an interrogation by a seventy year old woman.

"Duo tells me that you are pursuing a degree in history."

Trowa looked at his roommate - how did Duo know what his major was? Trowa didn't even know what classes Duo took, let alone what his major was.

"I am," Trowa finally acknowledged when Duo refused to look up from his menu.

"And just what do you plan to do with that?"

"Gemma," Duo spoke up, a warning tone in his voice.

"I am merely asking a question, David." She turned her cool gaze back to Trowa.

"I plan to go to graduate school," he said.

"Where?"

"Gemma, we're freshmen - he doesn't know where he wants to go yet."

"_You_ do," she said frostily.

Duo grinned.

"Yeah, but I'm special."

"Yale," Trowa said, already desperate for the evening to end. He didn't need Duo defending him from his grandmother.

"Hm."

Trowa wondered where _Duo_ planned to go. He also wondered what his major was and he had the sudden sensation of guilt. He should at least know that much about him, shouldn't he?

The waiter arrived to take their orders before Gemma could ask any more questions, and Trowa took the opportunity to remind himself that the food, at least, would be worth the torture.

"I'll be right back," Duo said after the waiter left. He rose from the table and headed towards the bathroom.

Leaving Trowa alone with Gemma.

"He speaks very highly of you."

Trowa had to blink.

"You're joking."

Gemma arched one eyebrow.

"Do I appear to be laughing?"

"No," he said quickly.

"Duo speaks highly of you... yet I think it's obvious you don't feel the same about him."

Trowa wanted to crawl under the table.

"Your grandson is... really energetic," Trowa tried.

"My grandson thinks too highly of people," Gemma corrected him. "And my grandson trusts people too easily. _He_ might think you are a paragon of virtue but I am not so easy to convince."

"I, uh, I don't -"

She held up one hand.

"I'm not here to upset David. If he wants to somehow believe that you are his friend then for this evening I will allow it. But do _not_ think that I am fooled. I won't allow another boy to ruin his life."

Duo came back to the table with a smile on his face.

"Please tell me she didn't pull out the naked baby pictures or anything."

Gemma rolled her eyes.

"Nonsense. Trowa and I were just talking about his sister's restaurant in Hartford."

Trowa stared at her, but Gemma only cocked her head to one side.

"I thought you were from New York," Duo said.

"I am. My sister opened a restaurant in Hartford this summer."

He had no idea how Gemma had known that - unless she had looked into his background. But why would she do that?

He looked at her again and noticed that she wasn't just an elegant older woman. She was wearing the same type of clothing that people in the Winner circle wore - she was rich. And she didn't want anyone to ruin Duo's life. Again.

"What kind of restaurant?" Duo asked.

"It's this delightful place that serves American food with a French twist. I actually ate there two weeks ago when I was at a board meeting."

Duo sighed.

"Gemma. _What_ board meeting?"

"David, you know I'm on the board of trustees for Trinity College."

Which told Trowa that Gemma was not only rich - she was disgustingly rich. And she was clearly threatening him.

"No, Gemma, I didn't. When did you get that appointment?"

She smiled slightly and took a sip of the wine in front of her.

Duo gave Trowa an apologetic look.

"Anyway," Duo said into the silence, "I've still got a midterm to finish up before tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is Saturday, David," Gemma said.

But Duo stood up and looked at Trowa.

"Didn't you say something about having to study tonight?"

"David, sit down. You are acting like a child."

"Nope," Duo said. "I'm being a responsible adult - putting my school work first and all that. Anyway, I love you. Great to see you again." He kissed her cheek. "Let me know if you want to visit again."

With that he walked away from the table.

Trowa stared dumbly after him for a moment before standing up and following.

Duo was waiting for him outside of the restaurant.

"Dude, I am really, really sorry about that. I had no idea she was going to go all Law and Order on you."

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"I swear - she just told me to bring my roommate to dinner tonight. She didn't say anything about doing a freaking background check on you or joining the Trinity College board of trustees. Jesus!" Duo ran his hands through his hair. "Look, I'm really, really sorry. I'll talk to her tomorrow and work this out - she won't bother you again. And she's not going to do anything to your sister."

Duo seemed about ten times more upset about this than Trowa felt, and he wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Was Duo overreacting or was Trowa underreacting?

"Look, you promised me food," Trowa said. "And you're clearly loaded, so you can at least afford to buy me a pizza or something."

Duo stared at him for a minute and then grinned.

"Yeah - yeah I can do that."

They started to walk back towards campus and Duo ushered them into the pizza shop across from the library.

Duo led the way to the back and they sat down at a booth.

After a waitress came to take their order Duo buried his face in his hands.

"God I'm so embarrassed. The one time I convince you to hang out with me and my _grandmother_ tries to steamroll you."

"She's pretty scary - is your family in the mafia or something?"

Duo looked up.

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

Trowa rolled his eyes at that.

He waited until the pizza was in front of them before he asked the question he needed answered.

"She said you spoke highly of me - why did you bother to lie to your grandmother?"

Duo frowned around a mouthful of pizza.

"I didn't lie."

"You don't think highly of me."

"Says who?" Duo actually looked offended.

"Duo - we don't get along, at all."

"Sure we do - did you know that Bobby Preston, down the hall in 212 - he and his roommate beat the shit out of each other two weeks ago because Bobby left his dirty underwear on the floor again." Duo shrugged. "Never happened in our dorm room. You also don't have a secret narcotics lab in our room." Duo paused and arched an eyebrow. "Or do you?"

Trowa glared at him.

"I'll take that as a no. Besides, Gemma's background check would have pulled up any drug convictions. All I'm saying is, yeah, duh. I think highly of you if that's what she said."

Trowa decided that he was an asshole. He had hated Duo from the start and never given him a fair chance. Maybe, all this time, Duo had been a decent guy.

"I'm sorry about the other night - with the sock thing."

Duo shrugged.

"No worries. You're right. I should schedule those things. It just sort of, you know, happened."

Trowa sighed.

"Don't worry about it - just, leave the sock on the door in the future and I'll go away."

Duo shrugged again.

"Yeah. Okay. Sure. Same for you, you know."

Trowa snorted.

"Yeah, I think I'll pass."

Duo looked ready to say something, but then he shrugged and took another bite of his pizza.

-o-

The rest of the semester was surprisingly anticlimactic.

Finals had nearly destroyed Trowa's sanity - coupled with Duo's legitimately insane grandmother - but they completely prepared him for the sprint to finish the semester. He had his final papers done early and as finals week approached he was able to attend his study groups and impress everyone else with how prepared he was.

Of course, the fact that he came home to his dorm room to find a sock on the door almost every afternoon and was forced to spend hours in the library before he was able to get into his own room had something to do with that.

Trowa seemed to only see Duo in passing anymore - early in the morning when Duo stumbled in, coming back from wherever he had partied that night; when Duo left their room with his conquest of the day in tow after a "study" session; occasionally in the showers when Duo offered him a mock salute and absolutely no words of greeting.

Part of Trowa was relieved to no longer have to dodge his roommate. But another part couldn't help but notice that when he did see Duo, the braided boy always looked distant and unhappy.

It reminded Trowa too much of Quatre.

-o-

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: No, this is not an update for any of my WIPs. This is, in fact, a new story. I apologize for not updating my current projects. To be honest, every time I start to update any of them I find myself just staring at the screen: I feel so disconnected from the characters and stories. I'm not abandoning them, but I'm taking some very solid advice to write what I am inspired to write at the moment. I will return to those fics, sooner rather than later, but I just need to get back into the flow of writing again.

A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).

A/N #3: My apologies. My French is terrible and I'm relying on online translation programs. Forgive me.

Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...

Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.

_This Time_

Part 1: Chapter 2

_Spring 2002_

Trowa spent the winter vacation working his ass off at Catharine's restaurant. He was determined to save enough money so that he could live alone next year and he took every shift she gave him - waiting tables, bussing tables, cleaning dishes in the back. If there was work to be done then he did it.

As a result, Trowa was scheduled to work on New Year's Day and because fate hated him, he got to celebrate the new year by waiting on Gemma, Duo's grandmother.

"Trowa, what a delightful surprise," she greeted him coolly.

"Gemma," he returned. "I doubt it's much of a surprise to _you._"

She smiled slightly, and Trowa could see the faint resemblance between her and her grandson. Apparently it was a family trait to enjoy making his life miserable.

"I just found myself in the area and since I so enjoyed the last meal I had here..."

"Where's Duo?" Trowa found himself scanning the other tables, half expecting his roommate to jump out of thin air.

"David hates the cold. He is spending the last of his holiday with a friend. Some girl."

Trowa smiled despite himself.

"You're going to pretend that you don't know who she is? You've probably got her social security number memorized and her parents entire lives recorded."

Gemma snapped her menu open and Trowa laughed outright.

"Hilde Schiebecker," Gemma finally admitted. "They are in Cancun."

Trowa could all too easily imagine his roommate soaking up the sun and enjoying tequila shots.

"In any case, are you going to tell me the specials of day?"

Trowa did so quickly.

"I'll give you a few minutes to decide," he said and retreated to the kitchen.

Catharine saw the look on his face and put her hands on her hips.

"Don't tell me that you're quitting on me - in the middle of a shift."

"No. It's just that my roommate's grandmother is out there."

"Gemma?"

Trowa frowned in confusion.

"How do you know her? She's really being spying on me this whole time? What has she said to you? Has she -"

Catharine held up one hand.

"Calm down. She came in here a few months ago after a board of trustees meeting at Trinity College. This was before I had much business and she asked to speak to the chef... so we got to talking and realized we had you two in common. She comes in every few months."

"I can't believe this! She gave me this huge speech about staying away from Duo and her not trusting me and she's been stalking us this whole time!"

"_Or_ she's brought all of her influential friends to eat at my restaurant and I now cater events for Trinity College and the Museum and -"

"Okay, I get it. She's bribing you into liking you."

"What, exactly, are you afraid of here Trowa? And what do you think she's afraid of?"

"I don't know! She invited me to dinner last semester and when Duo left the table she gave me this speech about how wonderful Duo was and how wonderful Duo thought _I_ was but _she_ didn't think I was wonderful and she didn't want anyone else to ruin Duo's life."

"Huh." Catharine said. She turned to her assist, Maria. "Take over in here for a minute, will you?"

"What are you -"

"Wait here," Catharine said to him and then walked out of the kitchen.

Trowa stood by the door and watched Catharine stalk over to Gemma's table.

He couldn't hear what they said, and both women's face remained frozen in neutral smiles. It was almost five minutes later when Catharine came back into the kitchen.

"She's having the duck salad," she said to him.

"What just happened?"

"Nothing. Just a chat."

"A good chat?" Trowa asked.

"Oh, I think so. Now get back out there and do your job or I'm going to have to fire you."

Trowa rolled his eyes and left the kitchen.

He was able to avoid Gemma's table until her food was ready and when he brought out the salad he wasn't surprised that she tried to speak to him again.

"It seems that I've misjudged you, Trowa. I would like to apologize."

"Thank you?" He had no idea what to say.

She inclined her head and Trowa escaped again.

It wasn't until Catharine dropped Trowa off at the train station five days later that he asked her again what she had said to Gemma.

"I just set her straight," Catharine said with a shrug, but she wouldn't meet his gaze.

"You told her about Quatre."

"No, well, some, yes. I assured her that if you were the kind of person who made friends with wealthy people just for their money then you had already had ample opportunity to live the rest of your life as a very wealthy man and had passed."

Trowa closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Catharine."

"Trowa," she replied in the same tone. "It's the truth."

"Except it's not - I'm not even friends with Duo."

She arched an eyebrow.

"Why not? He's funny - kind of cute too."

"Please tell me you haven't been engaged in an illicit affair with him this entire time."

Catharine snorted.

"Not my type. Why aren't you friends?"

Trowa hesitated in answering her.

"I don't really want friends," he finally confessed.

"Trowa, I look at you sometimes and I just want to apologize."

"For what? You've been amazing. All my life -"

"All your life I've loved you and I've let you do things your own way and that's helped make you this incredible person, but it's also meant that you've always done things on your own. You've never really had close friends and I guess... I should have stepped in sooner and said something. And _now_ after everything that happened last summer... Trowa, it's like you're waiting for this point in your life when you're allowed to have fun. I'm worried that you aren't going to get there - I'm worried that you're going to spend your whole life chasing after this dream that won't ever come true and I'm sorry, because I should have stopped things before they got as far as they did. I never should have let you come to the Hamptons last summer."

"Cathy -"

"No, Trowa. I need to say this. I was there that day when Quatre came to see you in the hospital - when he told you about the ultimatum his father gave him. I watched him abandon you and I saw you... I saw you start to believe that you didn't deserve to be happy. I should have said something then but I was still so angry. Trowa, you deserve to be happy. You deserve so much more than a lifetime wishing to be with Quatre Winner."

Trowa tried to think of what to say.

"Now. Go back to college and make friends. Be happy."

He rolled his eyes.

"You don't have to be friends with your roommate," Catharine added, "but you don't have to hate him just because you're afraid of liking him."

"Don't worry, I'm not afraid of _that_ ever happening," Trowa assured her.

-o-

When Trowa arrived back at his dorm that afternoon he found Duo and Hilde in their room, both clothed, setting up a television and some kind of game system.

"Heya!" Duo greeted him from a tangle of wires. "Welcome back to an all new semester of awesome!"

Both he and Hilde looked tan and happy and Trowa found himself actually envying Duo, just for a minute.

"What's that?" He asked and gestured towards the game system.

"An XBOX. Got it for myself for Christmas... that and a little game called Halo. Hilde called dibs this time around but you're welcome to play whenever you want. You can also watch movies... listen to music... it's pretty much the wave of the future."

Trowa nodded disinterestedly. He was sure this was just some new tool Duo would torture him with.

Sure enough, in almost no time Hilde and Duo were sitting in front of the television, laughing and screaming as they slaughtered aliens.

Despite himself, Trowa continually looked up from his textbooks, intrigued by the game dialogue as well as Hilde and Duo's reactions.

After two hours Hilde gave up, throwing down her controller in disgust and rising to her feet.

"Okay loser, I've got to go - I've got a hot date with my sketchbook."

"Ugh, don't remind me." Duo lay down on the floor and covered his hands with his eyes. "Everytime I sit down to draw I can only think about that guy you picked up in Cancun - what was his name?"

"Rupert," Hilde supplied with a grin. She looked over at Trowa and saw that he wasn't buried in his books. "This tool - he kept trying to tell us that he was an artist -"

"An _artiste_," Duo corrected.

Hilde giggled.

"Right. Anyway he tried to talk us into making this avant garde film with him."

"A sex tape," Duo corrected again. "He tried to talk us into making a sex tape."

"Because _only when we are naked -"_

"_-can we truly come together as pure artistes,"_ Duo finished for her and they both started to laugh again.

Hilde shuddered.

"Ugh. I need to go shower now after thinking about him again. Catch you two later." She waved and left.

Duo, still on the floor, stretched out and grabbed Hilde's controller.

"Wanna?"

Trowa's first instinct was to say no.

Duo grinned.

"We can play the multiplayer - it's got a player versus player thing. You can spend the next two hours killing me - well, killing me virtually. And don't tell me _that_ doesn't sound like the best late Christmas present ever."

It did, and Trowa reached for the controller only to have Duo jerk it out of his reach.

"But," Duo added.

Trowa rolled his eyes. The torture was imminent, he was sure of it.

"_But_, each time I kill you, you have to answer a question about yourself."

Trowa scowled.

"We aren't fifth grade girls - I'm not playing truth or dare with you."

"And I'm not playing truth or dare with _you_," Duo agreed. "I'm playing Halo and I'm leveraging your desire to murder me against my desire to get to know you."

Put like that, Trowa felt like an asshole. He sighed.

"And when I kill you?"

Duo snorted.

"Not going to happen - but sure, let's say that if you kill me, yeah, you can ask me questions too."

Duo's cockiness irritated Trowa, but it soon became obvious that Duo had every reason to be arrogant - he killed Trowa three times before Trowa could even find out how to shoot his gun.

The questions Duo asked were disturbingly boring - what was his favorite flavor ice cream, did he like the Harry Potter movie, did he make a snowman over Christmas break - and their benign nature convinced Trowa that Duo was just lulling him into a false sense of security before asking anything worse.

Thankfully, however, Trowa's old gaming skills started to kick in once he figured out how to use the controller. Trowa had always been good at video games - when Quatre had owned a Nintendo 64 Trowa had routinely won every game they played - and now that he knew how to play he made a comeback. He escaped death at Duo's hands narrowly five more times before finally killing his roommate.

"Oh! Nicely played!" Duo chuckled at the sight of his lifeless body on the screen.

"What's your major?" Trowa asked.

Duo arched an eyebrow.

"That's your question? You've only got one shot at this and _that_ is what you want to know about me?"

Trowa shrugged.

"I killed you once, I can do it again. Plus, you're assuming I have an interest in you - I just want to be able to plan my future classes so I can avoid you."

Duo smirked.

"Yeah, okay. I'm a studio art and art history double major. Also picking up a minor in chemistry - which sucks because I'll be spending the next two summers of my life taking classes. Chemistry classes, during the summer. Worst form of torture ever."

Trowa frowned.

"Why?"

"Why are they torture or why am I taking them during the summer? It's chemistry - so it's torture... no need to explain that. And I'm taking them during the summer because -"

"No, why are you minoring in Chemistry? And double majoring?"

The idea of his roommate devoting enough time to his classwork to double major and pick up a lab science as a minor did not fall inline with Trowa's impression of Duo as a lazy joy seeker.

Duo smiled.

"I thought you weren't interested in me. Besides, you've already asked your question. Back to the murder fest - unless you're afraid of losing?"

Trowa glared and picked up his controller.

-o-

Spring semester started off surprisingly well.

Trowa and Duo now had a standing 'murder fest' on Sunday nights that Hilde occasionally joined them for and, thanks to the bits of information he had gleaned that first Sunday, Trowa knew enough about his roommate to tentatively decide not to hate him anymore.

It didn't mean they got along, or that Trowa spent his free time with Duo - aside from Sunday nights - but Trowa no longer had the instinct to leave the room if he entered it and found Duo already there.

It also helped that the socks on the door and the parade of men - and women - through their room had slowed to a trickle. Either Duo was planning his encounters with more consideration for Trowa, or he had slowed down to just two hook-ups a week. Either way, Trowa appreciated no longer having to flee his own room.

He took Catharine's advice to heart and agreed to go to a Valentine's party with Kurt and Mags, two fellow history majors who had impressed Trowa from day one with their sarcasm and seemingly limitless knowledge of Tudor England.

The party was being hosted by a graduate student in the theatre department, and Trowa wasn't surprised when he didn't recognize a single person there other than Kurt and Mags.

He accepted the solo cup of pink champagne that was offered to him at the door and downed it quickly while he surveyed the crowd.

Kurt and Mags had quickly started an argument with a group of theatre students about the superior writing of Christopher Marlowe. Trowa thought about joining them - he didn't have much interest in theatre or Tudor England but he enjoyed watching Kurt and Mags decimate their opponents in arguments.

Before he could join them, however, the empty solo cup was plucked from his hand.

Trowa turned around.

A tall blonde man stood behind him with a smirk on face.

"You were empty - want me to get you another?"

Trowa shrugged. The champagne was bitter and _pink_ but it was at least free.

The blonde man winked.

"Maybe something a little stronger?"

"Sure."

The man gestured and Trowa followed him out of the room and into the kitchen.

He watched man rummage around in a cupboard above a fridge and pull out a bottle of whiskey. He poured a liberal amount into two new cups and passed one to Trowa.

"Cheers."

Trowa nodded and took a sip. He decided that he should have stuck with the champagne.

"I'm Mike," the man said and held out one hand.

"Trowa."

They shook hands and Mike's fingers lingered on Trowa's wrist, lightly and subtly caressing his skin.

Trowa swallowed hard at the sensation.

"Are you a theatre major?" Mike asked.

"No. History. You?"

"English. I was invited by a friend of a friend who assured me this party was worth attending. Looks like he might be right."

Trowa was torn between laughter and embarrassment. The obvious line was ridiculous, but the way Mike looked at him made Trowa's entire body flush.

"I was invited by a few friends... but I think their only goal is to torture the theatre majors."

Mike arched an eyebrow.

"Did you want to go back to them?"

Trowa took a sip of his drink and fought back a scowl.

"No, I'm fine here."

It turned out that Mike was the most boring person Trowa had ever met. He was an English major - but he didn't like to read _long_ books - nothing over two hundred pages. He was from North Carolina and he went to Carolina because he liked the school colors.

Trowa was ready to escape from him after fifteen minutes of the dullest conversation in his life - he was actually starting to wish _Duo_ was there to liven things up - but Mike suggested they go back to one of their dorm rooms and get to know each other better and Trowa took him up on the offer.

They barely made it inside of Trowa's dorm before Mike starting undressing him.

Trowa broke free long enough to put a sock on the door and then he joined in Mike's efforts.

"You are hot," Mike informed him once Trowa was naked.

He wasn't exactly sure how to respond to the statement - or to the lustful admiration in Mike's eyes.

Mike clearly didn't expect a response from him, however. He quickly stripped himself and joined Trowa on the bed, straddling his hips and rubbing their groins together.

Trowa tried to sit up and kiss him, but Mike went the other way - bypassing Trowa's mouth and heading straight for his erection.

It felt good - there was no denying that - but it was also weird.

Trowa had only ever done this with Quatre, so he knew that his inexperience was probably coloring the situation, but surely it was normal to at least kiss someone before you went down on them?

Mike, however, seemed perfectly content to focus his energy on Trowa's cock and Trowa tried to just go with it.

He closed his eyes and tried to focus solely on the sensations of heat and -

"Hello, hello, holy fuck!"

Trowa opened his eyes to see Duo standing in the door, mouth open and eyes comically wide.

"Sock on the door!" Trowa shouted and pushed Mike - still happily sucking him off - away.

Duo's gaze dropped from Trowa's face to his crotch.

"My _face_ is up here," Trowa ground out and Duo's gaze snapped back up.

"Um... I, uh, I... right." Duo turned around and closed the door.

Trowa fell back on the bed and covered his face with his hands.

_The one time..._

He felt Mike kneel back between his legs.

"Mike - no. This isn't - you seriously want to keep going?"

Mike smirked.

"Sure. The more the merrier, I say - he was pretty hot. Any chance you can get him to come back?"

"Get out."

-0-

Trowa was grateful that Duo didn't come back to the dorm room that night, and he spent the next day cleaning their room and studying for his upcoming French exam.

It was the one class he really struggled in - his translations were always good enough, but never the best. There were still nuances he missed - especially in the older passages - and it killed him that he had almost had an A- last semester. He needed to maintain a 4.0 to make sure his chances of getting into Yale were at their best, and he needed to be proficient in French in order to be accepted into the history graduate program.

It was almost eight when someone knocked on his door.

Trowa felt dread settle in his stomach at the thought that Mike might have come back for another chance.

The knocking continued and Trowa decided that Mike - who wouldn't read more than two hundred pages - couldn't be _that_ determined.

He opened the door and found Hilde leaning against the frame.

"Trowa - hey." She tucked a strand of hair behind one ear and smiled seductively.

"Hilde."

"So, I need a favor." She bit her lower lip and Trowa had to roll his eyes.

"What is it?"

"I promised Duo I would bring him dinner - he's working late in the undergraduate studio over in the art department. But I can't because I've got a date in... fifteen minutes."

Before Trowa could protest she stuffed a ten dollar bill and a piece of paper into his hand.

"Great! Thanks - bye!" She waved and retreated.

Trowa glared after her but then sighed and pulled on his jacket.

He could do with a break from studying and, the more that he thought about it, the more he worried that last night might return his relationship with Duo to the way things had been last semester. Things weren't _great_ now, but he didn't want to go back.

He followed the instructions on the paper scrap and went to Jersey Mike's, ordering a ridiculously complicated sandwich, and then navigated his way across campus to the art department.

He had to ask for directions three times but eventually found the undergraduate studio.

Trowa looked around the room. It was empty except for Duo, at the very back corner of the huge studio. Duo's back was to Trowa, but the canvas he was working on was completely visible.

He had never seen Duo's work – he hadn't even known that Duo was an art major until this semester – and Trowa wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but this certainly wasn't it.

At first glance it looked like Duo was painting a skyline, all in blues and violets, but the closer Trowa got to it the less it looked like buildings and the more it looked like trees, roots branching out and strong trunks rising up into a world of darkness.

"Hey," Trowa said eventually, feeling guilty for looking at his painting while Duo was completely unaware of his presence.

The sound of his voice did nothing to disturb Duo from his work, however, so Trowa walked closer, until he was standing beside his roommate, and tapped him on the shoulder.

Duo jumped back with an alarmed cry, his paintbrush went flying in one direction and his paint palette landed upside down on the floor with a loud _splat_.

"Jesus fuck!" Duo pulled ear bud headphones out and regarded Trowa warily. "Dude, what the hell are you doing here?"

Trowa frowned.

"I'm sorry. Hilde sent me with food." He held up the bag, as if to prove his intentions.

Duo shook his head.

"Man, way to scare the shit out of me."

"I said hey – you didn't hear me." Trowa could understand why – now that the headphones were off, he could actually hear the loud blare of Duo's music through them. He was willing to bet Duo wouldn't have heard a marching band walk through.

Duo knelt down and started to clean up the mess from his palette.

Feeling useless and out of place, Trowa put the bag of food down and picked up Duo's paintbrush.

"Any napkins in that bag?" Duo asked when Trowa handed him the brush.

Trowa found several and passed the handful over to Duo, who mopped at the oil paints on the floor.

"I'll have to clean this up with some paint thinner," Duo said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry," Trowa said again.

"Nah, don't worry about that. I just hate the sound of the flammables cabinet door opening – it's like a cat dying or something."

Duo got to his feet and walked across the room to a large yellow cabinet and as he opened the door Trowa had to wince. It did indeed sound like a cat dying.

While Duo scrubbed at the mess on the floor, Trowa took the opportunity to look at the painting more.

"This is for a class?"

"That?" Duo looked up and then shook his head. "No, class stuff is over there." He nodded towards a few canvases laying flat on a nearby table.

Trowa wandered over to them and was taken aback. One was a still life study, a bowl of fruit, but instead of looking lush and fresh the fruit appeared to be rotting, with flies and even a few maggots. It was vivid enough that Trowa actually felt slightly nauseous, and he could almost smell rotting fruit. The other painting was just as shocking, but for an entirely different reason.

"That's me."

He looked over and saw Duo's cheeks actually turn red.

"Yeah, we had to do a portrait…"

"Why me?" Trowa couldn't decide how he felt, staring at his own face rendered remarkably well by Duo's brush. "I look happy."

"You do, sometimes," Duo said, and there was a defensive note in his voice. He sighed. "I didn't want to do some kid or some chick – which is what everyone else was doing, and I kind of put it off until last minute so… I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," Trowa said. He turned away from the paintings.

"Um, thanks for bringing me dinner," Duo said after an awkward moment of silence. He threw away the napkins and wiped his hands off on his jeans before opening the bag.

"Hilde said you'd starve otherwise."

Duo grinned slightly and then moaned in pleasure when he unwrapped the Jersey Mike's sandwich.

"Damn, dude, you even got the order perfectly right!" He was about to bite into it, but stopped to look at Trowa. "Have you eaten – do you want half?"

"No, thanks."

Duo sat down on the nearest table top and Trowa sat down beside him. His mission of feeding Duo had been accomplished, but he was hesitant to leave. He and Duo rarely spoke – not unless Duo felt the need to give a monologue on something he found to be important or Trowa grew irritated enough about something to actually complain or their shouting matches during Halo – and he found himself reluctant to end their conversation.

"Look, I'm sorry about last night," Duo said around a mouthful of sandwich.

"It's okay, I wasn't that into it anyway."

Duo arched an eyebrow.

"Not that into being gay?" he asked in disbelief.

"No, that into _him_."

Duo grinned broadly.

"I dunno, you seemed to be _into_ him about as far as you could go."

Trowa refused to give Duo the satisfaction of being embarrassed or responding to the comment.

Duo rolled his eyes.

"But seriously – you weren't that into him?" Duo prompted.

Trowa shrugged.

"He was… kind of boring. We didn't have anything in common."

Duo snorted.

"Except for a love of cock. What do you mean he was boring? Did you expect him to be composing a symphony or something while he was going down on you?"

Trowa glared.

"_No_. But before that – we had nothing to talk about. He just wanted sex."

"Then send him my way, will you?" Duo shook his head and took another bite. "What's wrong with that?"

"Maybe I'd like to do more than just fuck my way through college," Trowa growled, irritated by Duo's tone and his general attitude towards sex.

"Maybe I would too," Duo agreed, not the least bit offended, "but I also like getting laid. Not everyone is going to be a winner, yanno."

"Do you even see the same guy more than twice – ever?" Trowa challenged.

Duo shrugged.

"A few times. But as a general rule, no. I'm nineteen, dude, I'm not looking for…"he frowned and then turned to face Trowa, a speculative look in his eyes. "Don't tell me… are you one of those morons who believes in fate and true love and all that bullshit?"

Trowa clenched his jaw against the immediate wave of anger and embarrassment he felt.

"Fucking hell, you totally _are_!" Duo shook his head. "You poor bastard. Who is he?"

"What?"

"Who is he – this one true love of yours? Because the only way people our age still believe in that shit is if they think they've _found_ their true love. So out with it – who is he?"

Trowa sighed. He contemplated just leaving, but he felt strangely compelled to stay and talk to Duo. He didn't even _like_ his roommate most of the time – almost none of the time, in fact – but he actually trusted him, and he wouldn't mind talking about Quatre to someone.

"Quatre Winner," Trowa said with a sigh. Duo arched an eyebrow.

"Quatre Winner?" He echoed, a note of surprise in his voice, and Trowa couldn't tell if he was making fun of the name or recognized it.

Trowa nodded. "My sister used to work for his family. Growing up, I'd see him during the summers, when he was home from boarding school."

"So he was rich."

"Yeah. I think his father owns a country or something. Anyway… he's it."

"So… why aren't you with him now?"

Trowa winced.

"His father caught us having sex, last summer, and threatened to disown Quatre if he didn't stop being gay."

Duo snorted. "Seriously? Stop being gay? How do you even –"

"I don't know, but he is. I mean, he told me we couldn't be together and he's… _trying_ to be straight now."

"That is fucked up," Duo muttered, a dark look on his face. "So he's off fondling tits and you're… bored out of your mind and not that into it when a hot guy deep throats you."

"You seem really fixated on just how much of my cock was in his mouth," Trowa snarled.

Duo actually chuckled.

"Dude, I'm _jealous_. I saw how big you were when he freaked out – hell, I don't think that _I_ could swallow that much of you. And I've had a few years of practice." Duo winked. "I'm just saying…"

"You only ever think about sex, don't you?" Trowa challenged him.

"Most of the time," Duo agreed with a grin.

Trowa shook his head.

"You don't want someone to talk to? Someone who means something more than… more than a blow job or a piece of ass?"

"Sure I do. But I'm not going to set myself up for disappointment by waiting around for 'happily ever after' – I'm doing just fine with 'happy for right now' instead."

Trowa frowned. It was similar to what Catharine had told him in January - but with a Duo spin on it that made it just feel wrong.

"Anyway," Duo said and crumpled up the sandwich wrapper, "I really appreciate the food."

"No problem," Trowa said and got off the table.

"Hey," Duo said to him as he started to leave, "you're still taking French this semester, right?"

"Yeah, Intermediate French II."

"Me too - I'm taking it with Madame Harcourt, you?"

"Madame Sylvie."

"I heard she's pretty cool - hey, want to join my study group?"

Trowa couldn't hide his surprise.

"You're in a study group?"

"How else am I going to practice my pick up lines?"

Trowa rolled his eyes and started to walk away again.

"No, but I'm serious - you'd actually like everyone else."

"When do you meet?"

"Wednesday and Saturday at six over in the Cobb study room."

"Okay."

-o-

Duo's study group was the most eclectic group Trowa had ever encountered.

There was Duo himself, and Hilde, but also a French major - Alice - a women's studies major - Max - and a political science major - Ralph. They appeared to have absolutely nothing in common except that they were all _loud._

Trowa could hear them down the hall as he approached the study room, even though the door was closed.

When he actually opened the door he discovered the group shouting at each other - in French. They appeared to be arguing about which was better - Hugo's _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ or Rostand's _Cyrano de Bergerac._ Trowa felt simultaneously entirely out of his league and desperate to jump in.

They all spoke excellent French and their vocabulary was impressive.

Duo noticed him lurking in the doorway.

"Trowa! Je ne pensais pas que vous rendrait. Heureux que vous avez décidé de se joindre à nous, les réprouvés. Désolé - je voulais dire de futurs maîtres de l'univers."

Duo ushered him in and made introductions before shoving Trowa into the open seat beside Ralph and returning to the argument at hand.

Trowa could only sit back and listen.

It was clear that everyone in the room belonged in a higher level class than Intermediate French II, but it was even more clear that Duo was in a league of his own. His French was flawless, and if Trowa hadn't heard him speak English he would have assumed that Duo was a native speaker of French. He knew all the mannerisms, inflections and idioms that Trowa had seen his professors demonstrate.

The conversation moved from literature to history and Trowa was finally able to contribute - when Alice suggested the Vichy government was the only choice France had had during World War II Trowa was able to outline the various military and diplomatic options that would have allowed France to retain independence and he was gratified when Ralph jumped in to back him up with even more examples.

He returned Ralph's triumphant smirk when Alice leaned back in her chair with a curse.

It was almost eight when Hilde checked her watch and told them all she had to leave. Everyone started to pack up their things and Trowa couldn't help but feel disappointed that the session was over.

"I take it you'll come back next week?" Ralph asked him.

Trowa nodded.

"I'm not sure how much this will help me with my translations, but my conversational French is going to be amazing after this."

Ralph chuckled.

"That's true - but we don't _just_ sit here and argue. I can't promise that your translations will ever be on par with Duo's but I can pretty much guarantee that they'll be awesome."

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"That's a pretty bold statement."

Ralph shrugged.

"I stand by it. We're all at the top of our sections, so Duo wouldn't have invited you to join us if you weren't equally brilliant. _But_ if you think you might need some private tutoring, I'd be happy to help."

Trowa found himself nodding.

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

Ralph smiled.

"Great. See you Wednesday!"

Trowa watched him leave and then fell into step with Duo as they walked back to their dorm.

"So... not too painful, was it?"

"No," Trowa agreed. "That might be some of the most fun I've had at college."

"Dude, we have _got_ to get you out more often. Don't get me wrong - arguing with those guys is a blast, but there are more fun things to do out there."

Trowa glared at him.

"Things that involve clothes staying on."

Duo smirked.

"Hey, I never said this was an orthodox study group - sometimes we play strip-vocab-review."

"No you don't."

"No, we don't," Duo agreed. "But I'm working on it."

They walked in silence for a few minutes.

"So..." Duo started casually and Trowa instantly went on the defensive. "What did you think of Ralph?"

"He seems cool," Trowa said, hesitant to commit himself.

Duo nodded.

"Right? Met him last semester and we've been study buddies ever since. You know, he plans on being the first gay president."

"He's gay?"

"Yep. And single... and he's got some dumb ideas about not having one night stands and instead wanting to be in a meaningful relationship... blah blah blah... sound like anyone you know?"

Trowa shoved him off the sidewalk and Duo stumbled into the grass. He was back on his feet a minute later, grinning like a loon.

"That's what I thought."

-o-

Over the next few weeks Duo _subtly_ forced Trowa and Ralph to sit next to each other at the study group meetings. He _subtly_ invited Ralph over to play Halo and then had a last minute project he had to finish in his studio. He _subtly_ dropped details about their personal lives to each other. He _subtly_ suggested they work on translating a menu at a restaurant together.

By spring break it was clear that Duo was exasperated by the lack of progress his matchmaking scheme was making and Trowa himself was starting to wonder if Ralph actually had any interest in him.

At their final study group meeting before the break, Duo suggested that everyone spend the vacation watching French porn, glared at Trowa and Ralph, and stormed out of the room.

The others followed him out, but Ralph remained and gave Trowa a look.

"I _think_ he's trying to tell us something," Ralph said.

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"That he's gone insane?"

Ralph chuckled.

"That, and that he thinks I should ask you out."

"But you don't agree?"

Ralph shrugged one shoulder.

"I'm not saying I don't want to go out with you, but I don't want to get between whatever is going on with you and Duo."

Trowa had to laugh.

"The only thing going on between Duo and I is a battle over _my_ sanity. He's my roommate - and a friend, I guess - but that's it."

Ralph still looked uncertain.

"There's not something else? Some disastrous failed attempt at dating or -"

"No. There's nothing else. He didn't even know I was gay until a few weeks ago."

Ralph smiled slowly.

"In that case - what are you doing tomorrow night?"

"I'm taking the train back to Connecticut. You?"

"Also taking the train - but to New York. What are you doing when we get _back_ from spring break?"

Trowa picked up his notebooks and textbook.

"Hopefully going out on a date with you - but if you say anything to Duo I'm just going to deny it."

Ralph winced in mock sympathy.

"You don't want to just put him out of his misery?"

"Hell no."

-o-

Finals were only a few weeks away and Trowa could feel the stress of everyone around him like some kind of tangible, dark force. Even Duo fell prey to the stress - more than once Trowa woke up to find Duo up in the middle of the night, memorizing paintings and writing essays. It was almost unnerving, but also satisfying - Duo's superhuman ability to remain chipper was finally starting to fade, and Trowa was able to appreciate him more.

Even his rants grew more tolerable.

Aside from _still_ trying to subtly push Ralph and Trowa together at every chance he got, Duo also focused his attention on the volume of noise generated by the football team housed on the floor above theirs.

Duo would wax eloquent on the likelihood of the jocks getting traumatic brain injuries or crippling spinal fractures and it sounded like he was reciting poetry when he talked about their job prospects after flunking out of college and not getting drafted into the NFL.

He also developed a burning passion for caf food - a passion that Trowa had felt since day one - and more than once Trowa came back to the dorm room to find Duo laying on his bed, eating fresh fruit or sushi that he generously shared with Trowa after delivering a monologue about the poor sanitation and terrible nutritional value of caf food.

Two weeks before finals, Duo came storming into their room one morning, soaking wet and wearing one towel wrapped low on his hips and another around his hair.

"That's it. I'm done. I'm moving off campus next year and I am _never_ taking a shower here again."

Trowa was startled out of reviewing his notes and looked up.

"You're not going to shower for the next month?"

Duo glared at him.

"_After. After_ the semester ends and I move off campus."

"What happened?"

"Some dumbass jock copped a feel. _Again._"

"And that's a problem because..."

"Because he thought I was a girl!" Duo pulled off the towel covering his hair in an angry gesture. "He saw the hair and thought I was a chick!"

Trowa tried not to laugh.

"Don't you dare laugh. It's not funny. This has happened _five _times now."

"Maybe you should get a tattoo on your ass - 'I'm a dude' or something."

"Maybe _you -"_

"Or you could cut your hair," Trowa continued.

"I'm not cutting my hair," Duo grumbled. "I'm moving off campus. Besides, the food is crap and this way I can eat what I want - when I want. No more football jocks keeping me up at night, no more fire drills at five in the morning..."

"No more roommate," Trowa added with a frown.

He hadn't given next year much thought, but if Duo moved off campus then Trowa would either have to find a new roommate - or he really would have to save up enough money to pay for a single dorm room.

He really didn't want to have to find a new roommate. It had taken him almost a year to start tolerating Duo - and Duo was smart, funny, thoughtful. Most of the guys their age were idiots, selfish and didn't think sitting around for hours arguing about French literature was fun.

Trowa thought it was possible to get enough money for a single next year but he realized that he didn't want to. He _wanted_ to live with Duo.

"Well..." Duo said. "I mean, I figure that I've got you trained now - plus if your sister is a badass cook then surely you've got some kind of culinary skill... you could come with me. If you wanted to."

"I could," Trowa agreed slowly, trying to decide if this would end horribly.

Duo grinned broadly and Trowa actually found himself smiling back.

-o-

The day after finals ended Duo somehow managed to con Hilde and Max into helping them move out of the dorm and into their new apartment.

Trowa had asked Ralph to help, and when he showed up to start loading boxes into Duo's car, Trowa decided it was time to put Duo out of his misery.

"Hey," he greeted Ralph loudly enough for Duo to hear.

"Hey yourself," Ralph replied.

"I thought you couldn't stay," Duo spoke up.

Ralph shrugged.

"I rescheduled - I'm leaving tomorrow instead. I had to stay and help my boyfriend move into his new apartment."

Duo looked between them.

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Ralph kissed Trowa and then picked up a box.

"How _long_ have you two been dating?" Duo asked.

"Since spring break," Trowa said.

Duo closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Fuck you both. I -"

"Oh, we do," Trowa assured him.

"I've created a monster," Duo decided. He hefted a box and walked past Trowa. "A monster."

-o-

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: No, this is not an update for any of my WIPs. This is, in fact, a new story. I apologize for not updating my current projects. To be honest, every time I start to update any of them I find myself just staring at the screen: I feel so disconnected from the characters and stories. I'm not abandoning them, but I'm taking some very solid advice to write what I am inspired to write at the moment. I will return to those fics, sooner rather than later, but I just need to get back into the flow of writing again.

A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).

A/N #3: _This_ is how I picture Duo's mother (take out all the spaces)

2009 /07 /10 /richard-avedon-at-sfmoma /

The photograph of Liam Neeson totally exists - just Google it.

Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...

Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.

_This Time_

Part 1: Chapter 3

_Fall 2002_

"Just admit it. You saw it and it ruined your life. You're too emotionally vulnerable and scarred to talk about it - but just _admit_ that you saw it."

"No."

"Trowa, it's me. Duo - your buddy. Your roommate. I'm here for you. Whatever you need - hugs, alcohol, shower sex - but I can't help you if you don't admit you have a problem."

Trowa struggled to remember why moving in with Duo had seemed like a good idea.

It was August, and while Duo had been in their apartment all summer, taking his dreaded chemistry classes, Trowa had arrived only yesterday. It felt as though Duo was trying to make up for lost time - because in the twenty-four hours that Trowa had been there Duo had already made him contemplate homicide three times.

"Duo. I did _not_ see Attack of the Clones."

Duo arched an eyebrow.

"I didn't see it either, you know. It felt like I was living it - like someone had ripped open my brain and discovered my deepest nightmares and bam! I'm living them."

Trowa rolled his eyes.

"That's not what I meant. I did not see that movie - I didn't see the Phantom Menace either," he added and Duo's jaw dropped.

"I call bullshit on that one - you really expect me to believe you didn't see the Phantom Menace? I _know_ you've got a thing for Ewan McGregor."

Trowa shrugged.

"Believe what you want."

"I feel like I don't even _know_ you anymore," Duo said and stared at him with disbelief. "It's like I've been living with a stranger all this time. I -"

He was mercifully interrupted by knocking at their door.

Trowa managed to beat Duo to the door and opened it, relieved to see Ralph on the other side.

"Hey," Trowa greeted him, smiling in relief.

"Hey yourself." Ralph kissed him and Trowa leaned into it, revelling in the sensation.

He hadn't seen Ralph all summer, and even though they had emailed and called each other every week, Trowa had missed him.

Behind them Duo cleared his throat.

They broke apart and Trowa turned to glare at Duo.

"Hey Duo," Ralph greeted him with a smile.

"Ralph - good to see you."

"How was your summer?"

"Finally over - yours? Fun times in D.C.?"

Ralph shrugged.

"I was basically an official coffee fetcher, but I learned a lot."

"Cool, cool... well..." Duo looked between them and smirked. "I've got somewhere to be so I'll just see myself out - don't get any stains on the couch."

"Why, again, did I want to move in with him?" Trowa asked once Duo was gone.

"I think it was something about your own room with a decent sized bed... perfect for sharing with your amazing boyfriend?"

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"I knew I left something off my to do list this summer - any idea where I could find this amazing boyfriend you speak of?"

Instead of answering, Ralph kissed him again.

"I missed you," Ralph said.

"Me too," Trowa confessed.

"So, about this bed you keep talking about..."

Trowa smiled and used Ralph's shirt to pull him towards his room.

"_I _keep talking about it?"

"You might have mentioned it, at some point."

Trowa kicked the door shut behind them and locked it.

Ralph gave him a questioning look.

"I'm not about to risk Duo walking in on me again, not when we're in the middle of catching up," Trowa explained and kissed Ralph again.

Ralph returned the kiss but then pulled away when Trowa tried to take off his pants.

"Walk in on you _again_?"

Trowa sighed and nodded.

"One of the five most humiliating moments of my life."

Ralph smiled.

"This I've got to hear. I can't even imagine what your face looks like when you're embarrassed - let alone humiliated."

Trowa glared at him.

"Picturing me humiliated is suddenly more important than getting me naked?"

"Well, it wasn't until just now when you tried to change the subject." Ralph tugged Trowa down onto the bed. "Now, tell me all about this time Duo walked in on you."

Trowa gave in and used Ralph's stomach as a pillow while he narrated the memory.

"I met this guy at a party - Mike - and we decided to go back to my room and get to know each other a little more... nakedly, I guess. Anyway, we're both naked and Mike is going down on me and Duo walks into the room." It felt awkward to discuss a past hook-up with his current boyfriend, but Trowa tried to just power through it.

"Duo completely freaked out - he didn't even know I was gay before that. He was actually speechless - probably for the first and only time in his life - and then he bolted. Didn't come back to the room all night or the next day until I brought him dinner and we talked."

"No wonder you question your decision to live with him - why do you, again?"

But the story of Mike reminded Trowa of that night, talking to Duo in the art studio, admitting to thinking he had a soulmate and admitting that that same soulmate had abandoned him.

He remembered that not even a week later Duo had started trying to set him up with Ralph - an amazing guy who wanted to be in a relationship and wasn't just looking for a one night stand.

"Probably because he's one of the best friends I've ever had," Trowa said.

Not only had Duo never taunted him about Quatre or soulmates - but he had actually found Trowa a guy who made him think that he _could_ be happy with someone else.

"Really?"

Trowa rolled over and looked Ralph in the eyes.

"Sure. He set me up with you."

Ralph smiled, a slow expression that lit up his entire face. It was an irresistible smile - much like Duo's - and such a sincerely happy expression that it was impossible not to smile back at him.

"You're going to be a great politician," Trowa decided.

Ralph snorted.

"Not according to Congressman Weiner."

"I'm sorry - who?"

"Weiner - Anthony Weiner. I told you I was doing an internship for my Congressional representative."

"You didn't tell me you would be working for Congressman _Dick_."

Ralph rolled his eyes.

"Thanks, _Duo_."

"You said he didn't like you."

"I don't know - he said I was too naive if I thought gay marriage would ever be legalized in this country."

"I agree that you're naive - but this country is built upon a revolutionary spirit. We change things for the better all the time."

"Speaking about changing things - want to change the topic back to getting naked and making up for lost time?"

"I don't know, talking about your boss this summer makes me -"

Ralph kissed him again, forestalling further comment, and the rest of the afternoon was spent remembering how good it felt to be together.

-o-

"So, do you remember last year for my birthday when I made you go to dinner with Gemma and it was a total disaster?"

Duo had ambushed him in the library, somehow discovering the spot Trowa hid in deep in the stacks when he wanted to hunker down and focus on his papers.

"How did you find me here?" Trowa demanded when Duo suddenly sat down beside him.

"Spies. I pay them well and in return they feed me trivial information."

Trowa glared at him.

"_Or_," Duo said as pulled a granola bar and a bottle of Dr. Pepper out of his backpack, "your boyfriend asked me to bring you sustenance because he's convinced you're going to starve to death studying for your midterms and he had a fraternity meeting to go to and couldn't make it himself."

"Thanks," Trowa said, touched by Ralph's thoughtfulness. He accepted the contraband items from Duo and couldn't help but look around before opening the drink and taking a deep sip.

"Anyway, back to me for a minute here."

Trowa sighed.

"Yes. I remember the Disaster Dinner."

"Is that what we're calling it?"

"Yeah - there was a vote - didn't you get the memo?"

Duo smiled.

"Anyway, I was wondering if -"

"Wait, that was your birthday?"

Duo nodded.

"Yeah, that's why Gemma was in town."

"I didn't know."

Duo shrugged.

"Not a big deal - trust me. _Anyway_, this year Gemma got me tickets to a new show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art _and_ front row seats to see _Metamorphoses_ on Broadway over Fall Break."

"Sounds like fun."

"Yeah - I'm planning on it. So, she got me two tickets."

"Hilde will have a great time with you - I promise not to let the apartment burn down while you're gone."

"_Actually_, Hilde has plans already."

Trowa waited for Duo to continue.

"So, I was wondering... feel like spending Fall Break in the city with me? Maybe you can visit your old haunts - look up friends... see some kick ass artwork and an amazing play... hang out with me..."

Trowa's first instinct was to say no - he was always cautious when Duo sprung new things on him, but he reflected on the fact that Duo was actually a good roommate and a better friend - he had even mellowed, just a little, over the past year.

"Wait - is Gemma going to be there?"

Duo smirked.

"Nah, she's in Marseilles until November. I'll take that as a yes?"

Trowa nodded.  
"Yeah, sure - it sounds like fun."

"Great, there's just one thing."

Trowa sighed.

"What?"

"You've got to admit the truth. You _saw_ Attack of the Clones, didn't you?"

"Go away," Trowa commanded.

Duo grinned again and got back to his feet.

"I'm going to get the truth out of you - one way or another. You _will_ give in."

Trowa refused to fall for the bait.

"... to the dark side, dude. The dark side."

"Leave me alone."

"Alright, I'm going, I'm going. Listen - Ralph wanted me to tell you not to freak out too much about your French Lit exam - you're going to ace it."

Duo left him in peace, and Trowa settled back against the shelves of books, caffeinated, happy to have Ralph as a boyfriend, and finally able to admit to himself that he valued Duo as a friend.

-o-

The train ride to New York City was uneventful. Duo apparently slept like a baby on trains and was out the minute the train left the station, only waking up when they arrived at Grand Central Station hours later.

Duo led the way out of the station, shouldering his way through the crowd with a natural ease that made Trowa curious. As they walked down Vanderbilt Avenue, Trowa had to ask.

"Remember when I told you I was from New York and you never said where you were from?"

Duo nodded.

"Yeah - you never asked. Remember, you're not interested in my personal life."

"Right. You're not from the city."

"Nope," Duo agreed.

"But you're plowing through these people like you've been doing it all of your life."

"Well, at some point I was pushed in a stroller, so it wasn't really _me_ plowing through people."

"So..."

"So we used to spend Christmas in the city when I was a kid."

"You hate the cold," Trowa said, remembering his conversation with Gemma back in January.

"Which is why I don't spend Christmas here anymore. Thank God Gemma has a house in Miami."

"Where are you from?"

"California - and put a pause on your interrogation while we check in, will ya?"

Duo had come to a halt in front of an Art Deco facade that Trowa easily recognized.

"We're staying at the Waldorf Astoria?"

Duo smiled at him.

"Not up to your high standards?"

"No, it's great," Trowa said, feeling like an idiot. It was hard to remember that Duo had money - he didn't act like the trust fund kids Trowa had known in the past. Duo had furnished their apartment with furniture from Goodwill and his car was used. If Trowa had never met Gemma he would have just assumed Duo was from a middle-class background.

He followed Duo through the sumptuous lobby to the front desk and waited, feeling ridiculous and out of place, while Duo checked them in.

A porter took their bags and led them towards the elevator.

"Hope you don't mind sharing a bed - it is a king, though."

Trowa glared at Duo but his roommate smirked.

"Kidding."

The room turned out to be a small suite - Duo's words - and not only were they not sharing beds, they weren't even sharing a bedroom.

"This is the nicest hotel room I've ever been in," Trowa confessed once the porter was gone.

"It's not bad," Duo agreed. "Gemma went all out."

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"Did she know you were bringing me?"

Duo grinned.

"What? Trowa - Gemma loves you!"

Trowa snorted.

"She has a funny way of showing it."

Duo shrugged, turning the gesture into a stretch.

"Ugh, I hate sitting in one place for that long. I'm going to shower and then hit the town. Here's your room key," Duo handed him a thin plastic card.

"What did you have planned?" Trowa asked.

"Dunno yet. I mean - I'm dragging you with me to the museum tomorrow and to the show tomorrow night, but... that's the only solid plans I've made. I assume you're going to meet up with some of your friends and hang out?"

Trowa frowned. He remembered Duo mentioning that during his sales pitch.

"No. There's no one here I want to spend time with."

"Really? What about your soul mate - Quatre something? You don't want to reconnect with him?"

Trowa gave him a look.

Duo held up his hands in supplication.

"Just asking. I'm not saying you should hook up with him, but I figure if you think he's your soul mate then maybe you might want to see how he's doing with the whole being straight thing."

"He's at Princeton. Their fall break is next week."

Duo sighed.

"Dude, I was just messing with you - you actually checked to see when his fall break was?"

"Yes."

"You get that he's not worth your time, right?"

Trowa glared.

Duo sat down on the couch and patted the spot next to him.

"Come on. Sit down and tell me that I'm wrong and that you're miserable with Ralph and all you ever think about is Quatre."

Trowa scowled.

"No, I'm not miserable with Ralph. Ralph is great."

"But..." Duo drawled.

Trowa gave in and sat down beside Duo.

"But, yes, I do think about Quatre. Not all the time, but..."

"But enough that you feel like you're cheating on Ralph."

"_No_. Maybe," Trowa conceded.

"Two things - one, you're nineteen and two, you're nineteen! You really think that you're supposed to spend the rest of your life with one person - Quatre or Ralph? You really think that you aren't going to graduate college and go off to Yale and fall for some totally hot law student? Then you're going to break up with him and probably meet five more guys -at least - before you find someone you actually want to be with."

"I know you think I'm an idiot for believing in -"

"No," Duo cut him off. "I don't think you're an idiot for _wanting_ to believe in true love or whatever. But you don't, not really. Because if you _did_ you'd be alone and miserable, pining after Quatre and stalking him in his dorm room or something. And you're not doing that."

"No," Trowa agreed. Over the past two years he had thought about contacting Quatre, had even started to call him a handful of times before hanging up, remembering Quatre asking him to forget about him.

"So why is this bothering you now?" Duo asked, interrupting his thoughts. "Is it because you're back in New York or... has this been going on for a while now?"

"How is it possible you know me this well?"

"Well, I'm a genius - plus I've got those spies I told you about."

Trowa sighed.

"Last week Ralph told me that he loved me."

Duo nodded.

"Which I think you probably saw coming, based on the fact that he _loves_ you..."

Trowa frowned.

"I didn't think he would _say_ it."

"But he did - and I'm guessing you didn't say it back?"

"No. It was - we were having sex, so he probably didn't even mean to say it."

"Yeah, he meant it."

Trowa looked over at him.

"Trust me on this," Duo said, an unreadable expression on his face. "He meant it."

"So now I _have_ to say it to him."

"Only if you feel the same way."

Trowa frowned.

"And you think I don't?"

"I don't know. Do you?"

"I don't know," Trowa said.

"Okay, Ralph said he loved you and now you've started thinking about Quatre again... because you _did_ love Quatre and you think telling Ralph you love him means you're giving up on Quatre?"

"Partially," Trowa agreed. "But it's different - I don't feel the same about Ralph. It's not like it was with Quatre."

"Was Quatre like the boyfriend you had _before_ him?"

Trowa shook his head.

"I didn't have a boyfriend before Quatre - he was my first."

Duo groaned.

"Oh, this is so much worse than I thought!"

Trowa glared at him.

"Look," Duo sat up straighter and angled his body towards Duo. "What you had with Quatre was - I'm guessing - amazing. But that was _then_. Ralph isn't Quatre and that's honestly, probably a really good thing. Quatre's the one who did what his father told him to do and decided to become _straight_. Ralph is the one who makes sure you don't freak out during midterms and tolerates your crazy roommate and _loves_ you. They're different people, so of course it feels different."

Trowa shook his head.

"I know that, but it's just not - it's not as much. With Quatre - all I wanted was to be with him. I didn't care about anything else. With Ralph - I don't know, sometimes I prioritize over him. I shouldn't be able to do that, not if I really loved him, right?"

"_Or_ you've got a life and you know that putting one person at the center of it isn't a good idea."

Trowa sighed.

"But maybe you really don't love him _as much_ as you loved Quatre. Maybe Ralph isn't your soul mate. Maybe you guys were just a thing for a few months and you're done with him. Do you ever think about breaking up with him?"

"No," Trowa answered instantly. The idea of _not_ being with Ralph was...

"So you _do_ love him," Duo decided.

"I really don't know," Trowa said after taking a moment to consider it. "I know that I don't feel about him the same way as I felt about Quatre, but I do really like him. I guess I just don't have much basis for comparison."

"Well, you should talk to him about it. Tell him about Quatre. Tell him that you really, really, really like him but you're scared."

"I'm not -"

"Yes, you are."

Duo held his gaze and Trowa was forced to nod in agreement.

"But if you _don't_ talk to him, it's going to come back and bite you in the ass."

"You realize that taking advice from you about my love life is like taking advice from Satan about selling girl scout cookies."

Duo grinned.

"I'm going to see the compliment you buried in that sentence and ignore the insult. Think about it this way - have I ever steered you in the wrong direction?"

"You mean like that time you told me to try the sweet potato casserole at the caf and I was in the infirmary for two days with food poisoning?"

"One, when _I_ tried it, it was delicious - it's not my fault they ran out and had to make a new batch that was somehow contaminated with salmonella. And two -"

"Or do you mean like the time that you told me I should take an acting class for my art requirement because it would be an easy A and instead I spent last semester working my ass off to memorize monologues and understand the inner thoughts of an ice cream cone?"

"Still easier than music appreciation, which is what you tried to take instead."

Trowa gave him a look.

"You don't have to take my advice, but you know, I've got your back."

"Yeah, I know."

"Great! Now that we've solved all of your personal problems, I'm going to shower - try to think of an awesome restaurant we can go to, will ya?"

-O-

"Okay, the Avedon gallery should be... right up here."

The morning had passed surprisingly quickly. Duo had woken him up at eight - an obscene time considering that it was fall break and that they had been out until almost two the night before.

Trowa had taken them to an Ethiopian restaurant he remembered going to once with Catharine and Duo had fallen in love with the food - and with their waiter, who happened to be in a band that was playing at a club that night. One thing led to another and Trowa and Duo found themselves suffocating in an underground club while Duo quickly fell out of love with the waiter - he was a terrible guitarist and the music was some combination of death metal and folk music that was just _weird_.

But the look on Duo's face when he ripped the comforter off Trowa's bed and told him to get a move on was deadly serious, so Trowa got up, showered and dressed, all the while cursing Duo and wanting to climb back into the ridiculously comfortable bed and cuddle with the amazingly soft pillows.

Duo ushered him out of the room and the hotel, stopping only to procure bagels and coffee when Trowa refused to budge without morning caffeine, and then propelled them through Manhattan to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

The next few hours were some of the best Trowa had ever spent with Duo.

His roommate's passion for art was overwhelming, but it also brought out the best in Duo. He showed Trowa all of his favorite paintings and explained the history of the art, the artist and even the paint and composition of the pieces. He spoke about the works as though they were old friends, and Trowa could understand why Duo wanted to go to school for art history and for art conservation and preservation - he truly lived and breathed this stuff.

After eating lunch in the cafe at the museum, Duo led them upstairs to the showcase gallery.

They walked into a huge room of black and white photographs. Trowa recognized many as famous actors, politicians and singers, but as he and Duo walked the length of the room, Trowa found himself drawn to the people he didn't know - to the expressions on their faces and the way each photograph seemed to reveal the secrets of its subject.

Duo jerked his thumb towards a photograph of Liam Neeson, shirtless and wearing only a pair of jeans riding low on his hips.

"Look, it's Qui-Gon. Your favorite character from Phantom Menace."

Trowa rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, second favorite - I keep forgetting you're obsessed with Ewan McGregor."

"I am _not_ obsessed," Trowa muttered, but Duo was already off, moving in another direction.

Trowa allowed himself to admire the photograph of Liam Neeson for a moment before moving on - he didn't want Duo to catch him staring or he would never hear the end of it.

"And that... that's my mom."

Duo had come to a stop in front of a photograph of a strikingly beautiful woman. Her wide, pale eyes stared out at them with an intensity that made it hard for Trowa to look away.

He could see the resemblance to Duo - not just her eyes, but her wide lips and even the tilt of her smile.

"She's beautiful," Trowa said.

"She was," Duo agreed.

They had never really spoken about their families and Trowa had always assumed that Duo's parents were still alive. He realized now that that had been stupid of him.

Duo continued to stare at the photograph and Trowa couldn't decide if he should leave or stay.

"We used to have a copy of this, but after she died... I don't know what ever happened to it."

Duo shrugged and turned away, walking towards the opposite end of the gallery and not looking back.

Trowa, on the other hand, couldn't resist looking back once more at the photograph before they left.

That night they saw _Metamorphoses_ and aside from leaving the theatre with wet hair, Trowa had to concede that it was one of the most incredible experiences of his life.

He caught Duo sniffing back tears as they left the theatre and couldn't resist the urge to rib him about it.

"You? Crying? Could it be that you actually _do_ believe in love?"

Duo snorted derisively.

"Please. Love? Nah - I _do_ believe in the power of some seriously powerful writing, though. Jeez, that thing felt like it came right from the soul, didn't it?"

Trowa had to nod in agreement. There had been more than one time during the play that _he_ had teared up, but if Duo hadn't noticed then he wasn't about to tell him.

"Hey, I know this great custard place a few blocks from here - want to grab some before we head back to the hotel?"

"Sure."

They walked through the crowd leaving the theatre and the Saturday evening traffic and Trowa couldn't help but admit something.

"I've had a really good time. I really appreciate you asking me to come with you."

Duo smiled.

"Yeah, me too. I appreciate you not blowing me off because you were half-way convinced Gemma would pop out from under your bed and murder you in your sleep."

"Well now that you've confirmed it I'm completely convinced," Trowa muttered and Duo chuckled.

"She's really not that bad - she just likes to look out for me. Kind of like your sister is about you, I imagine."

"My sister doesn't have years of experience like your grandmother," Trowa pointed out.

"Give her time - just think what she'll do to Ralph the first time you bring him home for the holidays. She'll probably sit him down in the kitchen and chop up a bunch of stuff and glare at him the whole time..." Duo trailed off, a serene expression on his face. "Man, I'd love to be there for that."

Trowa rolled his eyes, but he had to smile at the mental image. Having been on Catharine's bad side more than once, he could only imagine the grilling she would give Ralph.

_If_ he ever brought Ralph home.

-o-

Trowa came home from classes one afternoon a week after the end of fall break and found Duo sitting on the couch, staring at the XBOX home screen, a scowl on his face and a controller held loosely in his hands.

He had to do a double take - he had never seen Duo look this upset, and he was convinced that it was some trick of the lighting.

"Duo?" he asked cautiously.

His roommate looked over at him.

"Trowa?" he replied in the same tone.

"Are you...okay?"

Duo sighed.

"I'm fine. Ich fühle mich verdammt erstaunlich."

Trowa frowned.

"I don't speak German - neither do you."

"Apparently I might as well start. I got a B on my French midterm."

"_You_ got a B on a _French_ test? Did you sleep through part of it?"

"_No_. You know I'm taking Business French this semester, right?"

"I know. I remember you trying to convince me I would need that more than French literature - and you're still wrong, I'm not wasting my time."

Duo sighed.

"Well maybe _I _should have taken it with you. Professor Breindel is ancient - have you ever met her?"

Trowa shook his head in the negative.

"She survived the Holocaust - she was only three or four when the war ended, but her family was sent to one of the concentration camps and she _remembers_ - as in hears in her dreams - the voices of the Nazi officers."

Trowa had no idea what this had to do with Duo's grade in the class.

"She especially remembers the voice of the officer who beat her mother to death. Because this officer spoke perfect French - practically fluent - but he had a German accent."

"I'm sorry she had to go through that, but what does it have to do with you?"

Duo regarded him with shadowed eyes.

"Do you know _why_ everyone always falls all over themselves to have me help them study for their French classes?"

"Because _you_ are practically fluent."

Duo smiled crookedly.

"I'm not practically fluent. I _am_ fluent. I've been speaking French as long as I've spoken English - first learning from just my mom, and then at school. The best school, with the best teachers. Except, apparently, my French teacher - who was from Alsace-Lorraine and was bilingual. He spoke German and French. And now, it turns out, _I_ speak perfect French with just enough of a German accent to sound like a freaking Nazi."

"You don't -"

"I do. She handed back our midterms today and on the conversational portion her notes said that I sounded like a _Nazi_ and that if I ever wanted a native French speaker to trust me I needed to get rid of my accent immediately. But I can't even tell it's there! I've listened to myself and I've listened to native speakers and it's not - I'm not good enough to fix it."

The expression on Duo's face made it clear that he thought he was a complete failure and Trowa struggled to keep a straight face.

"Wow. Is this the first time you've ever admitted defeat?"

Duo glared at him.

"No, I'm serious. I don't think I've ever heard you say you weren't amazing at something."

"Fine. I _suck._ I dropped the class."

"Duo - it was _one_ B. You could have pulled it up."

"No, you didn't see her face when she handed me the midterm. I would have been lucky to get an A-."

"One A- isn't -"

"An A- in _French_, when I'm applying to the Sorbonne for graduate school makes me look like an idiot. Every class is conducted in French - preference is given to French students - and my chances of getting into the program are already impossible. Throw in _that_ grade and there's no way in hell."

"I didn't realize you wanted to go to graduate school in Paris."

"It's one of the best programs in the world. I can get my Master of Science and Technology in preservation and conservation _and_ work on my doctorate in art history at the same time. Not to mention the Louvre is _right there_..." Duo scrubbed his face with his hands. "But if I sound like a _Nazi_ I'll never get in."

"Duo, you do _not_ sound like a Nazi. And you don't look like one either. This is one professor. You're going to be fine. You didn't even need that class anyway - you're taking fifteen hours without it."

Duo sighed.

"It's not that simple. I -"

"Duo. It is that simple. You are going to get into the Sorbonne. You're going to get your MST and your PhD and you're going to be the best conservator the Louvre has ever seen. Simple as that."

Duo looked over at him and shook his head.

"Since when do _you_ give _me_ pep talks?"

"Since you forgot how awesome you were. Now move over. I'm in the mood to play Halo - you can join me and together -"

"We can rule the galaxy," Duo muttered, but he was smiling, and Trowa congratulated himself.

They were still on the couch, racing through the most difficult setting of the co-op campaign when Ralph came by that night, arms loaded with Chinese food.

He took one look at the two of them on the couch, engrossed in the video game, and sighed.

"I don't get it. You are two of the smartest people I know - I just don't understand your obsession with this game."

"That's because you have no soul," Duo offered after swerving their Warthog so that it ran over a Grunt.

Ralph rolled his eyes and started to unpack the Chinese food on the dining room table.

It took another ten minutes for them to finish the level, and by that time Ralph had started to eat and the smell of the Chinese food distracted Trowa so much that he died twice, forcing them to restart the level.

But it was worth it. Duo let out a triumphant laugh and saved the game.

"Damn - that was our best time yet!"

Ralph looked over at them, chopsticks poised over a box of steamed rice.

"Wait - you're replaying the game just to see how fast you can make it through the levels?"

Duo nodded.

"Yeah. We've already beaten it on every difficulty level... this keeps it interesting."

"You could just play a new game," Ralph suggested as he handed Trowa the box of lo mein.

"What new game? There is no game but Halo," Duo assured him.

He turned to Trowa and scratched the back of his neck.

"Thanks, Tro. I, ah, I really appreciate you know... you."

Trowa saw Duo's cheeks actually start to turn red.

"Yeah, well, I appreciate you know... you, too," he said and Duo smiled.

"Right. Okay, I need to get over to the studio. You two kids have fun."

"What was that all about?" Ralph asked once they were alone.

Trowa shrugged.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? Duo actually blushed just now - I didn't think he was capable of blushing. Tell me what happened."

Trowa felt a spurt of irritation. Something about Ralph's tone irked him and he felt the need to protect Duo.

"Nothing - he just didn't think he could complete the level by himself."

Ralph frowned.

"Did you just lie to me?"

Trowa sighed.

"It's personal and - it's nothing. It doesn't matter. He needed help and I helped him."

"Huh."

Trowa set down his food.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"You can't just say 'huh' like that and it be nothing. So what?"

Ralph also set down his food and the expression on his face was troubled.

"Things have just seemed different, ever since you went to New York with Duo."

"No they haven't."

"Yes, they have. You used to - I don't know, you used to always be annoyed with him and _now_ you defend him and lie for him."

"I don't -"

"You do. I know he's your roommate and your friend but... something's changed. Something happened on that trip."

"Are you implying that I cheated on you? With _Duo_?"

Ralph was silent and Trowa felt his jaw drop open.

"You seriously think that I would do that to you?"

"No," Ralph admitted. "But I don't know where I stand with you anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that I told you I loved you and you... you're just pretending it didn't happen."

Trowa felt like laughing. Duo had been right. _Again._

"This isn't funny," Ralph said, a note of hurt in his voice.

"No, I know." Trowa got up and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water, buying himself some time.

When he came back out he sat down across the table from Ralph and looked at him.

"I haven't been pretending it didn't happen. I just haven't known what to do about it."

Ralph arched an eyebrow.

"The way I see it, you either say it back or you tell me that you want to see other people," Ralph said.

Trowa sighed.

"But I don't want to see other people and I don't - I've only ever been with one other person, besides you. I've only ever told one person I loved him and I really, _really_ thought he was the only person I would ever say that to. But then..." Trowa drew in a breath. "Then his father caught us together and told him that he would disown him unless he stopped being gay. So he... stopped being gay. He told me to forget about him and he walked away from me."

Trowa didn't add the details - that he had been in a hospital bed, physically unable to go after Quatre, or that Zaid Winner had tried to bribe Trowa and Catharine into leaving the country.

"So I'm scared - because I really, really loved him and when things ended... it took me a long time to even _think_ about wanting to be with someone else. I think I love you - it's different than what I had with Quatre, but just thinking about you makes me smile and the thought of breaking up with you makes me start to panic."

Ralph set down his food and got up from the table. He cradled Trowa's face in his hands and kissed him.

"Anyone who would walk away from you - who would walk away from themselves - that's not someone who deserves you."

"His family -"

"I'm not saying it would have been easy for him to do the right thing, but _I _did it. Hell, even Duo's grandmother knows he's gay and do you think _that_ went over well with her?"

Trowa had to smirk at that.

"I get it. I get that you're scared - I am too. I fooled around with guys in high school and I sort of dated someone freshman year before I met you but I never... I never really pictured myself with any of those guys. Not like I see myself with you. Maybe this is too gay or whatever - but I love you and I want you to meet my family and I want you to understand just how amazing you are and how lucky I am to be with you."

Trowa swallowed hard.

"You aren't the only lucky one."

Ralph smirked.

"But I'm the luckiest."

"I don't think this is a competition."

"So..."

Trowa arched an eyebrow at the change of tone in Ralph's voice.

"So..."

"Any chance you want to come to my sister's wedding in three weeks?"

Trowa blinked.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. I want them to meet you - they _know_ I'm gay and they've accepted it. They actually _want_ to meet my boyfriend."

Trowa hesitated.

"Plus you'll get to see me in a tux. And trust me - that's a sight you want to see. I look _good_ in a tux."

"Do I have to wear one?"

-o-

Trowa used some of his savings to rent a tuxedo for the upcoming wedding, and during his fitting the tailor remarked on how handsome he would look on the dance floor.

Which made Trowa realize he would look like a _moron_ on the dance floor. He had no idea how to dance - at least not the kind of dancing he expected at an upscale Park Slope wedding.

It took him almost two hours, and earned him funny looks from the librarians, but Trowa tracked down a few books in the university library about dancing. One of them, a step by step illustrated guide, he decided was his best bet to becoming a competent dancer in time for the wedding.

He borrowed a CD of classical music from Mags and waited until one afternoon when he knew Duo would be in the art studio and tried to learn.

He propped the book open on the page illustrating the steps for the waltz and turned on the stereo system.

Trowa tried to walk through the steps, his arms out as if embracing an invisible partner.

"Whatcha doing?"

Trowa turned at the sound of Duo's voice and instantly dropped his arms back down to his sides.

Duo was grinning at him, clearly amused at having caught Trowa acting like an idiot.

"Nothing," Trowa growled and reached for the open book on the coffee table.

Duo beat him to it, however, and looked at the pages.

"Teaching yourself how to dance... are you going to a wedding or something?"

"Yes," Trowa admitted.

Duo set the book down and crossed his arms.

"Who's the lucky girl and why wasn't I invited?"

"Ralph's sister - who you've never met, which is why you weren't invited."

Duo's eyebrows rose.

"He's taking you as his date?"

"No, I'm the groom. I met Hannah this summer and fell madly in love with her."

Duo rolled his eyes.

"You keep being sarcastic and I'm not going to teach you how to waltz."

"_You_ know how to waltz?"

"_I_ know many things - how to waltz is just one of them."

There was an expression on Duo's face that Trowa didn't trust.

"What's the catch?"

"I'll help you," Duo said and set down his backpack. "_But_ you've got to admit that you saw Attack of the Clones."

"No, I don't. I _didn't_. I would never do that to myself."

"Uh huh," Duo agreed dubiously, clearly not believing him.

"Besides, _you_ are the Star Wars nerd - not me."

"Yet_ you_ are the one went to the Halloween party dressed up like Han Solo."

"Because Ralph looks more like Luke Skywalker."

"Right..."

Trowa rolled his eyes.

"If you're just going to give me crap about Star Wars I can -"

"Oh, chill out. And come here." Duo held out his arms and Trowa, feeling like an idiot, reluctantly stepped closer.

"Do you know if Ralph likes to lead?"

"I doubt we'll be dancing together - this is just so I don't embarrass myself if I dance with someone _else,"_ Trowa pointed out.

"You never know, you might get lucky. In any case, I'll teach you how to lead." Duo put his left hand on Trowa's shoulder and held out his right hand. "Come on - put your right hand on the middle of my back and hold my right with your left."

Trowa followed his directions and drew in a deep breath.

To his surprise, the smirk was gone from Duo's face. He appeared to be taking this seriously, and Trowa appreciated it.

Duo nodded along to the music for a few seconds.

"Okay, good. Here we go - one step to your right, other foot, now back and left and other foot and forward and - other foot. There you go. It's simple. Just a box."

"There isn't more to it?" Trowa looked at the book again.

"Yeah, if you want to get really fancy - but this is your basic waltz step. It's a box step. Really simple. Let's master this and then you can try something else if you want."

"Okay," Trowa agreed.

Duo gave their joined hands a squeeze.

"You've got this. Let's go again."

Trowa nodded and looked down at his feet.

"Nope - eyes up here," Duo commanded.

Trowa sighed and lifted his gaze to Duo's eyes.

"Just listen to the music and count with me - one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four."

Trowa fixed his gaze on Duo's mouth, listening to him count off the steps.

Duo suddenly faltered in his counting.

"Um, just look at my eyes - or over my head or something," Duo said, a strange note to his voice. "It's just... weird having you look at my mouth."

"Sorry," Trowa apologized and averted his gaze to the top of Duo's head.

He was amazed at how comfortable he felt dancing with Duo, and even more amazed when, less than half an hour later, he was spinning Duo around their living room with ease. He felt daring and finished by dipping Duo backwards.

"I think I can do this," he concluded, still balancing Duo's weight.

"Yeah, you're a pro," Duo said and forced them back upright. He freed himself from Trowa's grasp and ran his hands over his clothes. "You're going to knock them dead."

"Thanks for the help."

"No problem. Any time. I, ah, I need to get back to the studio."

Duo started to leave the apartment, but then turned around.

"Yeah?" Trowa felt giddy with relief - he could picture himself dancing in the rented tuxedo and _not_ making a fool of himself.

"Nothing," Duo said and shook his head. "Nothing. I just hope you have a great time. Ralph's a lucky guy."

-o-

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: No, this is not an update for any of my WIPs. This is, in fact, a new story. I apologize for not updating my current projects. To be honest, every time I start to update any of them I find myself just staring at the screen: I feel so disconnected from the characters and stories. I'm not abandoning them, but I'm taking some very solid advice to write what I am inspired to write at the moment. I will return to those fics, sooner rather than later, but I just need to get back into the flow of writing again.

A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).

Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...

Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.

_This Time_

Part 1: Chapter 4

_Spring 2003_

Valentine's Day ambushed Trowa.

He had completely forgotten what day it was until his morning class, History of the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade. One of the girls in the class walked in and placed a large, red heart full of chocolates on Professor Sweet's desk. It set off a wave of laughter and speculative gossip and Sweet passed the box around, insisting that everyone have a chocolate while he lectured them on the historical nature of the holiday.

Trowa had never dated anyone before Ralph, and he had never even thought about what he should do on Valentine's Day.

As soon as class ended he called him.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said, wincing at how rushed he sounded.

"Happy Valentine's Day to you too," Ralph sounded amused.

Trowa tried to rack his brain for what to do. Ralph was the type who actually _liked_ romantic gestures - and Trowa had completely forgotten about the most romantic day of the year.

"So I was thinking, you should come by later."

"Really? Me too." Ralph clearly knew that Trowa had forgotten what day it was.

"Candlelight dinner - I was going to roast some ribeyes," Trowa improvised, assembling a grocery list in his head, "get some wine," the grocery store clerks almost never carded, "lock Duo out for the night..."

"Sounds perfect," Ralph said and Trowa let out a sigh of relief.

"I'll see you at seven thirty?"

"See you then. Love you."

"I love you too," Trowa hung up the phone and had to smile.

Maybe he had had a rocky start, but he felt confident that he could turn this into an amazingly romantic event after all.

As soon as his classes were done for the day he went to the grocery store, grabbing rib eye steaks, asparagus, gold potatoes, a decently priced bottle of Zinfandel, candles, and on impulse, a bouquet of roses.

He made a marinade from the wine and the stock of fresh garlic, rosemary and thyme that he kept in the fridge on Catharine's orders. He put the steaks in the marinade and showered.

It was six-thirty when he finished shaving and someone knocked on the door to the apartment.

Trowa adjusted the towel around his waist and opened the door.

"You're early but - you're not Ralph."

A stranger stood on the other side of the door.

"Ah, no. I'm Greg."

Greg was about Trowa's height, with dark, wavy hair, dark eyes, a handsome face and really white teeth shown off to perfection by his smile.

"Greg..."

"Greg Stevens. I'm here for my date. With Duo."

Trowa blinked.

"Duo Maxwell?"

"Is there another?" Greg's smiled widened. "I think I'm a few minutes early - he said he'd be here by seven."

"Yeah, you're about half an hour early."

"Sorry, I thought the walk over would take longer."

"I'm sorry, you said you're going on a _date_ with Duo? On Valentine's Day?"

"Yeah - who are you?"

"I'm Trowa. His roommate."

"Right! Yeah, he says you're pretty awesome."

Trowa nodded.

"Uh, would it be possible for me to wait for him?"

Trowa stepped away from the door and allowed Greg inside.

The dark haired man briefly looked around the living room and then sat down on the couch.

"How long have you been _dating_ Duo?" Trowa had to ask.

"Oh we're not - we're not really dating. We met last summer and we've seen each other kind of off and on since then. I'm a chemistry major."

Trowa had no idea why that last part was important. He also didn't understand _how_ Greg's teeth could be that white. They were almost blinding.

"I mean, I think he's finally ready for us to make this a thing, though."

"Really? You think _Duo_ is ready to be in a relationship?"

"Yeah - I mean, he said he wanted to go out tonight and it's Valentine's Day... that's kind of a big deal."

Trowa shook his head.

"Maybe he forgot what day it is."

"Nope. I called him last night and asked if he had any plans for Valentine's Day and he said no... so yeah, he knows what day it is."

"Huh."

"Do you need to get dressed or anything?" Greg gestured to Trowa's towel.

Trowa had about twelve more questions he wanted to ask Greg, but it was getting close to seven and he needed to start cooking.

He walked out of the room, not caring that Greg probably thought he was an asshole. Trowa was convinced that _Greg _was an asshole.

By the time he had dressed and started boiling the potatoes he was fuming.

When Duo walked in the door at seven Trowa dragged him away from greeting Greg and marched him into the kitchen.

"Who is that?" he demanded.

"That's Greg," Duo said, looking confused.

"Your boyfriend?"

Duo snorted.

"No. You know me - I don't do boyfriends."

"Really? Then why does he seem to think this is the first step in you starting a real relationship with him?"

Duo sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"No."

"_Yes_."

Duo groaned.

"But things were going so well..."

"You've really been hooking up with him all this time and you never said anything?"

"Do you tell me every time you have sex with Ralph?" Duo snapped and then looked sheepish. "Sorry - I didn't mean that. I'm just... ugh, this was not what I wanted."

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"Not everyone is content with one night stands," he had to point out. "You shouldn't lead him on if you're not interested in more."

"_Thanks," _Duo said and left the kitchen.

Trowa listened to Duo tell Greg he had to change, and then a few minutes later the two of them left the apartment.

Ralph showed up soon after, carrying a bouquet of roses and a stuffed teddy bear.

The evening that should have gone perfectly instead went merely okay - Trowa over cooked the steaks just enough so that _he_ could taste the difference but Ralph still insisted they were delicious. The wine was too bitter and they switched to the beer Duo kept stocked in the back of the fridge. The post-dinner sex was great, at least, but Trowa was unable to fall asleep afterwards.

He left Ralph in the bed and went into the living room to play Halo.

It was almost two in the morning when Duo opened the door and threw his keys across the room.

The impact of the keys with the floor startled Trowa and Duo noticed him.

"Shit. Sorry. I didn't think you would be up."

Even in the dim glow from the television screen Trowa could tell that Duo had had a rough night.

"Not the best date ever?" he hazarded.

Duo kicked the door shut and walked into the kitchen. He returned a moment later with a shot glass and a bottle of tequila.

"God bless Hilde's tits and her fake I.D.," Duo muttered as he poured a shot. He saluted the air and then downed the shot with a grimace.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," Duo took another shot.

"Greg turned out to be a tool."

Duo snorted.

"Greg is an amazing guy. The perfect guy."

"No he's not," even though Trowa had spent all of ten minutes with him, he was convinced that Greg was anything but perfect.

"He's a genius," Duo said.

"He's a chemistry major - that's like the roadmap to becoming an evil scientist. You don't need that in your life."

"He thinks I'm a genius."

"You _are_," Trowa pointed out.

"He's funny."

"Not as funny as you are," Trowa was certain of this. Few people were as funny as Duo.

"He loves Star Wars."

"Lots of people love Star Wars - even I think it's okay."

Duo gave him a look.

"He thought I was great."

"Again - you _are_ great. What did you two even have in common?"

"Lots of things," Duo grumbled. He poured himself another shot.

"Look, if he was so great then why didn't you want to be in a relationship with him?"

"Because I'm in -" Duo stopped himself and drank the shot. "Because I'm a fucking moron," he finished.

"Duo."

"Trowa. Fucking hell. Trowa. I am _so_ fucked in the head."

"No, you aren't."

Duo looked over at him and shook his head.

"I am. I'm going to be alone forever and you know what - I -"

"Hey."

They looked up at the sound of Ralph's voice.

"Hey," Trowa said to his sleep-tousled boyfriend.

"It's two in the morning - why are you up?"

"Couldn't sleep," Trowa confessed. "And Duo just got home."

Ralph shook his head.

"I still can't believe you went on a date on Valentine's Day. I'm impressed."

Duo looked like he was about to say something, but then he just nodded and took another shot of tequila.

"Go easy on that stuff," Trowa counseled.

"Come back to bed," Ralph said, a thread of crankiness in his voice that made Trowa smile.

He passed Duo the xbox controller.

"Duo. If you don't want to end up alone then stop screwing around with people. There's someone out there for you."

"You're forgetting the fact that I don't believe in that soul mate crap," Duo muttered as Trowa went back to his room.

-o-

If Valentine's Day had been an ambush, midterms were a full-frontal assault.

Trowa always panicked about midterms and final exams, but this semester he was actually taking mostly history classes and the fear of failure motivated him to go without sleep the entire week of midterms so that he could edit his papers and cram for tests.

He doubted Duo was in better shape - he felt like he hadn't seen his roommate in weeks and he suspected that Duo had smuggled a sleeping bag into the art studio just so he could work longer. He knew that Duo was just as panicked as he was - this year Duo had to pass his juries in order to be accepted into the BFA Studio Art program - and, just as for Trowa, failure was not an option for Duo.

Somehow Trowa made it through the week and on Friday afternoon he collapsed on his apartment couch, too exhausted to make it to his room.

It felt like he had just closed his eyes when the apartment door banged open and Hilde entered, arms laden with grocery bags.

"Why are you here?" Trowa asked, his voice muffled by the couch cushion he was clutching.

"I'm here because midterms are over and I've got an hour and a half to get this place ready for the party."

"What party?" Trowa turned over so that he could see her better.

"The midterm party we talked about last week..."

Trowa gave her a blank look. He had no idea what she was talking about.

"Remember? I told you Duo said it was okay if _you_ said it was okay and you made me promise to let you make cheese dip and it would be okay?"

Trowa frowned and struggled to recall this conversation.

"No - you forced me to agree to make the cheese dip. I tried to say no but you told me Duo really wanted a party."

Hilde smiled broadly.

"See, now you remember."

"Cancel it. I'm too tired." He rolled back over and pulled the throw blanket down to cover himself.

Hilde jerked it off.

"No way. Everyone's already said they were coming. Get up. You need to shower and change and then make the cheese dip."

"I'm _tired_," Trowa said again, knowing he sounded like a three year old but not caring.

"Ohhh," Hilde made a sympathetic face. "Don't worry. You'll get plenty of rest tomorrow while you're sleeping off your hangover."

"What do you mean, everyone's coming? Is Ralph coming?"

"Trowa. Sweetie. Ralph went home yesterday - after his last midterm. Do you really not remember?"

Trowa closed his eyes, feeling like an idiot. Now that she mentioned it, Trowa _did_ remember Ralph tracking him down at the library yesterday and kissing him goodbye.

"Jesus. Duo was right - you really do turn into a zombie during exams."

"I haven't slept in a week," Trowa argued.

"Well, drink a Red Bull and suck it up. You can sleep when you're in a nursing home. Now get _up_."

Trowa got up from the couch and glared down at her.

"Shower. Change. Cheese dip."

"Red Bull," he said.

Hilde dug around in a grocery bag and handed him a can.

"Go."

He reluctantly followed her instructions, downing the disgusting energy drink as quickly as possible.

Through sheer willpower Trowa managed to stay awake long enough to shower and change into clean clothes. He downed another Red Bull before he started to make the cheese dip and when Hilde approached him with a vacuum cleaner he felt strong enough to tell her no.

"This is my apartment," he pointed out.

"Exactly. Which is why _you _need to vacuum before you have guests over."

Trowa opened his mouth to argue.

"I need to go get the pizza and grab some more liquor. Don't fall asleep while I'm gone."

When Hilde did return, Trowa had vacuumed the carpet, scrubbed the bathroom and even dusted the bookshelf crammed with his and Duo's eclectic collection of novels. As soon as Hilde walked in and smiled Trowa demanded a drink.

"Absolutely," she agreed. "You've definitely earned it."

He was on his third drink of whatever cocktail she made - it tasted like poison - by the time people started to arrive.

By nine, Kurt, Mags, Alice, and Alex - Hilde's new boyfriend - were all well into their cups and had devoured most of the pizza.

By ten, Trowa realized that Duo wasn't there and started to worry.

At ten-thirty he decided to call Duo.

"Hello?" Duo sounded exhausted.

"It's me - Trowa."

"Yeah, I know. I've got your number programmed into my phone."

Trowa snorted a laugh.

"Of course you do!"

Duo sighed.

"You're drunk, aren't you?"

"I might be asleep," Trowa said, suddenly wishing he was.

"Besides -" Trowa continued before Duo could speak. "This is your party. You should be here."

"It's not my party - it's Hilde's party. She just conned me into saying she could use the apartment."

"Well, I'm here."

"And you sound like you're having a great time."

"I am," Trowa decided. "But not you."

"What? I'm not allowed to have a good time?"

"Not unless you're home. Why aren't you home?"

Duo sighed again.

"I'm working at the studio. I -"

"Nope. You're coming home. Right now. I'll save you two pieces of pizza."

"I don't want any, I'm not hungry."

"Good," Trowa said after looking over the pizza boxes. "It's all gone. But there's still liquor."

"You sure you haven't finished that off too?"

"I don't think so," Trowa answered honestly. "Besides, I'm switching to beer."

"No - don't do that."

"Yes. Hilde's drinks taste awful."

"Not as awful as you're going to feel if you switch to beer."

"Can't be. It must be better."

"Trowa -"

"Duo. Come home."

"Yeah, sure, I'll try to finish up here soon. Just, do me a favor."

Trowa hesitated.

"Maybe."

Duo laughed.

"Okay, at least you're still kind of functioning. If you were completely smashed you wouldn't have hesitated. Promise me that as soon as we're done talking you will take your phone and go hide it in your room."

"Why? I might not find it."

"Exactly."

"What if there's an emergency?"

"Then use someone else's phone. It not even eleven and you're drunk dialing me - I don't want you to do anything stupid in a few hours and start calling people you shouldn't."

"Like Quatre." Trowa sighed at the thought. He wondered what Quatre was doing.

"Trowa - don't go there. Hang up the phone and go hide it."

"No." Trowa imagined that Quatre was likely on a date. With a girl.

"_Fine._ I'm coming home. Do not call him."

Duo hung up and Trowa stared at the phone. He suddenly, desperately wanted to call Quatre.

"What's up?" Alex had abandoned the others, gathered around the xbox trying to kill each other on Halo, and come to find him.

"Nothing. I'm out of drink," Trowa said and held up his empty cup mournfully.

Alex laughed.

"Then we'd better get you another before Hilde sees. She swore to kill anyone with an empty cup."

"How did you two meet, anyway?" Trowa asked as they walked to the kitchen.

"Duo set us up - he's in my Calculus class."

"_You're_ the Math major Duo set Hilde up with!"

Alex grinned.

"Yeah... that's me..."

Trowa had no idea how long he and Alex talked - it felt like hours - but then suddenly Duo was there.

"You're home," Trowa told him.

"Yep," Duo agreed. He was scowling and Trowa had to scowl back at him.

"And you're frowning."

"And _you're_ a silly drunk," Duo concluded.

"You're not even drunk," Trowa pointed out.

"That's also true."

Hilde threw her arms around Duo.

"You made it! I thought you said you were too busy?"

"Change of plans," Duo said and rubbed his forehead. "Any chance you left me something to drink?"

"Just beer - which is perfect!" Hilde's eyes grew round. "We can play Kings!"

Trowa had never played Kings, and it wasn't long before he vowed he would never play again.

The rules changed constantly, and Trowa couldn't remember to take his little man off his glass before drinking and as a result soon accumulated enough penalties that Duo agreed to split them with him.

All he could make out was that a lot of drinking was involved, and the longer the game went on, the more Trowa felt like just sinking into the bean bag chair Hilde had dragged out of the closet and going to sleep.

Trowa couldn't even tell who was winning the game - but when Duo sat back and cracked his knuckles, a maniacal grin on his face, he assumed that it had finally ended.

"Okay, suckers. Each of you owes me one secret. Starting with... Alice!"

Everyone focused on the red headed French major. She bit her lip as she considered.

"I had a crush on Professor Ramar."

"Ew!" Hilde giggled. "You did not!"

Alice, blushing, nodded.

"Kurt," Duo said.

The history major sighed and then looked guiltily at Mags.

"When we first met I told you I'd read The Doomsday Book. I lied. I only made it through the first half."

Mags stared at him for a moment, wide eyed and silent.

"Oh my God, me too!" She said and started to laugh.

"You lied to me?" Kurt sounded outraged.

"You lied to me!" She snapped.

"Okay, okay," Duo jumped in, "but right now you owe me a secret, Mags."

She sighed.

"I'm planning on having sex with Kurt inside Versailles when we go to Europe this summer."

Trowa winced.

"I didn't need to know that - Ralph and I are going with you!"

"Not into the room where we're going to have sex," Mags pointed out. She looked over at Kurt. "Unless we want to be historically accurate and have an orgy?"

Kurt looked like he was considering the possibility and Trowa started to shake his head in the negative.

"Alright - Hilde, secret time."

She arched an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

"If I'm going to tell a secret I think _you_ should too," she told Duo.

"No, I won the hand - which means I don't have to."

"I won the last hand - and I only made people empty their cups."

"Well, _if_ you win again _you_ can make me tell a secret," Duo bit out.

"But -"

"I hate Greg Stevens," Trowa interrupted their argument.

Duo turned to stare at him.

"Who the hell is Greg Stevens?" Kurt asked.

"Duo's boyfriend," Trowa told him.

Hilde started to giggle and had to cover her mouth with both hands to control herself.

"Duo has a boyfriend?" Mags turned to him.

"You can't have a boyfriend. You're Mr. One Night Stand Man." Alice insisted.

"That's really catchy," Kurt told her.

"Thanks - it's even got a song. You know that Mr. Sandman, Send Me A Dream song? Same tune - Mr. One Night Stand Man, come home with me. Mr. One Night Stand Man, come sleep with me. Mr. -"

"That doesn't really fit," Mags interrupted.

"Well, it doesn't matter _now_," Alice said bitterly, "he's got a boyfriend."

"I do not have a boyfriend," Duo said in a strained voice.

"Then who the hell is Greg Stevens?" Kurt asked again.

"A jerk," Trowa told him.

"He is not a - why the fuck am I doing this to myself?" Duo buried his head in his hands and shook his head.

"You hate him too - don't you?" Trowa asked Hilde. "It's the teeth, am I right?"

Hilde actually fell on the floor, she was laughing so hard.

Duo looked ready to explode.

"I'm afraid of rabbits," Alex suddenly shouted.

Everyone turned to look at him.

"It was my turn to tell a secret," he tried to explain.

Hilde crawled back upright and wiped at her eyes.

"Okay, and it's my turn to deal," she said.

"It's not over yet?" Trowa asked in disbelief.

Hilde shook her head, as did Kurt and Mags.

"Kings doesn't end until someone passes out or vomits," Alice said.

"Why?" Trowa asked in horror. "Those are terrible ways to end a game."

"Only if you're the one who passes out or vomits."

"Or moves out," Duo muttered darkly, but he accepted his cards from Hilde.

"You need to drink more," Hilde told him with a bright smile.

Duo glared at her but did as instructed.

Soon enough, Trowa was once again deep in penalties and completely lost.

He lifted his cup to take a sip and Hilde pounced.

"Ah - ha!" She shouted and Trowa panicked, dropped his beer, but then managed to catch it before it could spill on the carpet.

"What?" He demanded, heart racing.

"You let your little man drown - again!"

"I'm sorry." He gave Duo, who had once again agreed to split his penalties, an apologetic look.

Duo just shrugged and leaned back in his chair.

"Fine. What is it this time? Want a secret? Want me to run around the apartment naked? What?"

"Nothing so drastic as that - just a kiss."

Duo arched an eyebrow.

"In front of your boyfriend?"

"Not _me_. Trowa. You two are sharing the penalties - you can share the kiss."

"No way in hell," Duo said, his voice furious.

"Duo, it's just a kiss."

"No one else has had to do anything physical," Duo argued.

"Except me - I had to walk across the room on my hands," Kurt pointed out.

Duo sighed in defeat.

"Come on, it's the rule – and besides, both of you are gay. This isn't even that big of a deal!" Hilde insisted with a drunken, girlish giggle.

Duo rolled his eyes.

"Hil, you are _such_ a pervert. Seriously, you just want to watch two hot guys make out. Admit it."

Trowa looked over at Duo, mildly surprised to hear him say _two_ hot guys. He hadn't realized Duo thought he was hot. Then again, maybe he was just being polite. Then again, when was _Duo_ ever polite?

"I admit it. Now, kiss him. _With tongue._"

"Hilde," Duo protested. "He's my roommate - and he's dating someone."

"Then maybe this will teach both of you not to let your little man drown next time you play Kings," she responded with an arched eyebrow. "Besides, I'm not telling you to _ravish_ him. Just kiss him senseless."

Duo gave Trowa an apologetic look and shrugged.

Trowa debated between whether or not he should move closer to Duo, but before he could make up his mind, the braided man rose from his seat and joined Trowa on the beanbag, planting his knees on either side of Trowa's hips and leaning his body over Trowa's.

"Sorry about this," Duo said, softly enough that Trowa doubted anyone else heard, and then his lips covered Trowa's.

He tried to hold himself completely still, aware of the eyes on them and the entertainment value this held for everyone else, desperate not to humiliate himself. But then Duo's tongue traced the part between his upper and lower lips and Trowa found himself responding almost without conscious thought, angling his jaw and leaning forward as he opened his mouth and tasted Duo.

Trowa wasn't sure if it was the amount of alcohol he had had, but Duo's mouth seemed impossibly hot and his tongue electric as it swept over Trowa's and sent a shockwave through his entire body.

Duo started to pull away, and Trowa found himself leaning even farther forward, reluctant to break contact, until someone gave a delighted laugh.

It brought Trowa crashing back to reality and he sat back with a scowl.

"Oh my _God_," Alice muttered, "that was so _hot_. Please, please do it again."

Duo's eyes were hard to read, but they searched Trowa's face, looking for some sign of his reaction to the kiss. Trowa forced himself to give Duo a hard, neutral look in return.

Duo looked away and smiled at Alice.

"Of course it was hot. _I _was involved," he pointed out.

Alex shook his head.

"Dude, I'm not even gay and that was…" he trailed off uncomfortably.

Hilde laughed and perched on his lap. She gave him a quick, hard kiss.

"Oh, baby, it's okay. I like to fantasize about them together, too." She looked over and winked at Duo. "Maybe tonight, when we get home…" the rest of her thought was lost as she leaned over to whisper into Alex's ear.

Trowa didn't know if Hilde was joking or not, but the thought of her picturing he and Duo together was unnerving. And now _he_ was picturing him and Duo together, which went beyond unnerving and into the territory of disturbing.

Except, it wasn't disturbing in the way that Trowa had thought it would be. He had honestly never considered the possibility of kissing Duo. Yes, he had admired his body, he had even had a handful of dreams, over the last two years, that featured him sleeping Duo. But those had been dreams – he hadn't had much control over them. He had never thought about Duo while masturbating, never fantasized about him in any context other than occasionally punching him when he was at his most annoying.

But now…

Now, Trowa knew what it felt like to have Duo's warm body pressed against his own. He knew what it felt like to have Duo's tongue caress his own. He knew how soft Duo's lips were.

By the time the party broke up two hours later, Alex was practically carrying Hilde out while Alice, Kurt, and Mags were almost as bad off.

When Duo closed the door on the five of them, Trowa could still hear Kurt and Mags singing Henry VIII's "Green Groweth the Holly."

"Man, those kids can _drink_," Duo said as he turned back to Trowa and surveyed the damage to their living room.

There were enough empty bottles that Trowa couldn't even begin to count them. He nodded in agreement.

"How much have you had?" Duo was smiling at him, and it seemed completely natural for Trowa to smile back.

Duo laughed.

"You are so wasted."

"I'm okay," Trowa insisted, even though he was sure he had never, ever had anywhere near this much beer or liquor before. He honestly didn't even know how many he had had.

"Yeah, you just smiled at me, and I can count on one hand the number of times you've done _that_ before. You're drunk."

"You kissed me," Trowa felt the need to point out.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Duo scratched the back of his neck, that same self-conscious gesture Trowa saw occasionally whenever Duo felt particularly vulnerable about something.

Trowa shrugged.

"At least everyone else enjoyed it."

Duo's face froze and his smile disappeared. He nodded.

"Yeah. At least everyone else did."

-o-

Trowa woke up the next day to a pounding headache and the sound of his cell phone ringing.

It took him awhile to find it - somehow it had found it's way to underneath the teddy bear on his windowsill.

"Hello?"

"You sound like death warmed over."

It was Ralph and he sounded amused.

"I'm dying," Trowa told him.

Ralph laughed and Trowa had to hold the phone away from his head.

"So I'm guessing you had fun at Hilde's party last night."

"I don't know - all I know is that I'm dying now. And why are you calling me so early in the morning? It's Spring Break. Sleep in."

"Trowa, it's one in the afternoon."

He groaned.

"No it isn't."

"Yes, it is. And you're probably dehydrated. Get up, start some coffee, and have a few glasses of water. And some toast."

"No food," Trowa whined.

"Yes, food. And water. I promise you will feel better."

"How do you know?"

"Because I'm in a fraternity. We have keg parties every night."

"No you don't."

"Every other night," Ralph corrected himself.

"Fine. I'm getting up."

"Good. I just wanted to call you before I got on the plane."

"Have fun in Canada," Trowa said and had to laugh.

"You really think it's that funny that I'm spending Spring Break in Canada?"

"Yes. It's Spring Break - you're supposed to go somewhere with heat and sun and water. Not ice."

"Yeah, well, I promised my Mom I would visit her since we're going to be spending the summer in Europe."

Trowa remembered what Mags had said last night.

"In case I forget - we need to make sure we stay away from Mags and Kurt when we visit Versailles."

"Why?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know."

"Okay. Get up and get some liquids."

"Yes, master," Trowa said, but he hung up and crawled out of bed.

He debated putting on clothes, but the effort seemed to great and he walked out of his room in just his boxers.

The apartment was a mess, and Duo, already dressed, was muttering to himself and trying to clean it up.

"Morning sunshine," Duo said when he spotted Trowa.

Trowa waved and then felt like an idiot.

"I need liquids," he said.

Duo nodded.

"Coffee's fresh and I put some Advil on the counter for you. Take two and drink three glasses of water before you go near the coffee."

"Food?"

"No, you'll probably get sick. Wait a little while and then I'll make you some toast."

Trowa's stomach revolted at the mention of food again and he managed to nod and swallow down his bile.

He followed Duo's instructions, gulping down the water and Advil before going near the coffee. He decided to forego his usual addition of milk and had the coffee black.

Trowa walked back out into the living room, cradling the steaming cup and praying that he would either pass out or instantly recover.

"Hilde's a nightmare," Trowa muttered as he surveyed the wreckage again.

"Tell me about it," Duo muttered darkly.

Trowa frowned.

"You can just leave it - I'll clean it up later. If I don't die first."

"You're not going to _die,_" Duo said. "Just sit down and drink your coffee."

"You're really pissed about this." Trowa had rarely seen Duo angry - this went beyond his rants last year about football players and shower privacy - and right now Duo was practically seething as he shoved bottles and trash into a bag.

"I'm not - " Duo sighed and started to put the bottles into the bag with more care. "I'm not pissed at you," he said. "I just really wasn't in the mood for a party last night. Which Hilde _knew_."

"That's why she didn't make you come." Trowa sighed. "I did."

"No, you didn't make me do anything. I didn't want you to do anything stupid. It's not -"

"I'm sorry," Trowa said.

"It's fine," Duo said. "Besides, now how I know ridiculous you are when you're drunk off your ass - that was definitely something I'm glad I was here for. I could have done without all of the other shit, that's all."

As Duo talked Trowa couldn't help but focus on his mouth.

Which made him think about their kiss.

-o-

By the time Spring Break ended, Trowa was a wreck.

He had decided to stay and work in the library over the vacation, since Ralph was off in Canada, and Duo had driven down to Florida to spend time with Gemma.

The alone time should have given Trowa the chance to get his head on straight and _forget_ about how amazing kissing Duo had been.

Instead, it only made it worse.

It had only been a week, but it was more than enough time for Trowa to fantasize about kissing Duo, touching Duo and sleeping with Duo.

He started thinking about Duo when he masturbated in the shower in the mornings. He tried to catch himself - tried to think of Ralph instead - but he couldn't help but picture Duo and wonder what it would feel like to have _Duo_ touching him.

Trowa tried to convince himself that he just missed Ralph. Midterms always made Trowa crazy, and he hadn't really spent any time with his boyfriend for two weeks - now three. They had barely had time to kiss, let alone anything that required naked time. He was just horny.

When Ralph came by the apartment on Sunday before classes started, Trowa practically jumped him at the door.

He kissed Ralph with desperation and Ralph,though clearly taken aback, quickly responded with enthusiasm.

"I missed you too," Ralph said with a smile and started to maneuver them towards Trowa's room.

But Trowa had to stop him.

"I kissed Duo."

Ralph froze.

"When?"

"That stupid party - we were playing Kings, and I'm not really sure how or why but Hilde made Duo kiss me."

Ralph's shoulders relaxed.

"Trowa, it's Kings - and it's Hilde. It's not a big deal."

Trowa couldn't help but scowl.

"It's a huge deal. I cheated on you."

"It was a drinking game - but I appreciate the honesty. But it's not..." Ralph trailed off as he analyzed Trowa's face. "But it is a big deal," he concluded.

Trowa nodded.

"Because you finally realized that you want to be with him."

"What?" _That_ had never entered Trowa's mind.

"No," he said. "But I can't help the fact that kissing him - it felt like more than just a drinking game. It _felt_ like me cheating on you. And I can't stop thinking about it - and you - you should be with someone who can't stop thinking about _you_."

Ralph nodded.

"And there's no way I can compete with Duo." He sighed and then smiled sadly. "I don't know why I ever tricked myself into thinking you could ignore him forever."

"Ralph - it's not like that. I -"

"Trowa. It _is_ like that." Ralph kissed him again. "I'm just going to grab my stuff."

"Ralph -"

"Trowa."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

-o-

It took Trowa a while to accept what Ralph had said.

He _did_ want to be with Duo. Not just in a physical sense - although there was no denying that yes, he really wanted to be with Duo that way - but picturing them together... it somehow made perfect sense.

The only trouble with this realization was the fact that Duo was avoiding him. Either Duo had completely rearranged his schedule so that he was only at the apartment when Trowa was out, or he really had moved into the art studio.

By the middle of April, Trowa could count on one hand the number of times he had seen Duo for longer than five minutes in their apartment.

They hardly ever talked - Duo seemed to be in a rush to get in and out and barely managed to say hello, let alone anything more than that.

It reminded Trowa of their first semester, freshmen year, when _he_ had avoided Duo like the plague.

One night before final exams started, Trowa camped out in front of the art studio, determined to wait for Duo and finally talk to him.

He waited for hours and Duo never showed up.

But Hilde did.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him.

"Waiting for Duo."

"He's not here."

"Thanks. I noticed that one myself."

"Then why are you still here?"

"I'm waiting for him."

She sighed.

"He's not coming here tonight."

"He's back at the apartment?"

"No," Hilde sighed again and walked past him into the room.

Trowa followed her and sat down on the tabletop beside her. He watched her spread out a collection of fabric and paper scraps and pull out an x-acto knife.

"Why are you so desperate to see him?" Hilde eventually asked.

She was shredding the scraps with a cool precision that was mesmerizing.

"He's been avoiding me since Spring Break."

She snorted.

"Trowa, he's been avoiding you since Valentine's Day."

He started to argue, but suddenly realized she was right.

"He has," he agreed.

"So why do you need to see him? Is he not keeping the apartment clean or buying toilet paper or -"

"I miss him," Trowa interrupted her. "I haven't talked to him in _months_."

"Uh huh."

She continued to shred, not even bothering to look up at him.

"You know where he is and you're not going to tell me."

"Nope. Have you tried calling him?"

"Not tonight, but I've called him a few times."

"And?"

"He never answers."

"Do you leave messages?"

"No - what am I going to say?"

"Maybe that you miss him?" She suggested.

Trowa sighed.

"Because that doesn't sound pathetic," he muttered.

Hilde looked up at that.

"Really? _Really_? _You_ are worried about sounding pathetic to _Duo_?"

He frowned.

"What does that even mean?"

"Nothing - forget it. He's not here. He's stressed because we have juries coming up next week and he's in this dark place where he thinks he's going to fail and forget how to speak French and spend his life as a total loser."

"He's not -"

"I know. I'm working on it."

She went back to her work, and Trowa decided that Hilde wasn't going to help him. He got up to leave.

"By the way, how _was_ that kiss?"

He stopped and turned back, but she was completely focused on her work.

"Why?"

"I'm just curious. What did it feel like?"

"You _know_ what it feels like to kiss Duo," he pointed out.

"I know what it feels like when Duo kisses _me_," she argued. "I don't know if it's the same. Was it kind of playful - like he was teasing you?"

"No," Trowa said. "It was intense and incredible and -"

Hilde had stopped and was looking at him again.

"So it was good," she concluded.

"I broke up with Ralph," he said.

Hilde's jaw dropped.

"So it was _really_ good."

"Yes," he bit out. "It was really, really good. I can't stop thinking about it. Or him."

"But you're not going to leave him a message."

"What am I supposed to say? 'Hey, Duo, it's me. Remember that time we kissed - I broke up with Ralph because kissing him was never anywhere near as amazing. Call me back.'"

"Or you could try 'hey, Duo, it's me, the oblivious asshole you live with. I finally realized I'm an idiot - call me back because I love you too.'"

Trowa stared at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh come _on_." She stabbed the knife into the table top and crossed her arms. "Why do you think I made him kiss you in the first place?"

"Because you've got a filthy mind?"

"Because he's been in _love with you_ since day one and he was never going to make a move on his own! I've listened to him talk about you for _two years_ and you've ignored him, all this time!"

"He is not - holy shit."

Trowa thought back over the last two years.

He shook his head.

"No. Why would he set me up with Ralph?"

"Because you were hung up on what's his face - Quatre and -"

"He told you about that?"

"Trowa, he tells me about everything." She gave him a patronizing look. "You were miserable and he wanted you to be happy and since you clearly had zero interest in him, he set you up with Ralph."

"But he never tried to -"

"Never tried to break you up? No, he's not like that. He wants you to be happy because he's stupidly in love with you."

"I'm such an idiot," Trowa said and buried his face in his hands.

"No argument there," Hilde muttered darkly.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because I'm not a twelve year old, passing notes to my girlfriends at lunch break," Hilde snapped. "And I shouldn't be telling you anything now but I'm stressed as _hell_ about _my_ juries and I'm tired of seeing my best friend - who is an amazing person - alone and miserable because _you_ are an idiot."

"What happened with Greg Stevens? Duo came home on Valentine's Day a complete mess."

She sighed and shook her head.

"Nothing - just Duo sabotaging himself. For the record, I don't hate Greg - yes, his teeth are way too white - but he made Duo happy."

"Then what happened?"

"You happened, you stupid asshole. Greg wanted to date him - not just fool around - and Duo was actually, _finally_ thinking about moving on and then you laid into him about leading people on and he freaked out and told Greg that he wasn't in a good place and that Greg should just move on." Hilde glared at him. "Which is what I've tried to tell Duo _he _needs to do."

"I didn't know!" Trowa protested.

"Come on! How could you _not_ know? And then - then you actually told him to stop screwing around with people! You told him that - "

"Oh shit. That's what he was going to say. He was going to say he was in love with me."

"And now you're finally with the program."

Trowa pulled out his phone and started to call Duo.

"What are you doing?" Hilde asked.

"I'm calling him. I need to talk to him about this."

"Oh no. Hang up right now."

The look in Hilde's eyes suggested that she was contemplated physical violence, so Trowa did as instructed.

"Leave him alone."

"But you just -"

"No. I wanted you to call him when I thought you just missed your roommate and your friend - because that's what he is. He's your friend."

"He's my best friend," Trowa corrected.

"Mine too, and right now he really, really doesn't need to deal with fixing you again."

"Fixing me?"

"Trowa. Come on. If you call him and tell him that you broke up with Ralph and you can't stop thinking about your kiss, what is Duo going to do?"

Trowa sighed.

"He's going to try to fix things between me and Ralph. But -"

"But _nothing_. He's got juries. He's got shit on his mind and he does not need this."

"But if he's miserable because he thinks I don't care, then -"

"No," she interrupted him again. "You telling him you _finally_ know he exists is not going to fix things overnight. Trowa, he's been in love with you for two years. You've _just_ realized you want to be with him. Not to mention you just got out of a relationship with Ralph. If you really want to be with Duo then stay away from him."

"That makes absolutely no sense."

Hilde pulled the x-acto out of the table and approached him with it.

"He is my best friend and I've watched you hurt him for two years - and I _know_ you didn't mean to - but Duo isn't interested in some kind of roommate's with benefits deal. He doesn't want to be your rebound and he doesn't want to be the guy you hook up with when you're drunk. And he doesn't deserve any of that, either. If you want to be with him then give him space and take the time to think about this shit. Don't be some idiot guy who jumps into something and ruins a friendship because you're horny."

"This isn't because I'm -"

"I will kill you with this x-acto knife," Hilde promised. "Let him finish his work and take the summer to figure yourself out. _Then_ why don't you fix your friendship with him before you try to jump into bed with him."

The thought of being murdered with the tiny blade was equally horrifying and embarrassing.

"Fine," he agreed, not because of his fear of death at her hands, but because she was right.

"Good. Now leave me alone so _I_ don't fail _my_ juries."

Trowa backed away from her.

"And he's in one of the graduate studios, upstairs. He traded a few favors or something and he's been hiding out up there because he's pissed at me for making him kiss you in the first place."

Trowa nodded.

"Apparently I'm not the only one who needs to fix things," he had to say.

"Out."

-o-

TBC

P.S. This is likely the last of the daily updates. From here on out it will be a few days between updates. But you can still expect a steady flow. Don't worry - I'm not going anywhere!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: No, this is not an update for any of my WIPs. This is, in fact, a new story. I apologize for not updating my current projects. To be honest, every time I start to update any of them I find myself just staring at the screen: I feel so disconnected from the characters and stories. I'm not abandoning them, but I'm taking some very solid advice to write what I am inspired to write at the moment. I will return to those fics, sooner rather than later, but I just need to get back into the flow of writing again.

A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).

A/N #3: Not a yoga master. Just using the internet. Don't hate the story if I describe anything incorrectly. Please.

A/N #4: Special awesomeness to anyone who can pick out the quote from my favorite movie (it's just a _little_ paraphrased)... if you can find it I will totally write you a one-shot (pairing of your choice).

Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...

Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.

_This Time_

Part 1: Chapter 5

_Fall 2003_

It was ungodly hot in the apartment.

When Trowa walked in, struggling under the weight of his duffel bags and already sweating from the heat outside, he groaned out loud.

The air-conditioning was clearly malfunctioning - that or Duo had died at some point over the summer vacation and the air had been shut off when he stopped paying the bills.

Trowa's dark thoughts abruptly ended when he noticed Duo, alive and well.

And mostly naked. He was wearing only a pair of very short running shorts and he was standing in the living room, balanced on just his right foot with his leg leg and arms extended parallel to the floor.

His back glistened with sweat and Trowa found it suddenly impossible to breathe.

"What are you doing?" He finally managed to ask after having to close his eyes and think of Hilde stabbing him with an x-acto knife - he had discovered that this was an excellent tactic for derailing lustful thoughts about Duo.

Duo continued to hold the pose, not evening turning to look at Trowa.

"Yoga."

"Yoga? When did you learn how to do yoga?"

"This summer. I've been taking classes down at the hippy place - One with Self."

"Do you always do it naked?"

"I'm not naked - I've got shorts on. Besides, it's hot as balls in here."

"I noticed - did you forget to pay the electricity bill?"

Duo finally abandoned the pose and stretched as he turned towards Trowa.

With his arms raised over his head, Duo's lean stomach and the wiry muscles in his torso were shown off to perfection. Trowa forced himself to look at Duo's face.

But even _that_ had him thinking dirty thoughts.

"No, but it's Bikram yoga - you're supposed to do it in a studio that's got the heat cranked up - and since the news said it was going to be almost a hundred degrees today I figured what the hell - I'll turn the apartment into a sauna."

Duo grabbed a towel from the floor and started to mop the sweat from his face and chest.

"Why did you start taking yoga classes?"

Duo shrugged.

"Had to pass the time somehow. The art building is being renovated, so I couldn't get in the studio to work and my chemistry classes were early in the morning so... I had to do something with myself."

Something that made him even _more_ irresistible, Trowa thought darkly. He had never taken yoga, but he had seen people practice it on television and in movies. He knew it made people more flexible. And a more flexible Duo -

Hilde. X-acto.

"Besides," Duo continued, oblivious to Trowa's inner struggle, "it helps focus your mind and body." He shrugged. "I figure I can use some of that."

Trowa frowned.

"You're focused. You're double majoring _and_ minoring in chemistry - and you passed your juries so you're in the BFA program. I don't know anyone who is _more _focused than you."

"About my school work, sure, but that's not all I need to focus on." He shook his head. "I was a wreck by the end of last semester. I'm not going through that again."

Which made it sound like Duo was over Trowa.

"I'm sorry, about last semester," Trowa said. "I know we didn't really -"

Duo waved one hand.

"Don't worry about it. I had stuff going on, you had stuff going on - it's not a big deal."

Trowa nodded and, because he had no idea what to say and he felt panic rising inside him, he moved past Duo and went to his room to drop off his bags.

He had taken Hilde's advice - he had left Duo alone for the rest of spring semester and all summer, only sending him postcards from a few places in Europe that he remembered Duo mentioning in the past. He had taken the time to really think about Duo and the fact that he had, according to Hilde, been in love with Trowa since freshmen year. He had taken the time to consider what being in a relationship with Duo would be like.

And he had spent the entire summer missing him. It wasn't just about wanting to be with Duo - he missed him as a friend and Trowa knew he had more or less abandoned Duo after Valentine's Day.

Looking back, he felt like a complete asshole. He hadn't hated Greg Stevens, he had been jealous of him. He had been jealous of the possibility of Duo dating someone and he had been an idiot to not see it sooner.

Trowa might have only _realized_ he wanted to be with Duo after their kiss, but, at least subconsciously, he had been attracted to him much longer.

But now... now he was back and Duo had moved on.

Trowa threw his bags onto his bed and drew in a deep breath.

Maybe it was a good thing. Maybe Duo needed to move on.

Two seconds was enough for Trowa to discard that thought. He didn't _want_ Duo to move on.

He went back into the living room and saw Duo cranking the air conditioning up.

"It'll take awhile, but things should become liveable soon," Duo said.

"Do you have any plans for tonight?"

Duo shrugged.

"Not really. I was thinking about a cold shower, but other than that..." he trailed off. "Oh, do you want me to make myself scarce so you and Ralph can -"

"No," Trowa interrupted him. "No, I just wondered if you wanted to grab dinner."

Duo arched an eyebrow.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I haven't seen you in months. Plus, it's Saturday..."

Duo's eyes narrowed.

"I thought we said we'd never go back."

"We did. We also said that the _last_ last time we went."

Duo licked his lips slowly, as though considering the suggestion.

"Do you really think it's a good idea?"

"No, I think it's a terrible idea. A delicious, terrible idea that we're going to regret all day tomorrow."

"Hmmm. We can spend the day playing Halo while we recover..."

Trowa nodded.

Duo sighed.

"Alright. Just give me twenty minutes while I shower."

Trowa spent the time unpacking.

Even though it was still sweltering, it felt good to be back in the apartment.

As soon as exams had ended in May he had taken the train home to spend three weeks with Catharine before meeting Mags and Kurt in New York and flying to Paris. They had spent all of June and July backpacking across the continent, and Trowa had only returned two weeks ago. He had spent that time with Catharine, working at the restaurant and trying to restore the dent in his savings that trying to keep up with Kurt and Mag's drinking habit had made in his savings. Duo had been right - they could drink, and they seemed to have the dual goals of having sex in every illicit place they could think of and getting drunk in every bar they stumbled across.

Trowa had enjoyed himself, but he had found himself wishing time and again that Duo were there. Now that he was home, now that he had seen Duo again - it hit him even harder.

Duo had been part of his life for two years, and the thought of losing that was unfathomable.

"Ready to go?"

Duo, clean and dressed in _the_ shirt, was standing in his bedroom doorway.

Trowa shook his head at the sight.

"You've still got it."

"Hell yeah I do - I earned this thing."

They walked the half mile to Captain Steve's and Duo threw open the doors to the dive restaurant like he owned the place.

"Let's do this," he said to the waitress.

She looked at him like he was crazy, and he gestured to his shirt.

Her eyes widened.

"Oh! It's you!"

Duo turned to Trowa with a smirk.

"You see, I'm a legend."

"I think the word you're looking for is nightmare."

The waitress led them to a booth and Duo slid in with a contented sigh.

Trowa sat down across from him.

"Alright... what's your goal?"

Trowa hesitated.

"I'm out of practice," he said with a shrug. "I don't want to overdo it."

Duo scoffed.

"Overdo it? It's like riding a bike - once you start, you just keep going and going and going."

The waitress came back to take their orders.

"Water for me," Duo said.

"Me too."

"And for dinner? Or do you need a few minutes?" She asked.

Duo again pointed to his shirt.

"The same for me," Trowa said.

The waitress rolled her eyes and walked away.

Ten minutes later she came back carrying two steaming plates of crab legs.

"Here you go - two orders of all you can eat crab legs."

Duo cracked his knuckles.

"You ready to do this?"

Trowa nodded.

Duo held out the claw shaped crackers and Trowa reached up to tap them with his own.

"Then Begin!" Duo said in his best _Mortal Kombat_ impersonation.

Two hours later, Duo admitted defeat.

"I can't do it. How the hell did I ever eat twelve pounds?" He groaned and held his stomach in pain.

"I have no idea. Shouldn't your yoga be helping you - stretching out your stomach or whatever?"

"No," Duo moaned. "It's not helping me at all."

The waitress came back.

"Another round?" She asked in a sickly sweet voice.

Duo shook his head, his face twisted in agony.

"No thanks," Trowa managed.

"And here I was thinking _you_ were a legend," she said.

Duo glared.

"I was," he assured her. "Back in my youth - I ate twelve pounds in one hour. I _ate_ all I could eat," he quoted the shirt he was wearing.

They had discovered Captain Steve's during their spring semester freshmen year and had spent the last two years going there once every two months to attempt the 'All You Can Eat Crab Legs Challenge' - if you ate more than the previous record your meal was free and you got a shirt, covered in dancing crabs with the words "I Ate All I Could Eat" on it. Duo had won last January, the same Saturday they returned from winter break.

Trowa had never even come close - he had managed five pounds, once, but never come close to Duo's seemingly bottomless stomach.

"Well, in that case, here's your check."

She laid it down on the table and Duo snagged it before Trowa even came close.

"It's on me," he said.

"Thanks."

"Anytime. And by anytime, I mean never again."

The walk back home was sedate - they were both painfully full and it had cooled off just enough to be almost pleasant.

"So how was Europe?" Duo asked him.

They hadn't spoken much while eating - Duo took crab legs very seriously.

"It was great. Kurt and Mags didn't get us arrested or deported."

Duo chuckled.

"I'm happy for you and disappointed in them at the same time. I got the postcards you sent - did you like the Louvre?"

Trowa nodded.

"It was great, but it would have been better with you there. I kept wanting to know the story behind each of the paintings, but the curators got snarky when they heard my American accent."

"Which painting was your favorite?"

"I have to pick just one?" Trowa thought about it. "I liked _The Raft of the Medusa_."

Duo smiled slightly.

"I knew you would."

"It was so much bigger than I thought it would be - I remember you showing it to me in one of your books. But in real life...it was... I don't know. So much darkness but the light - it was like the sun was really struggling to come out of the clouds. It was incredible."

"What about Ralph? What did he think of it?"

"He wasn't there."

"Really? He passed up the chance to go to the Louvre?"

"No, he didn't go to Europe with us."

Duo frowned.

"Why not?"

Trowa drew in a deep breath and decided to just spit it out.

"We broke up, right after spring break."

Duo's jaw dropped.

"How - why - what the hell happened? Why didn't you say anything? Are you okay? What did he do? Did he cheat on you? I swear to God I will kick his ass if -"

"Duo, no. Nothing like that."

Duo's anger filled Trowa with warmth. It felt good, knowing Duo cared about him that much. Even though he didn't deserve it.

"Then what the hell happened?" Duo repeated. "You two were perfect together."

"No, we weren't. We were... we were good," Trowa decided. "And Ralph is an amazing guy - and I hope he finds someone equally amazing, but it's not me."

"Trowa, _you_ are an amazing guy."

"So are you."

Duo snorted.

"Yeah, well, I'm not really Ralph's type. Jesus, I can't believe you didn't say anything! I feel like such an ass."

"Don't. There was nothing you could have done and besides, you had a lot to deal with."

Duo shook his head.

"Still, I should have been there for you." He suddenly slapped a hand over his face. "That's why you kept calling me, wasn't it? And I just ignored you and never called you back. Trowa - I am such a jerk."

"Duo, you aren't a jerk. And that wasn't why I was calling." It was on the tip of his tongue to just confess everything, but Trowa hesitated. He knew Duo - as much as Duo might have spent the last two years wanting to be with Trowa, he had also wanted Trowa and Ralph to be happy together. Duo would only feel guilty if he knew that kissing Trowa had been the reason for their breakup.

Duo shook his head.

"Still - I won't ignore your calls again. I've got the Yoga mind now, so I'm here for you."

Trowa swallowed hard.

"And I'm here for you."

"Good - then you can be the one to go the grocery store tomorrow and get us some Pepto-Bismal."

-o-

Hilde was the first of their group to turn twenty-one.

They met up at the Brewery to celebrate her elevated legal status. The Brewery was a restaurant and bar only a few blocks from their apartment that Duo had discovered over the summer.

"They never card," he assured Trowa as they walked with Hilde into the dark, smoky interior. "Plus, they make their own beer."

Duo waved to a few people inside, making Trowa wonder just how frequently Duo came here, and led them towards the bar.

They sat down on a cluster of empty bar stools.

"Hey there, handsome."

The bartender approached them. He looked to be in his mid to late twenties, with dark skin and a shaved head. He was smiling at Duo.

"Hello gorgeous," Duo greeted him with a similar smile.

"Carl, these are my friends - Trowa and Hilde."

Carl looked over at Trowa and held out his hand.

Trowa reluctantly shook it. He noticed that Carl's upper body filled out his tight black t-shirt in a way that suggested he spent significant time working out.

Carl moved over to Hilde, but instead of shaking her hand he kissed her knuckles. Trowa rolled his eyes but Hilde snorted a laugh.

"We're here to celebrate my twenty-first birthday," she informed Carl.

"Well, that sounds like we need some shots," Carl said.

"That's what I was thinking, too," Duo agreed. "Let's start off with some Firebombs."

While Carl mixed the shots, Trowa leaned over.

"How often do you come here?"

Duo shrugged one shoulder.

"A few nights a week during the summer - not that much now that we've started back in school... mostly just Thursday nights - you're usually meeting with one of your study groups."

Trowa eyed Carl. He tried to figure out how to ask how well Duo knew him without sounding like a jealous moron.

"Carl seems cool," he said tentatively.

Duo grinned and Trowa felt his stomach sink.

"Yeah. He's why I started coming here. We met at the yoga place."

Yoga. It was torture. Trowa would get up in the mornings and find Duo in the living room, wearing only his boxers and contorting his body into positions that had, on more than one occasion, caused Trowa to trip over the rug or run into the wall. And Carl got to see him like that twice a week at those classes. Trowa made a silent promise to start going to the gym.

Carl delivered their shots and Duo insisted on a toast before they tossed back the liquor.

"Here's to a night of debauchery!"

They did a two more shots before Kurt, Mags, Alice and a stranger showed up.

The stranger - a blonde guy with green eyes who zeroed in on Hilde and kissed her like there was no tomorrow - turned out to be Hilde's new boyfriend.

"What happened to Alex?" Trowa asked Duo.

Duo winced and leaned over so that he was whispering in Trowa's ear.

"Remember our party last semester?"

Trowa nodded. He was unlikely to ever forget it.

"And remember when Hilde forced us to kiss?"

He nodded again, grateful that Duo couldn't see his face.

"Yeah, well, Alex thought it was pretty hot... and one thing led to another and..."

"No," Trowa turned so he could see Duo.

Duo nodded, a crooked smile on his face.

"Yep. We turned him gay."

Trowa felt his lips twitch into a smile.

"I don't know how to feel about that."

"Be proud," Duo said and winked. "Our gay powers combined to conquer a straight man. Who knows - we keep this up and we could turn the whole world gay."

"Keep what up - drunkenly kissing each other?" The words were out of Trowa's mouth before he could stop them.

Duo seemed to be struggling with a response.

Hilde threw her arms around him from behind.

"Come on, our table is ready and I need beer."

She dragged Duo away and Trowa followed. The blonde guy fell into step beside him.

"I'm Roger," he said.

"Trowa. How long have you been dating Hilde?"

"A few weeks - she helped me find my way around campus on the first day of classes."

Trowa looked him over again. He didn't look eighteen.

"You're a freshmen?" He didn't bother to hide his dismay.

Roger laughed.

"No - I'm a graduate student. I'm starting my PhD work in American Studies."

"Really? I'm focusing on American history for my BA."

"Awesome," Roger smiled. "Hilde said I'd probably get along with you."

"I'm surprised she didn't tell you to threaten to kill me," Trowa muttered.

"She did mention something about you being a stupid asshole," Roger confided, "but then she said you were a great guy - so who knows..."

Dinner was great. It was the first time they had all gotten together since the start of the semester - now that they were juniors and fully absorbed in their majors it was becoming slightly more difficult to schedule time when all of them could meet up - and they spent hours talking about their summers while Hilde determinedly worked her way through the beer menu.

It was last call before Roger finally convinced Hilde she had had enough to drink, and as they all walked out of the bar Duo broke away to go talk to Carl.

"He's hot," Hilde told Trowa.

"Who?"

"Carl. Carl the hot bartender. _He_ doesn't ignore Duo."

Trowa glared at her.

"You're the one who told me to back off and leave him alone over the summer."

"I did. But Trowa, it's October. Why haven't you said anything to him?"

He was impressed that she was this coherent, considering the amount of alcohol she had consumed.

"Because he's my best friend."

Trowa had tried, over the past weeks, to say something. He and Duo were spending more time together now - things were almost back to the way they had been before Valentine's Day. But every time he started to tell Duo he found himself thinking about last semester. Duo had been miserable, and so had Trowa.

"Hilde, if I fuck this up he's not going to be my friend anymore."

She looked at him and scowled.

"Then don't fuck it up."

He rolled his eyes.

"I'm a twenty year old guy, Hilde. I'm going to fuck it up."

"No," she insisted. "You will not fuck up Duo." She giggled. "You can fuck him, but don't fuck him up."

It was clear that the alcohol was finally kicking in.

"Hilde -"

"Trowa. Stop. It's my birthday. And since all you got me was some dumb paintbrushes -"

"Duo said that's what you wanted! I spent -"

"As I was saying," she interrupted him, "since all you got me was some dumb paintbrushes, you owe me. So go ask him out. That's what I want for my birthday."

"Hilde, no one is as drunk as you are - but I thought we agreed Duo didn't want to be the guy I hooked up with when I was drunk."

She frowned.

"Then ask him when I'm sober."

"I'll ask him when _I'm_ sober," he corrected.

She sighed.

"_Fine."_

But he didn't get the chance.

The next morning Duo was gone. Trowa found on a note on the door of the fridge.

_Had to leave. _

-o-

Neither Trowa nor Hilde could get Duo on the phone.

For an entire week they tried calling him. They left messages but he never called back.

Hilde was convinced that Duo had run off with Carl.

Trowa, however, had walked down to the bar two nights after Hilde's birthday party and seen Carl working.

After four days Trowa called Gemma.

Duo had listed her as an emergency contact on their lease and it took Trowa a few hours to find their copy, but when he did he took a deep breath and assured himself that Gemma was just Duo's grandmother. Calling her would not be that scary.

Even if he had to tell her that Duo had gone missing.

It took nearly three minutes for someone to answer the phone.

"Hello?" It was a man's voice and it was unfamiliar to Trowa.

"Er... I'm calling for Gemma Maxwell?"

"She's not - she's not here anymore."

"Can you tell me where to reach her? I -"

His question was met with the dial tone.

Trowa had no idea what to do next. He was contemplating calling the police, but Hilde tracked him down one afternoon in the library and assured him that Duo was still alive.

"You've heard from him?"

"No, but I just spoke with Professor Remington - she said that Duo emailed her yesterday."

"And...?"

"And that was it. She gave me some crap about confidentiality and told me to get back to work."

Midterms were fast approaching, and Trowa spent the rest of the week in a daze. He tried to work on his papers and study for exams, but he kept thinking about Duo and wondering where the hell he was.

He still wasn't back the following Tuesday, and with midterms coming up at the end of the week, Trowa forced himself to accept that Duo would come back - from wherever the hell he was - when he wanted to.

He came home from classes that afternoon and decided to work on his US Economic History paper, due that Thursday.

Trowa threw his bag onto his bed and then started towards the kitchen, thinking that a cup of coffee and a grilled cheese sandwich would help him focus on his paper, but he stopped short beside the open bathroom door.

Duo was sitting in the bathtub. There was no water, and Duo was fully clothed. His face was pale and his eyes were red rimmed. It looked as though he had been crying.

"Duo?"

It took a moment for the braided man to react, but when he looked over to Trowa his eyes were completely empty.

"My mother used to do this. She used to just sit in the damn bathtub like this. I always thought it was crazy, but…" he shook his head. "Something about the porcelain. It's cold and hard."

Trowa wasn't used to Duo speaking in any style other than straightforward, and he was immediately on edge.

"I'd come home from school and find her, sitting in the bathtub in her Chanel suits, crying. God, at the end… it was like every day she'd do this."

"What happened?" Trowa didn't really know how to contribute to this conversation, but he felt the need to say _something_.

"She slit her wrists." Duo's lips twisted. "In the bathtub. Wearing her favorite Chanel suit."

Trowa hadn't expected that answer and he regretted opening his mouth.

Duo sighed.

"I never really got it, you know? But she was in so much pain, all the time, and she was so sad. I guess sometimes… sometimes you need a knife to stop the bleeding, right?"

Trowa was disturbed to hear Duo speak about suicide so candidly, but even more disturbed by the fact that he seemed to empathize with what he was saying.

He could count on one hand the number of times Duo had been anything less than upbeat – and nothing had ever come close to what he was seeing now.

Depression just didn't suit Duo.

Trowa toed off his shoes and climbed into the tub, sitting at the opposite end from Duo. He was grateful, for perhaps the first time ever, that their ancient apartment had an equally ancient free-standing bathtub and that the tap was in the center of the tub instead of at the front.

He crossed his legs, but even so his feet overlapped with Duo's. The braided man didn't seem to mind, in fact he stretched his legs out a bit, forcing his toes under Trowa's heels.

"Where have you been for the last week?" Trowa asked after he had made himself as comfortable as possible.

"Florida. Gemma's dead. The funeral was two days ago."

"Did you get to see her, before she died?"

Duo snorted.

"Yeah, through a fucking window. That bastard wouldn't even let me…" he trailed off and stared at the tiles on the floor.

"I'm sorry," Trowa said.

Duo looked at him.

"That's what _he_ wanted me to say. Wanted me to say how sorry I was and how wrong I was and – I just wanted to see her. I just wanted to hold her hand, one last time. Why – _why_ can't he just let me live?"

Trowa had no idea who or what Duo was talking about.

He struggled to think of something to say, something that might comfort Duo, but all he could think of was the deaths of his own parents.

"When my parents died, the police wouldn't let Catharine or me see them. I was only twelve – but she was twenty four, they should have allowed her, but they wouldn't. Their will said they wanted to be cremated, so that's what happened. We never got to see them, never got to say goodbye."

Duo swallowed hard.

"You never talk about them."

"You never talk about your parents, either," Trowa pointed out.

Duo drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Fuck, you're closer to me than anyone else in my life aside from Hilde and I just… I hate death. I got to see my mom – I found her, in the bathtub. I'll never forget that, how cold she was, how heavy and wet. But Gemma – all those machines and the sounds, it was like one of those fucked up TV shows, but it was real. Your parents loved you, Tro, and when they were alive… I'm sure they were perfect, right? Happy and smiling and everything. You should just remember them that way – you don't have to say goodbye to that, you know? Those memories? You can keep those forever. The cops were right not to let you see them after they died. A body… it isn't a person. It's just empty."

Part of Trowa resented the fact that Duo felt the need to dispense advice for how to cope with the death of his parents, but another part of him could envision Duo finding his mother's body and trying to hold it – cold and heavy and wet – and he could almost understand what Duo was trying to say.

"How old were you, when your mother died?"

"Nine."

"What do you need?" Trowa asked, thinking that this – sitting in a bathtub and dredging up bad memories – surely wasn't helping.

Duo scrubbed at his face with the back of his hands.

"A drink. A few drinks, actually."

Trowa nodded and got up from the bathtub.

"Let's go to the Brewery," he suggested. He figured he could spend a few hours drinking with Duo and still be able to sit down tonight and write his annotated bibliography and the prospectus for his paper before class in the morning.

"Yeah, okay."

Duo got up and stretched, the wince on his face making it clear he had been sitting in the tub for a long time.

"You have to change though," Trowa added as he looked over Duo's rumpled clothing. "I can't be seen in public with you looking like that."

Duo's lips actually twitched upwards into a slight grin.

-o-

Trowa's usual hide in the library until the end of midterms tactics had to be put on hold.

After that first night Duo spent all of his time either in the art studio, the library, or the Brewery.

Hilde and Trowa negotiated patrol duty - she would keep an eye on him while he was at the studio and the bar and Trowa would check on him at the library and at home.

He was sure Duo was aware of their system - he and Hilde were practically treating him like a suicide risk - but Duo didn't seem to care about anything other than his work and drinking himself into a stupor every night.

Hilde confessed that Duo didn't talk to her much - not at the studio or at the bar - and that his paintings, always on the darker side, gave a whole new definition to the word morbid.

Trowa woke up earlier than usual in the mornings in order to study and work on his papers more, but he was the only one awake. Duo had seemingly given up on his morning yoga workouts.

He wasn't eating much either, despite the fact that Trowa had the pantry stocked with Duo's favorite junk food and the fridge with his favorite fruit.

Duo seemed to have lost all interest in everything that wasn't his schoolwork.

Midterms ended and Trowa had no idea how he had done - his papers were nowhere near as well researched as his usually were, but he felt good enough about the tests themselves.

On Friday night, when most of the student population was celebrating the survival of midterms - or mourning their defeat - Trowa tracked Duo down at the art studio.

Just like that night freshmen year, Duo was alone in the studio, painting on an easel in the back and listening to music on his iPod.

Trowa came armed with Duo's favorite Jersey Mike's sandwich and a bottle of Dr. Pepper - it had taken him more than two years, but he had finally convinced Duo it was the best soft drink.

He put the meal on the table near Duo's belongings and approached him.

Hilde had been right - Duo's painting went beyond morbid.

The canvas was fairly large - at least four feet long and more than two feet tall - and taking up most of the real estate was the ghostly pale face of a porcelain doll. The surface of the doll's face was covered in thin lines. Trowa at first thought they were wrinkles, but the more he looked at it he realized that they were fractures. The doll was broken.

Duo was currently working on a large, dark shadow under the doll's head. Even though it was a dark, almost black violet, the shadow looked like a pool of blood.

As Duo stepped back for a moment to look over the work Trowa stepped forward, into his line of sight.

Duo was startled - but at least he didn't jump or drop his paint.

"I didn't hear you come in," Duo said and removed his headphones.

Trowa shrugged.

"I didn't want to risk you spilling paint again."

Duo smiled, a ghost of his usual expression.

"I brought you dinner."

Duo shook his head.

"Nah, I'm not hungry."

"Still, you're not eating."

Duo arched an eyebrow.

"Shouldn't you be off celebrating surviving midterms with Kurt and Mags?"

"They decided to have a private celebration, plus, I'm where I want to be."

Duo gave him a long look but eventually gave in.

He put down his painting tools, wiped his hands off on his jeans, and picked up the sandwich. He didn't unwrap it yet, but Trowa counted it as a minor victory that Duo was even touching it.

"What are you doing for fall break?" Trowa asked him.

Duo shrugged one shoulder.

"Work in the studio."

"You're not going anywhere?"

Duo shook his head.

"Nowhere to go."

"I'll stick around," Trowa offered. He knew Catharine would be disappointed, but Thanksgiving wasn't too far off.

"No, go home. Be with your sister."

"I need to start working on my thesis paper, anyway." Trowa looked around the studio. "I could probably hang out in here with you - these tables are huge, I could spread out my books and -"

"You don't have to do that," Duo interrupted him, his voice raw. "You and Hilde do not have to babysit me. I can function just fine on my own."

"We know you can function," Trowa assured him. "I know you can focus on your work - and your drinking - but you can't just hide from everything by doing that. You're running away from all of us and I get that you're hurting, but this - is this really helping?"

Duo's throat worked and he seemed to be struggling with himself.

"I can't stop. I can't think about it, Trowa. If I'm not working or drinking then it's too easy to remember and I can't - I can't do it."

"Duo, you loved Gemma. She deserves to be remembered. _Not_ remembering her isn't going to make it hurt any less - you're just prolonging it."

"And you would know, huh?" Duo asked.

"Yeah. I do know. When my parents died, I didn't talk to Catharine for a month. Every time she tried to bring them up - or do what they did or take us somewhere we'd been with them - it was like torture for me. All I wanted to do was pretend it had never happened - pretend that they were coming back or that they had never existed at all, and she wouldn't let me do it. It just hurt, all the time, because every time I tried _not_ to think about them I thought about how alone I was."

Duo swallowed hard.

"You had Catharine," he pointed out.

"I know. At first it didn't seem like it mattered - and looking back I wish I hadn't been such an asshole to her. She loved me and she was just trying to help - and she had lost her parents, too."

"She was it, Trowa. Gemma was the _one_ person who loved me - despite me being the total fuck up that I am. Gemma always thought I was her perfect grandson and now... She was _it_. And if I stop and think about that - if I think about the future and how fucking _empty _it is... I can't handle it. I know it's messed up to be thinking about myself and - but Jesus, I'm so _alone._"

"Duo, you are not alone. I know I'm not Gemma, but I'm here for you. And you aren't a total fuck up. Not even close. Gemma thought you were perfect because you are this amazing person. She threatened me the first time we met and at the time all I could think of was how crazy she had to be - but she was right. She told me that I wasn't good enough for you and she was right. She knew it, and I know it."

Duo abandoned the sandwich and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

"I'm not perfect and I'm not amazing. You know my Dad - he was there."

Duo had never once mentioned his father, and Trowa had always assumed that he, like Duo's mother, had died when Duo was young and that he had been raised by Gemma.

"_He_ knows what a fuckup I am. He wouldn't let me in the room to be with her. He told me it was family only and I sure as hell wasn't family." Duo shook his head. "And Solo just stood there - just stood there and looked at me like he didn't even know me. But they know me, they both know me. All of my life I've just been this colossal disappointment and I'm sure they thought they would never have to see me again. I always thought Gemma was crazy for picking me."

"Gemma was smart, she picked the best one," Trowa said. He still had no idea who Solo was, but it didn't matter. The idea that Duo had a father who would keep him from saying goodbye to Gemma, who would turn him away like that - it filled Trowa with anger. No wonder Duo never spoke about him. No wonder Duo was a shell of a person these days.

Duo laughed, but his voice was thick with unshed tears.

"You should come home with me over Thanksgiving," Trowa decided. "Catharine would love to see you. She always asks about you."

Duo sniffed back tears.

"That's because she thinks I'm hot."

"Undoubtedly."

He put the sandwich back in Duo's hands.

"Eat. Then let's go home."

-o-

November went by quickly.

Duo finally started doing yoga again, and the colder weather meant he wore sweatpants and a t-shirt, which Trowa was both grateful and mournful for.

Things weren't back to normal, not that Trowa expected them to be, but Duo started to spend time at the apartment again and meeting up with their group for dinner or a night at the bar.

Duo smiled more, but Trowa would look at him sometimes and see how sad and miserable he still was. He had no idea how to help him - it was clear that Duo was battling the loss of Gemma, but that her death - and Duo's father - had opened up old wounds that Duo had tried to bury.

It made Trowa start to wonder how much of the Duo he knew - carefree and raucous - was the real Duo and how much Duo had always struggled with these issues.

He was grateful that Duo didn't try to talk his way out of coming home with Trowa for the Thanksgiving Break. As soon as Trowa had told Catharine about it she had started planning the menu for that week - she had been pestering Trowa to bring Duo home for years, and knowing that he had just lost Gemma only fueled her desire.

Catharine had only met Duo a handful of times - but the two of them got along frighteningly well. Duo always flirted with her and Catharine teased him, and the last time they had met - when Catharine had driven down to take Trowa out for his birthday last March - they had even teamed up to give Trowa a hard time.

So he wasn't surprised that the first thing Catharine did when she picked them up at the train station was to completely ignore him and enfold Duo in a hug.

The gesture seemed to take him completely by surprise, and he stood there awkwardly. It reminded Trowa of the time when _he_ had hugged Duo, freshmen year.

Duo looked just as uncomfortable now as he had then. Trowa thought about it, and he realized that he had never seen Duo hug anyone - not even Hilde. Hilde put her arms around Duo's neck, often from behind and often when she was drunk, but she never actually hugged him.

"Okay, okay. I know it's cold but I can't keep you warm forever," Duo said and Catharine pulled away.

"Well, let's get you boys home before the snow starts," Catharine said to cover the awkward moment.

"Snow?" Duo looked up at the dark sky.

"Yeah, the forecast is calling for two feet."

"Two feet? Of snow?" Duo looked at Trowa. "You brought me up here so I would die in a blizzard, didn't you?"

Trowa rolled his eyes and grabbed their bags.

"Stop being so melodramatic. Two feet of snow is _not_ a blizzard. We get that in the spring."

-o-

While not a blizzard, they did get almost three feet of snow overnight.

Duo, who slept on the couch under four blankets while wearing three sweaters and two pairs of sweatpants, seemed equally horrified and enchanted by the landscape the next morning.

Catharine made them a late breakfast and ate with them before heading out to the restaurant.

"I'll be home around ten," she told Trowa. "So you're on your own for dinner, but I've got tomorrow off so I expect _both_ of you to help me out in the kitchen."

"I don't think you want me anywhere near a kitchen," Duo said. "Trowa's shown me how to boil stuff, but that's the extent of my culinary ability."

"Well, then it's time a real chef taught you some skills," Catharine decided.

As Catharine got ready to leave she turned to Trowa.

"And you remember what to do if a bear tries to get in, right?"

Duo's eyes grew comically wide.

"Bears? There are _bears_ here?"

Catharine nodded solemnly.

"Oh yes. But don't worry - if one comes close to the door just do exactly what Trowa tells you. We've only ever had two get in before. I'm sure you will be fine."

Duo continued to look horrified for another thirty seconds, but then he scowled.

"It's November. Even if there were bears, they would be hibernating."

Catharine smirked.

"Still - I had you going."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Pick on the guy who grew up at the beach. Laugh it up and enjoy your blizzard."

They spent the rest of the morning watching television, but by the middle of the afternoon both were bored with the daytime programming.

"Want to go for a walk?" Trowa suggested.

Duo gave him a look.

"About as much as I'd like to spend the winter in Alaska."

Trowa rolled his eyes.

"You are such a baby about the cold. Come on."

Duo reluctantly got up and put on another few layers of clothing. Trowa gave him a pair of gloves and a toboggan. He watched Duo put it on and had to fight a smile. Duo looked adorable. There was no other word for it.

"What?" Duo asked when he caught Trowa staring.

"Nothing."

Duo's eyes narrowed.

"Tell me."

"Nothing. You just look adorable."

"Adorable?"

Trowa nodded.

"Yeah, cute. Like -"

"Like a baby duck. Baby ducks are cute. _I _am not cute. I hate cute. I'm exotic and mysterious." Duo pulled the hood of his jacket on over the toboggan. "Are we going to do this thing or what?"

Trowa forced himself not to laugh and instead followed Duo out into the snow.

They walked around the neighborhood, Duo sullen and silent while Trowa tried to block out the mental image of Duo freaking out over being called cute. It reminded him of Duo's reaction to the football players trying to feel him up in the showers when they lived on campus.

About a mile from the house they came across a group of kids building a fort out of the snow.

"You people are so weird," Duo muttered. "Why would you spend your time out here, freezing your asses off, to build a fort?"

"So you can have a snowball fight," Trowa reasoned.

"Right, because throwing snow at each other sounds like a hell of a lot of fun."

As if his words had summoned it, a snowball suddenly came out of nowhere and hit Duo square in the chest.

Duo looked shocked for a moment, but then his eyes narrowed and he bent down and angrily started to scoop up snow.

"Which one of them threw that?" he demanded.

"I think it was the kid in the red jacket."

Duo stood up and took off, sprinting towards the kid without thought of falling in the snow and then pelting the kid with the sloppy snowball.

Predictably, Duo's actions started a war.

They soon found themselves on one side of the fort with the rest of the kids on the other.

Trowa didn't have much experience with snowball fights - too often, growing up, the fights were broken up quickly after someone packed their snowballs with rocks - but he was surprised by how easily Duo adapted and started strategizing.

"We need more ammo - you start making snowballs while I draw their fire," Duo instructed him.

"What?"

"You heard me. There's no way I'm getting my ass handed to me by these noobs."

"Should I start calling you Master Chief?" Trowa asked, amused that their Halo time had someone inspired Duo to take on the army of kids ready to pelt them with cold, snowy death.

"Yeah - sure as hell beats you calling me _cute_."

They managed to hold the kids off for a good chunk of time - Duo kept them busy while Trowa made enough snowballs to put up a good offensive, and then they worked together to attack.

The tide started to turn, however, when the sister of one of the kids joined in. Her aim was deadly and Duo and Trowa had to constantly duck to avoid being pummeled.

They started to run out of snowballs, and as Trowa reached for one of the last ones he collided with Duo.

They fell back into the snow and Trowa landed on top of Duo.

The braided man grinned up at him, his cheeks and nose flushed with the cold. He looked happy, really happy, for the first time in months. Trowa grinned back, feeling an acute sense of relief. He reached down to brush snow out of Duo's bangs, but the other man grabbed his wrist and used it to pull Trowa against him.

Duo wrapped his other hand around Trowa's neck and leaned upwards to capture his lips in a firm kiss.

Despite the chill of Duo's lips, his mouth was hot and when Trowa opened his lips, the sensation of Duo's tongue touching his was almost scalding. He opened his mouth wider and tried to taste Duo and draw in his warmth and happiness. It felt amazing and _right_ and –

A snowball impacted with the side of his head.

Trowa pulled back and was instantly hit with another, this one landing square on his nose and aside from being absolutely freezing, it fucking _hurt_.

Duo fared no better – he too was quickly assaulted by a succession of snowballs from the screaming kids.

"I think we should retreat," Duo suggested.

Trowa nodded in agreement and rose to his feet just as another wave of snowballs were launched in their direction.

Duo jumped up and together they started sprinting away from the fort and the children. But the children chased them, armed with snowballs and youthful energy. They dogged Duo and Trowa until they made it back to Catharine's house and Trowa slammed the door just as three snowballs impacted with it.

"Fucking hell, you Yankees are hardcore about snowball fights!" Duo panted breathlessly and then groaned. "God, I'm soaked and freezing and –"

"Whining, as usual," Trowa interjected.

Duo glared at him.

"Come on," Trowa led Duo towards the laundry room and started to strip out of his clothing. Years of experience and Catharine yelling at him for dripping on the floors had taught Trowa to immediately strip out of wet clothes and not even attempt to go upstairs to change.

Duo regarded him warily as Trowa discarded his boots, gloves, jacket and started to unzip his jeans.

"You said you were wet," Trowa pointed out.

"Yeah, and _cold_," Duo argued.

"You're just going to stay wet and cold if you keep those clothes on."

Trowa pulled off his jeans and started to lift the hem of his turtleneck. He noticed Duo's eyes riveted on his body and a surge of lust and adrenaline filled him.

"But I'm going to be cold if I take them off. I'm from California – I don't run around naked in the winter."

Trowa tossed his shirt aside and reached for the waistband of his boxers. He arched an eyebrow at Duo.

"I promise I can warm you up a lot faster naked than I can with you like that," he offered.

Duo was undressed in seconds and Trowa stepped over the pile of their soggy clothes, pulled Duo against him, and for the first time, Trowa kissed Duo.

He buried his hands in Duo's hair, even though it was wet and cold, and pressed his entire body against Duo's, desperate for heat and contact.

It felt amazing – better than the kiss in the snow, better than their drunken kiss last semester for Hilde's benefit. Better than any kiss Trowa had experienced in the last three years.

Duo nipped at his lower lip and Trowa groaned at the sensation.

Duo pulled away enough to grin at him.

"So, this whole warming me up thing… did it involve just standing here kissing or did you have something else in mind?"

Trowa took hold of Duo's hand and pulled the other man after him up the stairs, down the hall, and into his bedroom.

Trowa pulled the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around the two of them, trapping their bodies together.

Duo walked them backwards until they fell on the bed and kissed him again.

Trowa ran his hands over Duo's lean body, finally able to touch him and revel in the feel of his taunt muscles.

"If this is the way you always get warm, no wonder you like the cold so much," Duo said, pulling back just enough to start kissing his way across Trowa's jaw and down his neck.

"This is definitely a first for me," Trowa assured him. "But you just looked so _cute_."

Duo stopped kissing him and glared.

"There is absolutely _nothing_ cute about me."

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"What about -"

"No. _Nothing._"

Duo shifted his hips and Trowa moaned at the sensation.

"You're right," he agreed when Duo did it again. Baby ducks were now the furthest thing from Trowa's mind.

Duo smirked and kissed him.

Trowa rolled them over so that he was on top of Duo and he loosened the blanket enough so that he could start to explore his body.

He trailed kisses down Duo's torso, tasting his skin and enjoying the tautness of Duo's body.

As he neared Duo's abs the braided man pulled away from him with a sound that was between a giggle and a moan.

Trowa looked up.

"Are you ticklish?"

"No," Duo insisted, but the way he held his side seemed to indicate differently.

"You _are_. How did I never know this?"

"Probably because we've never done this before?" Duo suggested and shied away when Trowa reached for his stomach.

Trowa couldn't help but smirk.

"So what else have you been hiding from me?" He leaned down and kissed Duo again.

Duo returned the kiss, but Trowa could sense a shift in his mood. He sat back.

"About that hiding things from you thing," Duo said uneasily.

Trowa felt a moment of panic. He knew, from one of Duo's many rants freshmen year, that Duo always practiced safe sex - he flat out refused to sleep with people who didn't wear condoms - but maybe something had happened? Maybe he had -

"I've wanted to do this - to be with you - for a while now."

Trowa sagged in relief.

"Me too," Trowa confided, happy to _finally_ be able to tell Duo that, especially since things were finally heading in a good direction.

Duo looked confused.

"Since when?"

"I didn't really start to think about it until we kissed last semester, but I'm pretty sure I've been attracted to you since freshmen year."

Duo stared at him in mute shock and then he shook his head.

"Please tell me that kiss wasn't the reason you broke up with Ralph."

Trowa hesitated and Duo swore.

"Fuck me! Are you serious? Trowa - I never wanted to come between you two! You and Ralph were perfect together! It was just one kiss - I never should have -"

"Duo, that one kiss was better than anything I'd ever experienced with Ralph."

"I'm seriously the reason you two broke up," Duo said, seemingly having a hard time understanding. "Trowa - do you have any idea how stupid that is? It was one kiss and we were drunk - you probably remembered the alcohol more than the actual feeling of kissing me!"

"Are you going to tell me that I'm still drunk then? Because kissing you today has been even more amazing - this - this is what I've been dreaming about for months now."

"Trowa - do you have any idea how screwed up I am? Ralph _loved_ you - and you loved him! You can't just throw something like that away because you kissed _me_."

Duo was up on his feet now, pacing in front of the bed.

"Why the hell did you never tell me?"

"Because I knew this would happen," Trowa sighed. "And I have no idea why you're blaming yourself - I'm the one who made the decision. It isn't like you tried to get me to break up with him."

"I wanted to," Duo mumbled. "I wanted to but I tried to stay the hell away because you were happy with him."

"Duo, I want to be with you."

Duo sat back down on the bed with his back to Trowa.

"Then why didn't you say anything? You broke up with him eight months ago."

"Timing," Trowa said bitterly. "I wanted to know we were still friends first - and then I was scared that this might not work out and it would ruin our friendship - and then Gemma died."

"This probably _won't_ work out," Duo agreed. "With my track record, I'm bound to screw it up. And then you -" He looked back at Trowa. "Trowa, I can't lose you, too."

Trowa swallowed hard and nodded.

"Okay," he said and tried to make a joke. "No more naked warming up time."

Duo didn't smile.

-o-

The rest of the weekend was more than a little awkward.

They didn't ignore each other, but suddenly every look and gesture felt charged with tension. Trowa caught Duo looking at him more than a few times, a sad, wistful expression on his face, and Trowa was sure he looked at Duo the same way.

Catharine forced them to spend Friday playing board games with her and she beat them at everything - a first considering how competitive Trowa usually was.

On Saturday morning she cornered Trowa in the kitchen while Duo was still sleeping and demanded to know what was going on.

"Nothing," he assured her.

"Really? Because it feels like the two of you have been fighting."

"We haven't. We just... made a decision and it's going to take some getting adjusted to."

Catharine searched his face.

"He finally told you he likes you and you turned him down," she guessed.

Trowa really didn't want to talk about it, not yet and not with Duo only a room away.

"He thinks it's better for us to be friends," he said, the shortest explanation he could come up with.

Catharine sighed.

"And I think the both of you are idiots."

"Yeah, well, that's nothing new."

Catharine drove them to the train station early the next morning, taking the time to hug Duo and whisper something to him that had him staring after her with a strange expression on his face.

Trowa thought about asking him what Catharine had said, but as soon as they were situated on the train Duo predictably fell asleep.

When they arrived back in Chapel Hill it was almost ten at night, and both of them were irritable from so long on the train and navigating through train stations. They skipped dinner and went straight back to the apartment.

As Trowa lay in bed that night, unable to sleep, he couldn't help but think that this was a mistake.

He wanted Duo's friendship, but he didn't want this distance between them. It had only been a few days, and Trowa assumed that things would go back to normal over time- but what if they didn't? Last semester Duo had gone months without really being around - and he might still be avoiding Trowa if he hadn't dragged him to Captain Steve's that first Saturday night.

Trowa didn't want to go another five months without his best friend.

He also didn't want to stop thinking about Duo as more than a friend.

Finally, Trowa got out of bed, thinking that shooting some Grunts for a few hours would help him figure out what to do.

He opened the door to his bedroom and ran into Duo.

They stared at each other for a moment, and then Duo scratched the back of his neck.

"I was just going to play Halo," Duo said.

"Me too."

"You go ahead," Duo said and took a step back.

"No, you -"

"We are not going to stand here and argue about this," Duo muttered.

"Co-op?" Trowa suggested.

Duo held his gaze for a long moment, searching for something.

"I've got a better idea," Duo said.

Trowa didn't know who moved first, but suddenly they were kissing again and Trowa knew there was no way they were going to pretend they could just go back to being friends after this.

-o-

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Sorry for the length of time between updates. I don't do well with writing happiness, apparently. Anyway, I made it angsty and suddenly I was able to write again. Enjoy.

A/N #2: This is an epic fic, in that it spans 13 years. It is split into 6 parts, each with multiple chapters. Each part will feature a different character POV and will run in roughly chronological order (Parts 3 and 4 are concurrent-ish).

A/N #3: Congrats to Pentaghast for having excellent taste in movies! I will be writing a one-shot for her (or maybe not a one-shot since she's inspired me now...) and posting that very soon. I know someone said there was an Almost Famous quote... if there is it was totally unintentional... and where was it? I'm so confused.

Warnings: AU, Angst, language, yaoi, lots of pairings (1x2, 2x3, 2x4, 2x5, 1x5, 2xH, 3x4, 1x3, 3xRalph... Zechs and Treize will probably make appearances in people's beds too) melodrama - probably I should add this warning to everything I write...

Special thanks to my beta Artemis Fenir.

_This Time_

Part 1: Chapter 6

_Spring 2004_

"Okay, okay – just – just give it one more try. I promise. It gets better."

Duo sounded desperate and Trowa gave in.

He leaned back on the couch with a sigh and Duo kissed him.

"I'm serious. You aren't going to regret this," he promised before kissing him again.

Trowa returned the kiss. He could taste the fancy German chocolate Catharine had loaded them up with at Christmas on Duo's lips and he deepened the kiss.

Duo's hands snaked under Trowa's sweater and even though they were cold, Trowa leaned into his touch as Duo kneaded the muscles in Trowa's back.

Trowa pulled back and started to kiss his way down Duo's throat, pausing to nibble on the sensitive spot he had discovered by Duo's collarbone.

Duo groaned and arched against him.

Trowa maneuvered them backwards on the couch so that he covered Duo's body with his own. He loved the feeling of Duo's body, hard angles and lean muscles, and when Duo shifted so that their clothed erections came into contact Trowa groaned.

Duo smirked up at him and shifted his hands downwards towards Trowa's ass.

Trowa pulled Duo's sweater off, impatient to have access to his body.

"It's impossible to get anything accomplished with you around," Duo moaned when Trowa licked and kissed his way down Duo's chest, carefully avoiding his more ticklish spots.

"Speak for yourself," Trowa said, "I'm getting plenty accomplished."

Duo laughed, but his voice had a slightly breathless quality to it. Duo's laughter abruptly ended and he gasped.

"Oh Jesus Christ - every time you do that I think I'm going to cum immediately," Duo panted. He threaded his fingers through Trowa's hair - not quite pulling him or guiding him, but clearly indicating that he wanted Trowa to continue his current course of action.

Trowa was happy to oblige him and continued to lavish attention on Duo, bringing him closer and closer to orgasm until finally Duo came, Trowa's name a plea on his lips as he arched up one last time.

"Oh man, that was amazing."

Duo had that lazy, contented smile on his face that was quickly becoming Trowa's favorite expression to see. Duo always smiled that way after sex, but also sometimes after intense kissing or after one of their hour long debates on something completely irrelevant.

"Of course it was," Trowa affirmed with a smirk. "We've certainly been practicing enough for it to be."

Duo chuckled at that and stretched. He noticed Trowa looking over his naked body, unable to avert his gaze.

"Did you want to take this to a bedroom?" Duo suggested.

"No, someone keeps whining about this _awesome_ TV show I have to watch," Trowa responded, injecting a fair amount of scorn into his voice.

"It _is_ an awesome show. Plus, you said you would give it another try," Duo sat up and started to pull on his clothes.

"If I have to," he said.

Duo glared at him.

"What do you mean _if you have to_? If it's going to be that much like torture you –"

"Duo, it's cowboys in space."

"Exactly! But you need to say it more like this, 'it's cowboys _in_ space' - see how I make it sound awesome?"

Trowa arched an eyebrow.

"At least tell me the doctor turns out to be gay."

Duo gave Trowa an apologetic smile.

"Does anyone die horribly? Maybe the pilot or something?"

Duo shook his head in the negative.

"So it's just a television series about a happy band of reprobates traveling around the galaxy... not rebelling against the government, not dying horribly and not... really accomplishing anything?"

"Yep."

"No wonder it was canceled," Trowa mused.

Duo rolled his eyes.

"It was canceled because Fox is the devil and Joss Whedon -"

"Okay, okay," Trowa held up his hands in surrender. He had already heard Duo rant about this subject. "Let's watch another episode of Firefly. At least Nathan Fillion's ass looks good in those ridiculously tight pants."

The past six weeks had been filled with days like this.

That first night together, after arriving home from Catherine's at the end of Thanksgiving Break, had been frantic and awkward, with a fair amount of stumbling around in the dark and a brief argument about whose room to go to, ending with them laughing, exhausted and bruised because they had decided to forgo both rooms and use the floor in the living room instead.

There had been no going back after that, not that Trowa had ever wanted to go back. The end of the semester, with the crushing workload of papers and exams to complete, had loomed over them and meant that almost every hour of each of their days was spent apart - studying, working and writing.

Somehow they had managed to find the time to be together, though. Duo tracked him down in the library at odd hours and barricaded them into study lounges for makeout sessions that left Trowa desperate and aching. Trowa had visited Duo in the art studios late at night on three different occasions, engaging in his first, second and third acts of sex in a public place.

Their schedules were different enough that they rarely saw each other at the apartment. A few times Duo came home early enough at night that Trowa was still awake and they would spend an hour or two together in bed before Duo would leave again to study or work on papers and exams.

When exams finally ended they spent two days in bed, exploring each other's bodies and starting to learn where and how to touch each other.

It was amazing and completely unlike anything Trowa had previously experienced. He had loved Ralph, had found him attractive and lusted for him. But he had never spent this much time committing Ralph's body to his memory, had never put in the effort to catalog his reaction to Trowa's touches or tried to learn the difference in his smiles.

Of course, he had never spent quite this much time naked with Ralph.

Without classes and schoolwork to keep them separated, Duo and Trowa spent nearly every day of the Winter Break together, and it felt like they were living in a porno. They could be doing something as mundane as cleaning up the apartment and invariably it ended with both of them naked and panting on the freezing hardwood floor. Trowa had never had so much sex before, and he was grateful that Duo seemed to actually prefer frot and oral sex to anal sex. Trowa doubted either of them would be able to walk straight otherwise.

The only time they hadn't had sex multiple times in one day had been the four days they spent with Catharine for Christmas.

Trowa had practically had to beg Duo - and he was convinced that Catharine had made more than one threatening phone call - but Duo finally agreed to spend the holiday in Connecticut. Despite the fact that Catharine had teasingly offered to let Duo share Trowa's room, the long haired man insisted on sleeping on the downstairs couch. Even though Catharine was at work most of the time, Duo still kept things PG - lots of kissing and some heavy petting but nothing approaching the level of intimacy they had at home.

Of course, as soon as they were back in their apartment in North Carolina things went back to the standard clothing optional policy they had adopted and Trowa brushed it off as Duo being uncomfortable having sex with him at Catharine's house. Trowa tried to imagine his reaction to the possibility of having sex with Duo if Gemma was still around and knew that the fear of her walking in on them would have prevented him from getting any kind of erection.

-o-

Spring semester got off to a hectic start.

The morning of the first day of classes Duo had finally convinced Trowa to try yoga with him. The end result had been, predictably, abandoning yoga for sex on the floor and then sex in the shower. Which meant that Trowa walked into his Thesis Seminar class five minutes late, unshaved and out of breath because he had had to sprint across campus.

He and Duo had agreed to meet back at the apartment for lunch, though neither had food in mind and after forty five minutes they both hurriedly dressed and rushed off to their afternoon classes.

When they met up with everyone else for drinks that night at The Brewery, Trowa was honestly exhausted, mentally and physically.

It seemed that all of his professors were intent on instilling the fear of failure in him - each stressed the monumental amount of work expected for their classes and the devastating consequences of getting even one B on an assignment. His Thesis Seminar class had been the most terrifying of all. The professor, Dr. Bearden, had begun class by asking each student about their proposed field of study and graduate school. He had then systematically crushed each of their dreams - either their field was too obscure or too bloated; their graduate school would never accept mediocre work and they had yet to show any inspiration or greatness. No one was safe from his criticism and Trowa, who was actually one of Bearden's advisees, had fared worse than most. Bearden actually laughed when Trowa mentioned Yale and American Colonial history. Bearden had suggested that he might as well write about UFO sightings during the American Revolution because at least _that_ would be original.

It had been a rough start to the day, and the rest of his classes had merely built upon the looming sense of failure Trowa was currently drowning in.

He was the last to arrive at The Brewery and he sat down in the booth with Alice, Kurt, Mags, Hilde and Hilde's latest boyfriend - who enthusiastically introduced himself as Michael.

Duo was at the bar, laughing with Carl about something. He looked happy and stress free. It was clear that _he _hadn't been called a failure in every single one of his classes.

Trowa watched Carl hand Duo two bottles of beer and couldn't help but notice the way Carl's hands lingered on Duo's. Or the way Carl winked at him as Duo laughed and turned away.

Duo slid into the open spot beside Trowa and passed him one of the beers.

"So, first day back in the land of torture, how did everyone fare?" Duo asked brightly.

Almost everyone groaned.

"At least I didn't run out of French Seminar in tears," Alice muttered. "Professor Favreau made two people cry and one person actually changed their major. It was awful."

"Pretty much the same thing in our seminar," Kurt agreed and Mags nodded. "Professor Smithton laughed off most of our thesis topics and told all of us that we would be lucky to get into the graduate school at the University of Florida and to forget about even applying to Cambridge or Oxford."

"Sounds like you had it easy," Hilde said with a scowl. She looked over at Duo. "_Our_ seminar started off with a portfolio review and Professor Henry told all of us we should apply for jobs teaching art to kindergarteners -"

"_Except those jobs were above our skill level_," Duo interjected, clearly imitating the voice of their instructor.

"How did your Art History seminar go?" Hilde asked him.

Duo rolled his eyes.

"About the same. Patrick told all of us it was pointless to even care about the past because the iPhone and the digital age didn't care about anything that was more than a week old and blah blah blah."

Duo nudged Trowa's shoulder.

"And you? Did Bearden crush your hopes and dreams, too?"

Trowa nodded, but he had to smile in relief.

"Yeah. I thought it was just me - I didn't realize it was a campus wide conspiracy to destroy _all_ of our souls."

Michael laughed and everyone turned to him expectantly.

"Oh, sorry. I'm getting my Master's in Biochemistry. They don't do that kind of shit to us."

"Anyway," Kurt said loudly and held up his glass. "Here's to becoming functional alcoholics."

"Here, here," Duo agreed and everyone else raised their glasses to join in the toast.

Several hours and many beers later Duo and Trowa walked home together, leaving the others engaged in a heated game of darts.

"You know you're going to get into Yale, right?" Duo said. "Don't let Bearden freak you out - this is just some sort of hazing thing they do to us right before our senior year."

Trowa shrugged.

"I guess. But it's _Yale_ - and Bearden's right - my field is already crowded."

"So? No one has your perspective or your ideas. Prove that you're unique and important."

Trowa snorted.

"Yeah, because that's easy to do."

"I didn't say it would be easy. But you _are_ unique and important. You're an amazing writer and great at research. You're going to kick ass on your thesis and you will get into Yale. I'll bet you fifty bucks that ten years from now you're going to be a hot shot professor at an Ivy League school with two books published and -"

"Okay, let's take a few steps back from fantasyland," Trowa said. "I still need to graduate from _here _and get into Yale - and -"

"And I'm thinking that you are thinking too much," Duo interrupted him. He stepped in front of Trowa and kissed him.

"You've got this," Duo assured him. "Now, let's get our asses home because it's freezing out here and -"

"And you hate the cold."

"I was _going_ to say that I wanted to get you naked and I doubted you would appreciate that out here, but yeah, I hate the cold too."

-0-

After a few weeks they had to cut out the sex break during lunch. They still managed to spend an obscene amount of naked time together, and Trowa felt confident that sex with Duo was the only thing keeping him sane as the semester crept along and his workload steadily increased.

They fell into a routine fairly easily. Yoga in the mornings - it took a few tries, but eventually Trowa was able to focus on the exercise and not Duo's body - followed by sex in the shower and then they went their separate ways for classes and work. Duo usually tracked him down at the library in the afternoons to hang out, make out or bring him a snack before he went to the art studio to work. Trowa had started to cook more often - he had started it last semester in an attempt to lure Duo into eating after Gemma died - and Duo usually came by the apartment to eat with him, have sex, and then went back to the studio or the library to work for a few hours. Most nights Trowa was asleep by the time Duo got home, but if he was awake Duo would challenge him to Halo for an hour or so before Trowa, cranky and tired, would go to bed.

A few nights a week they still met up with their group for drinks or dinner. Aside from the near suicidal panic everyone seemed to feel over their assignments, everything and everyone felt normal. It was easy and comfortable and Trowa wondered why the hell he and Duo hadn't had this relationship from the start.

-o-

When Alice turned twenty-one she decided to punish them - specifically Duo who teased her mercilessly for being so young - by having her birthday at a roller skating rink.

Hilde and Alice, as it turned out, had actually been speed skaters in their high school days and the two girls seemed to be having a blast while the rest of them struggled along.

Trowa hadn't been skating since he was in middle school and the feeling of the heavy, awkward skates on his feet was enough to bring back bad memories.

"This is torture," Duo shouted to him over the music as they slowly made their way around the wooden floor.

"You shouldn't have teased her so much," Trowa shouted back. "I'm the youngest anyway."

"No kidding," Duo responded and then cursed as a kid half his size barreled into him, sending them both sprawling to the floor.

Trowa helped him up and Duo gave him a sheepish look.

"Thanks," he said.

"Anytime."

Kurt and Mags skated by, hand in hand, smiling at each other delightedly. They weren't as proficient as Hilde and Alice, but they weren't the disaster that Duo and Trowa were either.

"You know, this is the perfect excuse to hold hands in public," Duo said.

Trowa looked around at all of the teenaged kids and couldn't help but remember the last time he had tried to hold hands with a boy while skating.

"No," he said. "No need to give Hilde more ammunition to tease me with."

"Fair enough," Duo agreed with a shrug. "I think I'm going to slowly make my way over to the arcade. I might not be able to skate, but I can sure as hell dominate kids on Street Fighter."

Trowa watched Duo skate off, smiling slightly at the awkward shuffle of Duo's feet on the floor.

"Heya!" Hilde greeted him and came to an elegant, twirling stop in front of him.

Trowa had to roll his eyes at her.

"You love this, don't you?"

"Absolutely!" Hilde agreed with a broad smile.

"I hope you know how evil you are," Trowa muttered.

"Come on," Hilde said and looped one of her arms through his.

She expertly guided him around the rink a few times and then steered them off to one of the dark corners that Trowa had seen a few kids using to make out earlier.

"So..." Hilde sat down and looked at him expectantly.

Trowa gingerly sat down beside her.

"Yes?"

Hilde shrugged.

"I figure we're at a skating rink - you might as well pretend you're back in middle school and ask me for advice."

Trowa rolled his eyes.

"What do I need advice on now?"

"Duo, obviously."

Trowa frowned.

"I don't - "

"Oh come _on_! You two _still_ aren't dating! It's been months and months and months and -"

Trowa stared at her blankly.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that the two of you can't keep your eyes off each other and that you keep flirting like crazy but you still aren't dating!"

"Hilde, Duo and I have been together since Thanksgiving."

She stared at him for a solid minute.

"And Duo hasn't said _anything_ to me this whole time?"

"No?"

Hilde crossed her arms, looking petulant and thoughtful at the same time.

"So you two have been together since November, but you aren't like a couple?"

Trowa frowned.

"I don't know what you're getting at."

"I'm getting at the fact that the two of you are acting just like you always have - like friends. Friends who flirt but _friends_. I thought you wanted to date him."

"We _are_ dating, Hilde. This is Duo - and me. We aren't Kurt and Mags, we're not me and Ralph. Things are fine. Things are _good._"

"Uh huh." Her voice was full of disbelief.

"Look, maybe Duo didn't say anything to you because he didn't want you meddling in his life again - not after the last time. Stop trying to turn everything into some dramatic situation that you need to fix."

As soon as he said the words Trowa caught himself.

"Well, say what's really on your mind, Trowa," Hilde said, a small, bitter smile on her face.

Trowa sighed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh, but honestly - Hilde - we're good. We aren't going to slow dance in public or hold hands or anything but -"

Trowa frowned, thinking about Duo's suggestion that they hold hands while they skated.

"Okay, it's fine. You're right," Hilde agreed. "I just think it's weird that none of us even knew the two of you were together."

"I'm sorry Duo didn't tell you," Trowa said.

"Yeah, me too but it's not like you said anything either."

"What I'm supposed to make some big announcement or something? Hilde, this isn't some romantic comedy, it's real life."

Hilde sighed and shrugged.

"Fine. Fine. You're right. Besides, it's none of my business."

She stood up and skated off, leaving Trowa alone.

It took him almost fifteen minutes to make his way back to the others, all gathered around an air hockey table where Duo and a nine year old were engaged in a fierce game.

Trowa was able to watch as Duo lost the game by one point and made a dramatic gesture as he accepted the taunts from the kid.

"Can we please finally get out of here, now that my humiliation is complete?" Duo asked Alice.

She rolled her eyes.

"Fine. Sure. Let's go get drunk at the Brewery - I expect all of you to buy me enough shots that I don't even remember my name tomorrow."

When they got to the Brewery they were able to snag their usual booth at the back. It was a slow night at the bar so Carl came over and did a round of shots with them to celebrate Alice's birthday.

"And don't forget," Carl said as he came back with a second round and deposited the shot glasses in front of everyone, " Valentine's Day is just around the corner. Drinks are half-priced for all you single people," he said and gave Duo a meaningful look.

Duo snorted and rolled his eyes.

"Good - maybe you can finally find a decent guy to hook up with!"

Carl smiled and shrugged.

"I keep hoping," he said. "Happy birthday again, Alice!"

He kissed her on the cheek and then went back to the bar.

"Here's to our baby finally growing up!" Duo saluted Alice.

She glared at him but downed the shot along with everyone else.

"I completely forgot about Valentine's Day," Hilde mused, giving Duo a significant look.

"Me too," Alice said, her voice a wistful sigh. "Half price drinking sounds like fun, though - Hilde, want to hang out with me that night?"

Hilde smiled at her.

"Sure. Us two single ladies are sure to have the single guys falling all over themselves to buy us drinks. Duo, want to join us?"

"No," Duo said with a scowl on his face. "You know how I feel about Valentine's Day."

Hilde rolled her eyes.

"Duo, it is _not_ the worst day in your life."

"No, there are definitely worse days - but they only happened once. This one happens every single year."

Trowa looked over at Duo. They had never discussed their feelings on Valentine's Day, and while Trowa himself was fairly ambivalent towards the day he had had no idea that Duo felt so strongly against it.

Hilde sighed.

"Fine. What about you, Trowa? Any plans for the big day?"

He barely refrained from rolling his eyes. He refused to let her bait him into this.

"No plans. I'll probably do something productive and work on my thesis." He gave her a faint smile and she returned it, her eyes narrowed in challenge.

"And what about you two lovebirds?" Hilde asked Mags and Kurt.

"Probably stay at home, get a pizza and watch some movies - just something casual and romantic." Mags answered for them and leaned back against Kurt with a contented smile.

Trowa felt a wave of irritation. He and Duo watched movies and ate pizza - he and Duo did casual and romantic things together. Just because they didn't hold hands or cuddle in public did not mean they weren't a couple.

Things were good.

-o-

On Valentine's Day Trowa capitulated to the week of less than subtle barbs Hilde had slung his way and he decided to take Duo out on a date that night. It took twenty minutes and a great deal of lying but he managed to convince the hostess at The Melting Pot to put him down for an eight o'clock reservation, despite the fact that they were fully booked.

Trowa called Duo that afternoon between classes.

"Hey," Duo answered and Trowa could actually hear the smile in his voice.

"Hey yourself," Trowa responded. "I know you were planning on working late at the studio tonight - were you planning on coming back to the apartment for dinner or just grabbing something on your own?"

"Oh. I, uh, I hadn't really thought about it."

"Why don't you come by the apartment and we can go get something together?" Trowa suggested casually, thinking that openly inviting Duo on a Valentine's Day date would backfire and Duo would refuse because of his antipathy for the day. "Maybe around seven-thirty or so?"

"What? Oh, yeah, sure. Fine." Duo sounded distracted.

"Okay then - see you later."

Trowa hung up the phone, convinced that could have gone better.

On his way home from classes he stopped by the chocolate store a few blocks from campus. Not surprisingly it was packed with people desperate for last minute Valentine's Day gifts. Trowa waited in line, sneaking a peek at the counter every minutes to make sure that the Cayenne Pepper Ganaches that Duo liked weren't sold out.

After nearly forty-five minutes he was finally able to collect a box of the Ganaches and he made his way back to the apartment with just enough time to shower, shave and change before seven-thirty.

At eight there was no sign of Duo and Trowa called him.

"Hey," Duo answered after the fifth ring.

"Hey - are you still stopping by for dinner?"

"Oh - yeah, I'm sorry. I got caught up here and didn't even think about it. You know - I'm not even hungry and I'm kind of in the flow on this piece. I'll just see you later?"

"Okay. Sure."

Trowa hung up and glared at the wall.

A few minutes later his phone rang and he answered it, cautious at the sight of an unfamiliar number.

It was The Melting Pot, and the hostess gave him an earful for wasting her time and taking away a table from a couple who actually wanted to celebrate their love for each other. Her tirade went on for long enough that Trowa began to wonder if other customers were listening in from her side and when her voice started to choke up with tears he hung up. It was clear that she, like Trowa, was not having a good Valentine's Day.

He stripped out of his nice clothes and pulled on sweatpants and a t-shirt before making himself a grilled cheese sandwich.

He spent the next few hours parked in front of the xbox, playing Fuzion Frenzy and happily destroying all of the old high scores that he and Duo had set together.

It was after midnight when Duo finally came home, and by that time Trowa's frustration at being stood up had crystallized into anger.

"You're still up," Duo greeted him.

Trowa arched an eyebrow at him.

"I wasn't tired."

Duo nodded. He glanced towards the television and spotted the golden box of chocolates on the coffee table.

Trowa followed his gaze.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said and tossed the box to Duo.

Duo caught the box awkwardly and watched as Trowa turned off the television and xbox.

"Night," Trowa said and left him alone in the dark.

He was angry at Duo and himself but he couldn't find the right words to express himself and he would just as soon not fight. Now that Duo was home, everything Trowa had wanted to say to him seemed to just leave his brain.

"Wait," Duo followed Trowa to his bedroom when Trowa didn't stop.

Trowa squinted against the lights when Duo turned them on.

"I'm sorry - Trowa, I'm sorry, okay?"

He turned to see Duo standing in the doorway, still holding the chocolates and an uncertain expression on his face.

"I made reservations for us, for a date tonight," Trowa told him.

Duo frowned.

"I didn't know - you said you didn't have any plans before and -"

"And I called and asked you if you wanted to get dinner tonight," Trowa reminded him.

Duo scratched at the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry. It didn't sound like it was - I didn't realize you -" Duo caught himself and sighed. "I just thought you wanted to fool around and grab a pizza or something and I didn't - I mean I just -I'm sorry. I screwed up." Duo rarely struggled this much with figuring out what to say and it made Trowa wonder what he _wasn't_ saying.

"I didn't want to grab a pizza - I made reservations at the Melting Pot," Trowa said, unable to keep the irritation out of his voice.

Duo stared at him for a moment and then he started to smile, his lips curving upwards at the corners just slightly.

"You made reservations for us at the Melting Pot?"

"Yes - and I had to spend twenty minutes begging the hostess for a table and then another twenty minutes listening to her yell at me for missing the reservation."

Duo was now smiling openly and it was that contented smile that Trowa liked best.

"You wanted to take me out on a date for Valentine's Day to the Melting Pot."

Trowa rolled his eyes.

"Yes - that's what I said. It's what I've -"

Duo kissed him.

Trowa's anger, frustration and irritation seemed to slip away as Duo's mouth and tongue caressed him. None of that seemed to matter as Duo's skin met his own and the same electric friction Trowa always felt between them traveled across his body. Soon, Trowa was past the point of caring about anything but more contact with Duo, more skin and more heat and when it was over and they were both naked, sweaty and tangled together in Trowa's bed, none of it mattered at all.

"Thank you," Duo said to him and kissed him again.

"You're welcome? And I'm pretty sure it's me who should be thanking you," Trowa responded.

Duo's mouth twitched upwards briefly.

"I meant thank you for wanting to go out for Valentine's Day," Duo clarified.

"Well, I'm not going to thank you for standing me up," Trowa muttered but he kissed Duo again.

"I'll let you sleep - I know you've got that test in the morning," Duo said and started to ease out of the bed.

Trowa rolled over onto his side and watched Duo start to dress.

"You could stay," Trowa pointed out.

Duo pulled on his boxers.

"No, I don't want to bother you."

"I've shared a bed before, it's not going to bother me to sleep with you."

Duo shook his head.

"I'd probably keep you awake and I wanted to go over my Art History notes."

He collected the rest of his clothes and left the room.

As Trowa settled back against his pillows he finally had to admit the truth to himself.

Things weren't fine.

-o-

Trowa was smart. He was well-read and eloquent. He could easily and succinctly debate on most topics and win. His research papers were consistently the best in his classes and his professors routinely complimented him for his in-class discussions. Trowa could communicate ideas and facts and he could argue almost any viewpoint.

But he couldn't _talk_ to Duo about their relationship. Trowa had never been good about talking - not when things involved him.

History was easy - it was already done with, it was over and while Trowa could tease out the meaning behind events, it sill, in the grand scheme of things, didn't matter. But Duo mattered and being with him wasn't just a timeline of dates to memorize.

By the time Trowa's birthday rolled around in March things had become noticeably strained between them.

The sex was still good - it was great, even. It felt like the only time things were right between them, and Trowa found himself almost desperate to get Duo into bed.

They spoke less though. For the entire time that Trowa had known Duo they had been able to sit down and argue with each other for hours about the most eclectic subjects, but these days Duo would just shrug, smile, and say that Trowa was probably right.

Duo smiled less, and even after sex Trowa rarely saw his contented smile anymore. He also started to spend more time at the Brewery alone and whenever they all went out together as a group Duo seemed to divide his time between drinking with them and laughing with Carl at the bar.

On the Wednesday before Trowa's birthday Duo asked him what he wanted to do. They were in the shower together that morning and as much as Trowa enjoyed the feeling of Duo's slick, naked body in close quarters with his own he found his mind drifting.

"I know it's your twenty-first birthday and it's on a Friday so I'm guessing you're going to want to get really, really drunk," Duo said. "Did you want to go anywhere special or...?"

Trowa couldn't help but remember last year, when Ralph had shown up before his morning classes, barged into the apartment and packed a backpack with Trowa's clothes and then kidnapped him to spend the weekend skiing before the snow melted for the year.

He hated himself for even thinking about comparing Ralph to Duo. But now he had, and started to remember how good it had felt waking up next to Ralph or the familiar, warm weight of Ralph's arm over the back of whatever chair Trowa was sitting in. Even the casual way that Ralph used to kiss him hello or goodbye in front of other people made Trowa feel an acute sense of something missing in his relationship with Duo.

"You could always try to get revenge on Alice for her crap birthday party and drag everyone to Chuck E Cheeses," Duo suggested when Trowa didn't say anything. "Or... _we_ could try going to the Melting Pot again? I promise not to stand you up this time."

Trowa had to smile at that. For the past few weeks, every time they made any kind of plans, Duo invariably promised not to stand him up again.

"That sounds nice. I think Kurt and Mags were saying they wanted to try it out. It's kind of expensive but -"

"Oh, yeah. I guess they'd like it and Hilde and Alice are fans of stabbing raw meat with long pointy forks so I'm sure they'd be interested." Duo shrugged. "And don't worry about the cost." He winked. "Consider it Gemma's treat."

Trowa watched Duo's mouth tighten after he had said the name of his dead grandmother and Trowa kissed him.

"Just imagine how horrified she would be if she knew what we were doing together right now," Trowa told him, trying to tease Duo back into levity.

Duo winced.

"Well _that_ mental image is going to put me off shower sex for a while."

-o-

Dinner at the Melting Pot had been a great idea. Despite the battles over which color fork someone had been using or who got the last mushroom cap, it was delicious and everyone had a great time. Maybe it was the vast quantity of wine Trowa had consumed, but looking around at his friends over the desert course filled him with nostalgia. He knew this would be one of those nights he looked back on, in the years to come, and fondly remember 'the good old days.' He wondered what it would be like this time next year - everyone would have their plans for post-college in place and be thinking about the future. Even in six months everyone would be so focused on their thesis and capstone projects that nights like this would be few and far between.

By the time they finished their three hour meal everyone was stuffed and well on their way to being drunk, but Hilde insisted they go the Brewery for the sake of tradition and buy Trowa shots.

When they arrived at the bar Duo insisted on getting the first round of shots and headed straight for the bar and Carl.

Kurt, Mags and Alice snagged the open pool table and Trowa couldn't decide whether to join them or Duo.

Hilde walked up and knocked her shoulder against his.

"So, how are those intimacy issues coming along?" Hilde asked casually.

Trowa arched an eyebrow at her.

"Oh come on, I've known him just as long as you have - don't tell me he's magically transformed into a relationship genius and there are zero problems right now."

Sometimes Trowa really hated Hilde's uncanny ability to know exactly what was going on with Duo.

"You know what I think would be the worst thing about dating your best friend?" She continued, clearly feeling that Trowa didn't need to verbally participate in the conversation. "Who are you going to talk to about your relationship problems? You can't talk to your best friend - since he's part of the relationship - so you're basically on your own, trying to figure things out, praying you don't screw up the best thing that's ever happened to you."

Trowa rolled his eyes.

"And you think I should talk to you?" He suggested.

"Well, yeah. I know Duo better than anyone - not to mention I've got a vested interest in seeing him happy. Which means that I want you to be happy, since _he_ seems to think that's important. And... aside from being an idiot, you're a good guy."

"Thanks," he muttered.

"But I'm serious. I know Duo and I know he's got a freight train of emotional baggage."

Trowa sighed.

"He doesn't sleep with me," he finally admitted.

Hilde looked at him in confusion.

"Dude, the two of you screw like bunnies - what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about sleeping - the actual act of closing your eyes and going to _sleep_."

"Oh. Ohhh."

"He says he doesn't want to bother me. I don't even know what that means - but if I try to sleep in _his_ bed he doesn't stay either, and then I just feel like the asshole who kicked him out of his own bed."

"Well -"

"And he always let's me win when we argue. It's not like we fight often or anything - but he always just... gives up and agrees with me."

"He's got abandonment issues. Hardcore issues of abandonment- it's not just that his mother and Gemma died, but his father and brother disowned him. Half his family died on him and the other half _chose_ to abandon him. So, of course he's going to let you win all the fights. He doesn't want to give you a reason to leave him."

Trowa shook his head.

"You're forgetting the fact that his mother _chose_ to die," he muttered.

"Which makes it even worse. He cares about you, a lot, and he's wanted to be with you for _years._"

"But this doesn't even - it doesn't even feel like a relationship anymore. It's just..."

"Roomates with benefits?" Hilde supplied, giving him a knowing look.

"He's finally talking to you about us, isn't he?" Trowa guessed.

Hilde crossed her arms.

"Not really, actually. He admitted that the two of you were together, but he doesn't ever talk to me about it... which is weird, Trowa."

He still didn't understand the inner workings of Duo and Hilde's relationship, but Trowa remembered Hilde telling him that Duo told her everything. So if Duo wasn't talking to her about _him,_ then what did that mean?

Duo was still at the bar, chatting away with Carl while the bartender seemed to take his sweet time pouring the shots.

"Have you talked to him about it?" Hilde asked, drawing Trowa's attention away from Carl.

"No," Trowa admitted. "I don't even know what to say. It's not - he's not - I could talk to Ralph. He was easy to figure out, once I really knew him and Duo isn't. I've known him for three years and I still don't know what he's thinking, most of the time. What if he likes the way things are? What if all he wants is roommates with benefits?"

Hilde frowned.

"Well, if that is all he wants, isn't it better to know? And do you really think that _he's_ happy right now? With the way things are?"

Her question reminded Trowa of that summer years ago when Catharine had confronted him about secretly dating Quatre. It also reminded him of the way Quatre had looked, towards the end of the summer and the way that he had seemed sad and distant, despite everything, and that Trowa had been helpless to do anything.

It was exactly how he felt now. He knew Duo wasn't happy. He wasn't as depressed as he had been last year after Gemma died, but he _was_ distant and sad.

"I'm not good at this," Trowa muttered, speaking more to himself than Hilde.

"Not good at what?" She prompted him.

Duo finally walked away from the bar, carrying the shot glasses on a small tray, a strange expression on his face.

"Not good at anything that doesn't involve books," Trowa answered her.

"Or sex," she said and shrugged when he looked at her. "The _only_ thing Duo has told me about you two is that the sex is great. So you must be good at that, too," she said and walked past him to join the others at the pool table.

"Hey," Duo greeted him as he approached. "Ready to get shit faced?"

Trowa saw Carl looking at them, a frown on his face. Carl saw Trowa looking and seemed to shake himself before he turned away.

"Is Carl okay?" Trowa asked.

"Yeah, he's good," Duo said. "Just, you know, Carl." He handed Trowa one of the shot glasses. "Now quit stalling and start drinking."

-o-

The next morning Trowa woke up and felt unbelievably good.

His mouth was dry and he was hungry, but considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed last night, Trowa didn't understand how he was conscious, much less waking up without a hangover.

He rolled out of bed, amazed when the room remained stationary. Maybe he had _imagined_ emptying a bottle of tequila with Hilde last night?

He pulled on a t-shirt and sweatpants before going into the bathroom to brush his teeth and relieve his very full bladder - that part, at least, seemed to indicate that he had had a lot to drink last night.

Duo was in the kitchen, and from the smell of things he was making French toast using the recipe that Catharine had given him over Christmas.

"Morning champ," Duo greeted him with a smile. "How do you feel?"

"Weirdly good," Trowa responded. He hoisted himself up onto the counter across from the stove and watched Duo move about the kitchen with ease. It was a stark contrast to last year. When they had first moved into the apartment Duo's culinary skills hadn't extended past boiling water to make macaroni and cheese.

"Good, I didn't want you to suffer through the whole day with a hangover."

Trowa had to arch an eyebrow at that, and then he thought back to last night.

"_That's_ why you kept making me drink water after every shot."

"Yeah - and the charcoal pill probably helped too. No offense, buddy, but you are miserable company when you have a hangover and I didn't think you'd want to spend your first day as a legal alcoholic like that."

"I appreciate it," Trowa said.

He accepted the plate Duo handed him, piled with delicious looking just-burnt-enough French toast.

"So what was up with Carl last night?" Trowa asked after taking a few bites and savoring the food.

Duo, leaning back against the fridge while he ate his own toast, looked up in confusion.

"Whaddya mean?"

"I mean he kept giving you weird looks all night. Did you two get into a fight at yoga class or something?"

Duo laughed nervously.

"Nah, our yogacharya is pretty strict about no fighting at yoga class," Duo tried to joke.

Trowa was positive there was something Duo wasn't telling him.

"So then what?" He persisted.

Duo sighed and set down his plate.

"It's nothing. He just - look, it's nothing. He's just being Carl."

Trowa held his gaze.

"He asked me out, okay?" Duo finally admitted. "Last night he asked me out."

"What did you say?" Trowa asked.

Duo stared at him, mouth open.

"What do you think I said? I told him I wasn't available. Because I'm not, right?"

There was a strange tone to Duo's voice. Trowa set his plate down.

"Do you want to date him?"

"Do I want to date _Carl_?"

Trowa shrugged.

"Why the hell would I want to date Carl? All I want is -" Duo stopped himself and shook his head. His eyes searched Trowa's face. "It doesn't matter, anyway, does it? I've already fucked this up. Just - look, we don't have to do this thing where we pick a fight. We can end this without doing that, okay?"

"You want to end this?" Trowa felt as though he had been sucker punched.

"I mean - whatever this is - it's not working, is it? It's not what you want. _I'm_ not what you want and -"

"Duo, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about this - about _us_ and this thing we're doing together! This isn't - is this what you want? I know I'm not Ralph or - fuck I know I'm not _Quatre_ but - Jesus, I can't even do _this_ part without fucking it up."

Trowa got down from the counter.

It was strange, but Duo's frustration and panic suddenly made it easier for Trowa to think about the situation and decide what, finally, to say.

"You're right," he agreed. "This isn't working. It's not what I want and I don't think it's what you want either. But I don't want to end it. I want to talk about it. We never talk anymore," he continued. "You run away all the time and I can never think of the right words and we just... stopped talking."

Duo ran a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, well, I don't know what you want me to say. I don't know what you want me to do or be - I just don't know and it's just... it's easier to keep my mind on other things."

"I want you to be _you_," Trowa said, "but I want you to be happy. You aren't happy."

"Well maybe I _don't_ want to be me," Duo said, his voice bitter.

"I don't understand."

"I'm not happy - I don't want to _be_ your roommate that you have sex with all the time. I don't want to be your long-term one night stand. I want more than just sex and Halo, okay?"

The sense of equilibrium Trowa had felt only a moment before vanished.

"So do I," he said.

Duo nodded.

"Of course you do. So that's what I'm saying... go and find someone you want to be with."

"Duo, I want to be with you."

He snorted.

"No, you don't. It's easy, I guess - because I live here and the sex is really good - but you don't want to date me. The one time you _did_ think about going out with me I ruined it and I get it. I'm not the guy you date."

"You're the one who won't sleep in my bed! You won't even tell your best friend that we're together."

"I didn't say anything to Hilde because I'm tired of having to tell her that she's always right!"

"What do you mean?"

Duo sighed.

"She told me this would never work out and that I would never be _that_ guy for you."

"When did she say this? And what do you mean _that_ guy?"

"Remember when I taught you how to waltz? Then - it was after that. Because I'm never going to be _that_ guy that you learn how to waltz for. I'm not going to be the guy that you brave your fear of spiders to go camping with or the guy that you kiss in public or the guy that you call your boyfriend. I'm not that guy. I'm - I'm Mr. One Night Stand Man, right? I get it. I'm good for sex and hanging out and - hell, I can even _teach_ you how to waltz but I'm just not the guy you _want_ to waltz with."

"Duo - you're the guy that I take home to my family. You're the guy that I watch the entire season of Firefly with _twice,_ even though I hate it. You're the guy that I do yoga with just so I can be with for another half hour. You're the guy that always tries to fix things that go wrong. You're also the guy who _doesn't do boyfriends_. You're the guy who has never, as far as I know, been in a relationship that lasted more than a few nights. You're the guy who hates Valentine's Day and you're the guy who won't even sleep in my bed."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Trowa watched the muscles in Duo's jaw working.

"What the fuck have we been doing for the last three months?" Duo muttered. He ran a hand over his face and Trowa could see that his eyes were bright with what looked like tears.

"Being idiots," Trowa answered. "We can fix this. We _need_ to fix this."

Duo's lips twitched.

"Maybe we should make a few rules, for boyfriend togetherness or whatever?"

Trowa had to laugh at the reference to their freshmen year.

"Yeah," he agreed, "but you're not going to be the one making the rules this time."

Duo shrugged.

"I might make some amendments."

"Fine - rule one, we _talk_ about problems."

Duo nodded.

"That goes both ways - you have to tell me when I'm doing something wrong," he said.

Trowa had to sigh at that.

"Two - you stop agreeing with me all the time. I _miss _arguing with you. I'm not going to get pissed off and just leave you. And I'm not always right, anyway. You're supposed to be the one who tells me when I'm wrong."

He waited for Duo to nod before continuing.

"Three - we go out, on dates. Together - just the two of us." Looking back, Trowa realized that Duo had actually been trying to ask Trowa out, just the two of them, for his birthday. First Duo had stood him up and then Trowa had more or less done the same to him.

"Four - I don't like to hold anyone's hand. I hated it whenever Ralph tried to do that and it doesn't mean I don't think of you as _that_ guy."

"So... no touching in public?" Duo asked.

"No, it's not touching in public that bothers me, it's just holding hands."

"Okay," Duo agreed with a smile. "We're not twelve year olds at a skating rink anyway."

"I want to add one in here," Duo said. "You've got to stop thinking about Carl. At least - stop thinking I'm going to cheat on you with him."

"I -" Trowa started to protest.

"I know you look at us whenever we talk at the bar and I _know_ you hate the fact that we do yoga together on the weekend. But I'm _not_ interested in him. You have to believe me."

Trowa felt like an asshole.

"I never thought you would cheat on me. I just thought you would realize how much more attractive he was."

Duo rolled his eyes.

"Carl has more muscles than you. And he's a good looking guy - but he's not more attractive than you. Even if he _does_ smell amazing. Okay?"

Trowa nodded and Duo breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Okay. We can do this."

"One more, you have to tell me why you won't sleep with me," Trowa added.

Duo sighed.

"It's not - I don't want to -"

"Don't give me the crap about not wanting to bother me," Trowa interrupted. "We just agreed to talk about our problems. This is a problem. Do I snore obscenely loudly?" Trowa asked.

Ralph had never said anything to him about it.

"No, not that I've ever noticed," Duo said with a sigh. "It's not you."

"Is this a personal space thing?"

"No, I just... I don't sleep much and when I do - I just don't sleep well, okay?"

"It's not going to bother me if you toss and turn at night," Trowa said.

"I talk in my sleep and I have nightmares, okay?" Duo confessed in a rush. "Because clearly I'm not a functioning adult and even my _sleep_ is screwed up. When I say I don't want to bother you, it isn't crap - I'm telling you the truth."

"It's not going to bother me," Trowa protested.

"It is. It sure as hell bothered my roommate at boarding school."

"Okay... if it bothers me too much we'll work something out. But you get that it's normal for a couple to sleep together, right?"

"Yeah, I get that. But I don't want you to -"

"Duo, I'm not going to leave you. I'm not just sitting back making a list of things you do wrong and waiting for the last straw before I leave you. Stop thinking that _everything_ is going to add up to me leaving you. I'm not going to."

Duo swallowed hard.

"Everyone else has," he said, his voice a whisper. "And you - Trowa, I'm going to fuck this up. I'm going to do or say something and you're going to realize what a waste of time I am. You're going to remember how much you hated me that first semester of college and you're going to wonder why you were ever stupid enough to like me in the first place."

Trowa really hoped he met Duo's brother and father one day. He didn't consider himself a violent person, but he desperately wanted the chance to punch them both in the face and tell them what assholes they were.

"First off, I'm not stupid. I'm a genius, so stop questioning my intellect. Second - you are not a waste of time. You're an amazing person and I wish - I wish you could see yourself the way that I see you or Hilde sees you - or your professors or even Kurt, Mags and Alice. Hell - even _Carl_ appreciates you more than you do. Even Ralph," Trowa added, "even Ralph knew how amazing you are. You have nightmares and terrible taste in television. So what? You're still Duo. And that's a good thing."

-o-

Midterms were only two weeks after Trowa's birthday and everyone agreed to one last night of drinking a week before midterms began and they all locked themselves away to study and write papers.

They met up at the Brewery and Trowa forced himself not to look at Duo as he ordered drinks from Carl at the bar. Which meant his gaze landed on Hilde. She smirked at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing," she said and took a sip from the beer in front of her. "Just, you know, happy to be here... with my friends... celebrating the upcoming nightmare of midterms...thinking about all the good things in life..."

Trowa rolled his eyes.

"So he talked to you," he guessed.

She nodded happily and Trowa actually felt relieved. As much as he resented the fact that Hilde had told Duo that Trowa would never think of him as _that_ guy, it had been a year ago and, at the time, Trowa hadn't thought of Duo as _that_ guy. Hilde wanted the best for Duo - and if she was happy now, then it was a good sign.

"Here ya go," Duo slid into the booth beside Trowa and passed him a beer. They had been on a Red Stripe kick lately, but Carl always served the beers with slices of lime, which Duo hated. He passed the green wedge over to Trowa with a grimace.

"Okay, here's to not sleeping for the next two weeks," Duo said and raised his bottle.

Everyone else joined in the toast.

"So I was thinking, when we _do_ make it past midterms," Mags said. "We should do something together for Spring Break this year. To celebrate."

"We aren't having another Hilde Disaster Party at my apartment," Duo muttered.

"It was _not _a disaster party," Hilde protested.

"I was thinking more like renting a beach house together - down at South Port."

Alice made an approving noise.

"A week at the beach... drinking way too much, getting sun and going for midnight walks in the sand? Count me in!"

Hilde smiled at her enthusiasm.

"Me too, actually. I haven't been to the beach since Duo and I went to Cancun."

Trowa looked over at Duo, who shrugged.

"Could be fun," Duo said.

"The water is going to be cold this early in the year," Trowa felt the need to point out.

Duo snorted.

"You're the guy who spent his summers in the Hamptons - this will feel like boiling lava compared to those frigid Yankee beaches."

Trowa was about to make a retort about Duo's California heritage but Mags interrupted.

"Great," she said and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "I've already rented the house."

"Thanks for asking," Duo muttered but smiled when Mags glared at him.

"As if anyone could say no to her," Kurt pointed out.  
"Fair enough," Hilde said. "Either you're hopelessly in love with her," she gave Kurt a pointed look as she cleared her throat, "or you're terrified that she's been spending too much time research medieval torture devices and might decide to try them out on you."

Mags rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, it's a great place - right on the beach. It has two screened in porches, an awesome kitchen so Trowa can make us all something delicious, and three bedrooms. The master - which Kurt and I are taking, and then there's a room with bunk beds and another with a king sized bed." She looked over at Hilde. "Do you think you'll be bringing anyone along or do you mind sharing a bed with Alice?"

Hilde shrugged.

"_If_ I bring anyone along he can sleep on the couch." She bumped shoulders with Alice. "I don't mind shacking up with my girl here."

"Great, so you boys can take the bunk beds," Mags turned to Duo and Trowa.

"Actually," Trowa started to say.

"I think we'd prefer the room with the king sized bed," Duo finished.

"Duo's afraid of heights," Trowa added when Kurt, Mags and Alice gave them questioning looks. "That's why we never bunked our beds when we lived on campus. Even though we would have had a _lot_ more room if we did."

Duo rolled his eyes.

"You're never going to let that go, are you?"

Trowa shrugged and took a sip of his beer.

"But aside from my problem with heights, don't you think the sex will be better on a king sized bed than a bunk bed?"

Trowa nodded in agreement.

"Absolutely."

Duo grinned at him.

Trowa saw Kurt slowly shake his head and then pass Alice a twenty dollar bill.

"I _knew_ it," Mags said triumphantly.

"So did I," Alice said and snapped the bill in Kurt's direction. "You two have totally been hooking up all semester, haven't you?"

Mags shook her head.

"No way - they only started acting like a couple after Trowa's birthday party. I'll bet Duo confessed his undying love to you for your birthday present, didn't he?"

"No," Kurt said, a pensive expression on his face, "they probably started this back around Valentine's Day - remember how they both said they weren't going to do anything and were so casual about it?"

"Or," Hilde, who knew the truth, jumped in, "maybe they've been secretly hooking up since freshmen year and just _now_ blew their cover."

Duo gave Trowa a pained look.

"I'm thinking _this _might be the reason why we never said anything to them," Duo muttered.

-o-

For perhaps the first time in his academic life, Trowa did not become a zombie during midterms. Trowa had no doubt that it was Duo's influence that kept him sane. Duo visited him at the library and stayed up late studying and writing papers with him every night of midterm week.

Of course, the fact that the weeks leading up to midterms had been filled with some of the best sex of his life didn't hurt either.

It was Duo who first came up with Study Sex a few weeks into the semester.

One night in February Duo came into Trowa's room, completely naked and carrying a stack of index cards that he tossed to Trowa.

"Quiz me," Duo instructed as he climbed into bed and started to kiss Trowa.

"That's a little distracting," Trowa moaned as Duo nibbled on his ear.

He could feel Duo smile.

"Good thing you aren't the one who needs to memorize these, then."

So Trowa spent the next two hours quizzing Duo on the names, dates and current locations of paintings from the Baroque era. In that same time Trowa had four orgasms and decided that _he_ would try Study Sex out next.

Three weeks later, when Trowa needed to review for an upcoming test in his Twentieth Century American Political History course, he gave Duo notecards and proceeded to torture _him_ for two hours.

The end result was that Trowa aced his test. The downside was that _taking_ the test was uncomfortable as hell. When Trowa tried to remember key figures and dates he did so, easily, but he also remembered _Duo_, naked and straining under him.

Trowa would forever associate Eugene Debs with Duo's collarbone. Alice Paul made Trowa think about Duo's thighs. Theda Skocpol tasted like Duo's mouthwash. The New Deal felt like the thick, heavy length of Duo's cock. Sidney Hillman was the tight, hot sensation of entering Duo. Eleanor Roosevelt was the feeling of orgasm, buried deep inside Duo. And Joseph McCarthy would always, always make Trowa think about the way Duo's cum tasted.

Study Sex made studying for midterms far less painful and when Trowa turned in his last paper on the Friday before Spring Break he felt _good_. It didn't feel as though his brain was empty or his soul drained - he felt accomplished and relaxed.

Duo was already back at the apartment when Trowa arrived that afternoon.

"Hey," Duo greeted him with a kiss before sitting down in front of the xbox and starting to pack it up for the trip to the beach. "Get everything turned in?"

"Yeah, and for once I don't feel drained of purpose or hope."

Duo smiled at him.

"Study Sex - I need to patent that or something. It totally helped you relax and study, didn't it?"

Trowa shrugged.

"Yeah, except I kept visualizing your cock as I wrote my paper on Alexander Hamilton."

Duo smirked.

"Don't kid yourself, you would have done that anyway."

"Probably," Trowa agreed. "Don't forget to pack Halo - it's been too long since we crushed Kurt and Hilde. Their egos need to be taken down a peg or two."

"I dunno, it sounds like Mags is planning on imprisoning you in the kitchen and making you cook all week. You'll be lucky to even see the sun, let alone Halo."

"As if I need to actually _look_ at the game to destroy those noobs," Trowa said with a disdainful snort.

"God, I love you," Duo said, his voice a happy sigh.

He froze almost instantly though and he regarded Trowa warily.

"What's not to love?" Trowa tried to joke. He hated when Duo retreated like this. Duo was bold and at times appeared to be afraid of absolutely nothing; but at other times he seemed to think that one wrong move would end the world.

"I'm the absolute best Halo player you'll ever meet. I'm a genius. I know more about the Revolutionary War than any sane person should."

Duo started to relax.

"Not to mention," Trowa added and ducked down to kiss Duo. "I love you too."

-o-

End of Part I

TBC in Part II


End file.
